To sneak away in the night from neighbours

[Ohnonevermind]

We’ve had a hard few years with difficult neighbours. We’ve kept our heads down but unfortunately they’ve suffered some really bad luck in the last few years and are projecting onto me in particular. I have had some unwarranted abuse hurled at me over the last few years. It was mainly low level stuff but it drags you slowly down.
I don’t walk out of my house any more
and drive past theirs (detached houses in the countryside) so covid has been fun.

During the last year they’ve escalated it massively including them wanting to speak to me to tell me what they think of me 🤷‍♀️ I would explain further but it’s massively outing (I know that phrase is maddening)

But a fabulous house has come up 6 miles away. It’s perfect for us and we don’t have to sell our house to finance it. It’s got all the stuff we put into our house (a forever home) too

The amazing thing is secretly we’re signing next week (10 minute viewing was enough) it’s nearer family. We’ve just checked with family if they’d be happy (they’re delighted) but we’re keeping it low key until the deal is done.

AIBU to slip away in the night, part of me thinks I should tell my neighbours we are leaving but I worry it might escalate issues on their side.

I’m so secretly happy, every time I looked out my window and saw their house it dragged me down, now it makes me smile.

@100problems

My brother is housing 3 Ukrainian refugees in his house, how many are you housing ?
We will investigate doing the same here
once we’ve moved

Anyone else getting a sneaking suspicion that these neighbours may be cracking open the champagne as they see the OP’s moving van driving away?

Wouldn't cross my mind to tell neighbours I don't get on I'm moving. Why are you giving it any thought?

So much drama.

I’ve never told my neighbours I was moving. Just move.

Give me the finger as you cruise off in the range rover.😂

This thread has reminded me of the nice young couple who moved in next door to me and with whom I was polite but not pally. I went away for a fortnight (I let them know and asked them to keep an eye on the place) and came back to find the beautiful old stone garden wall that separated us had been demolished and an old bay tree in my garden cut down. They were building the footings for a massive extension beyond the boundary line. Cue surveyors and solicitors and a redesign of their extension to make it legal. It took them 18 months to complete, I had their scaffolding in my garden and they they wrecked the garden and left me with an unrendered, unsightly block wall. My surveyor and I were told to F off when I asked them to make good my garden and render the wall.

Within a year they moved out without warning: no for sale sign, no advertising locally. The new neighbours wouldn't make eye contact and behaved as if I was sex offender. I assume they had been told what a nightmare neighbour I was and not to talk to me. So I'm reading the OP's posts in a slightly different light to most.

Them obviously.. or me for that matter..

@Spannwr1971

Give me the finger as you cruise off in the range rover.😂

Give you the finger?

First house we bought pretty sure this is what previous owner did - quietly move out over weeks.

Can't say I blamed her neighbour one side was bloody awful - a gossip who made endless shit up about us and eavesdropped on every conversation she could. Other side we only saw vistors.

When we moved just made our plans and went never gave them any thought- would probably say something to current one's but theyd probably see sign as first clue thenask us.

Really? Would you not just knock and say you were leaving and wish them luck in life? Or just tell them out of good manners ? What if they see a bunch of strangers around your old property and wonder what they are doing there and if you are ok or on holiday? Don't you care about people around you at all?

Not telling your neighbours you’re moving hardly equates to not caring about people. If you’re not particularly friendly or close, why will they be a panic if they suddenly notice you’ve moved out? They’ll just think you’ve moved.

@100problems

Clearly whatever has gone on between you and your neighbours has altered your perspective, because it must happen dozens of times a day that people simply move house without saying goodbye.

That's the part you need to change. Just move house and let it go.

Shame on you though for being time deaf, not reading the room whilst talking about money and never once mentioning the Ukraine or the Global Pandemic.

why aren't you concerned about Syria? Afghanistan?

They lost the right to any courtesy goodbye from you when they started acting like twats.
Who the hell cares what they think about it? You'll be gone. You owe them nothing.

It sounds like the perfect situation tbh.
You have no duty to tell your neighbours. I'm sure something will be your fault too. They may also ask questions that you can't avoid answering, like where your new home is.
Go and enjoy your new life chapter. Pack up your house and don't be shy about it! And fingers crossed I'd you decide to sell the current house, you'll get a tidy profit. I'd avoid renting it out as you'd still have a tie to the property.

i dont see why you should have to sneak away though i prefer moving at night. My main worry is that if you are selling you current property i thought there is a question about whether you have any complaints about the neighbours. What will your response to this question be ??

Just pack up and move, I wouldn’t even tell them where you are moving to, that is your business.

Good luck.

@00100001 damn you being right, especially as there isn't a word count. I can only think of a maximum two crisis at a time. Not a proper MNer at all.

@tobedtoMN

Of course people are allowed to move house. Does no one else question the ethics of owning 2 houses outright and leaving one empty and coming on a public forum to bemoan their lot in life?!

And the Ukraine ..!I mean I could on 🤣

Really??! Think yourself lucky you live in a country where you have the choice to post freely on Internet forums and own two houses. It’s called freedom/liberty, if you want to start banning everything in a race to the bottom you can always move somewhere like N Korea, etc.

I've moved four times in the last 10 years and it never even occurred to me to inform any of the neighbours, even the ones I had been on friendly enough terms to chat to. I just booked removals and went. Why do you even need to do any goodbye at all? Just leave, and you'll never have to deal with them again.

Why would you tell them anyway? No need to sneak - just leave normally.

Tigers post was good and came from a nice place. You should read it again.

Ohnonevermind

@100problems

“My brother is housing 3 Ukrainian refugees in his house, how many are you housing ?
We will investigate doing the same here
once we’ve moved“

Yawn 🙄
Your neighbours will be glad to know that you’ve left.

Last house I had bad neighbours and nice neighbours, but we did have the for sale sign/sold sign up for months. We didn’t get the moving date set in stone until the same week, wasn’t even sure the day before if we were moving. I didn’t tell either set or say goodbye, I didn’t really know the nice neighbours and the other side were horrid so why would I say bye? The horrid neighbours say in the bay window and watched us drive away with our stuff, it was so odd.

But I agree with everyone else, without context, this thread is odd. You don’t have to say bye, and why are you worried they’ll follow you to the next house? I think there’s more to this story.

I just saw you're in rural Ireland. It can be a bit intense and some people can't hack it. Don't worry about other people just do what's best for you.

It's supposedly within 2.5% of the 2007 peak of the market so you should get a good price if you sell.

Once you haven't taken or threatened legal action you're in the clear for not disclosing issues with neighbours.

Best of luck with your new home.

What I have learnt from reading Mumsnet today is that most people lack any empathy whatsoever. This must've been hell for you and I understand that you don't want to antagonise them further especially when you need to either sell or let this house and don't want to escalate it.

Congrats on the new place and fingers crossed all goes through.