To sneak away in the night from neighbours

[Ohnonevermind]

We’ve had a hard few years with difficult neighbours. We’ve kept our heads down but unfortunately they’ve suffered some really bad luck in the last few years and are projecting onto me in particular. I have had some unwarranted abuse hurled at me over the last few years. It was mainly low level stuff but it drags you slowly down.
I don’t walk out of my house any more
and drive past theirs (detached houses in the countryside) so covid has been fun.

During the last year they’ve escalated it massively including them wanting to speak to me to tell me what they think of me 🤷‍♀️ I would explain further but it’s massively outing (I know that phrase is maddening)

But a fabulous house has come up 6 miles away. It’s perfect for us and we don’t have to sell our house to finance it. It’s got all the stuff we put into our house (a forever home) too

The amazing thing is secretly we’re signing next week (10 minute viewing was enough) it’s nearer family. We’ve just checked with family if they’d be happy (they’re delighted) but we’re keeping it low key until the deal is done.

AIBU to slip away in the night, part of me thinks I should tell my neighbours we are leaving but I worry it might escalate issues on their side.

I’m so secretly happy, every time I looked out my window and saw their house it dragged me down, now it makes me smile.

If you have to go back to sand floors then it doesn't really matter how you move, because you're likely to encounter them again surely

Why even send DH to say goodbye?
You can just leave without saying goodbye. It really isn't an issue.

This is all very strange OP. Why would you need to say goodbye? How is her illness your fault exactly? And why the hell would they cruise past your new house?
Is there going to be a massive drip feed that they’re your parents or your ILs?

Just wondering what subjects we are allowed to post about/discuss given the cost of living/Ukraine situation or should Mumsnet just grind to a halt @tobedtoMn

I don’t get it
Just move
You don’t have to tell them anything
I’m sure they will be just as happy at your departure as you are

@saveforthat

Just wondering what subjects we are allowed to post about/discuss given the cost of living/Ukraine situation or should Mumsnet just grind to a halt *@tobedtoMn*

Discuss what you like. I will comment from my perspective. That's what this is.

I don’t get it. Why would you need to tell them? Unless you’re the poster who lives on a farm and your dh’s family all own houses on the farm and your bil is an idiot? Why tell neighbours you’re moving if you don’t get on?

Just so you have somethng to compare this to. I moved from a crowded street where I knew lots of neighbours to say hello to and 2 who were/are frineds. We told our friends we were moving, everyine else found out on the day, because it wouldn't really interest them.

You're not being nice by letting them know. You're keeping yourself too involved in the narrative they have about you in their minds, which you can't change or affect.

I do understand the wanting to sneak away however, if they're likely to be verbally abusive that's so unpleasant. You're hurting no one by protecting you and your family from that.

OP are you the poster with the abusive neighbours and there was some issue with a farm track? You’ve got ponies? I think I remember the thread.

I’m not sure why you feel the need to extend any sort of courtesy to them if they’re nothing but abusive to you. It’s a very hard situation to understand. I don’t know why you’d engage with them at all.

@lemongreentea

I’m from a city, now living in a small town, it’s very different here (in my very limited experience) as you don’t get the same anonymity here.

Part of the problem was I wanted my privacy (they let themselves into my house when I wasn’t there as I was expecting a delivery so had left a key in the back door). They told me they’d done it after ‘they were doing me a favour’. I didn’t confront them which I regret as it was a tipping point for me

Just leave them with the mystery of not knowing about the move or if the house is sold or where you have gone to or why.

@Herejustforthisone

I’m not that poster that you’re referring too.I’ve never posted on this before.

Thanks everyone, it’s great to have an outside perspective

Forget being nice just leave and don’t utter another word to them. This is taking ‘people pleasing’ too far.

@Ohnonevermind are you related to these neighbours? Why do they have a key for a house you own?

I appreciate you saying it’s outing OP but without any context it’s difficult to understand why there is an issue at all let alone give advice/opinions.

Sorry just reread your post again. You owe these people nothing. I can’t believe what you’ve been putting up with.

Weird one. It’s none of your neighbours business where you move and what you do. It’s a detached so how the hell can they see you? I barely see mine.
What’s with the ‘long story’ anyway? There’s parts missing to why your neighbour is over invested in you,

@Hoppinggreen good spot. Plus no mention of being grateful, reading the room, blah blah blah!

@tobedtoMN

A bit tone deaf when some are choosing whether to heat or eat 🙄

Sorry, what?! Are you saying that anyone with some exciting news shouldn't share it because it might upset those in a different position financially?

That's ridiculous and everyone would have something to be upset about 100% of the time if that's the case.

You owe them nothing. Don’t tell them or say goodbye. Although I agree I don’t know how you sign for a house secretly.
We’ve been on both sides. Moved and didn’t tell a horror neighbour we were going and seemingly nice neighbours who also moved and didn’t say goodbye.

Enjoy the new found freedom and space and privacy. People who have not lived next to nightmare neighbours don’t understand the stress and panic just hearing a car or seeing someone walk past will bring and how much constant anxiety you live under, just waiting for the next noise/incident to occur.

New house yay!

@Herejustforthisone

They don’t have a key, we’re not related. I went to a toddler group and left the back door unlocked for a delivery. They walked in through the unlocked door.

[quote Ohnonevermind]@lemongreentea

I’m from a city, now living in a small town, it’s very different here (in my very limited experience) as you don’t get the same anonymity here.

Part of the problem was I wanted my privacy (they let themselves into my house when I wasn’t there as I was expecting a delivery so had left a key in the back door). They told me they’d done it after ‘they were doing me a favour’. I didn’t confront them which I regret as it was a tipping point for me[/quote]
They let themselves into your house?!

I'm guessing they are related or connected to you in some way? Or you have very very poor boundaries and let people trample over you.

You don't owe these nosy intrusive people anything UNLESS they have somehow paid for some of your house or loaned you money to improve it. Otherwise it just doesnt make sense.

Are you having any kind of therapy for the anxiety?

If these people are not related to you, arent paying your bills, arent doing any sort of childcare or favours for you, then you can just walk away without saying goodbye or letting them know your business.

Block their numbers and on social media.

Enjoy your new house.

Don't tel them anything! You have absolutely no obligations to them whatsoever.

Cross posted with you OP.

Yanbu in general. They sound awful. But Yabu to give them so much headspace.

I'm sorry but how on earth are you going to find a removals company that will work under the cover of darkness?

Just move. Stand tall and ignore them.