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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sneak away in the night from neighbours

207 replies

Ohnonevermind · 16/04/2022 09:51

We’ve had a hard few years with difficult neighbours. We’ve kept our heads down but unfortunately they’ve suffered some really bad luck in the last few years and are projecting onto me in particular. I have had some unwarranted abuse hurled at me over the last few years. It was mainly low level stuff but it drags you slowly down.
I don’t walk out of my house any more
and drive past theirs (detached houses in the countryside) so covid has been fun.

During the last year they’ve escalated it massively including them wanting to speak to me to tell me what they think of me 🤷‍♀️ I would explain further but it’s massively outing (I know that phrase is maddening)

But a fabulous house has come up 6 miles away. It’s perfect for us and we don’t have to sell our house to finance it. It’s got all the stuff we put into our house (a forever home) too

The amazing thing is secretly we’re signing next week (10 minute viewing was enough) it’s nearer family. We’ve just checked with family if they’d be happy (they’re delighted) but we’re keeping it low key until the deal is done.

AIBU to slip away in the night, part of me thinks I should tell my neighbours we are leaving but I worry it might escalate issues on their side.

I’m so secretly happy, every time I looked out my window and saw their house it dragged me down, now it makes me smile.

OP posts:
fourofwands · 16/04/2022 10:54

Feel like there's information missing about the delivery and precisely why they went into your house

SpaceFarce · 16/04/2022 10:54

@tobedtoMN

A bit tone deaf when some are choosing whether to heat or eat 🙄
ODFOD. Honestly, this is a forum for everyone to post about any subject they choose. If it upsets you to see anything other than the issues that are prevalent to you at this time, I suggest you step away from the internet.
SpaceFarce · 16/04/2022 10:55

To the OP: agree with the others - I’ve moved house many times and never once informed my neighbours until they either see the ‘for sale’ sign or the movers arriving.

whynotwhatknot · 16/04/2022 10:56

Dont ever leave your doors unlocked or key n the door you wont be covered by insurance

you probably wont be able to leave in the middle of the night unless your doing all the removals yourselvs even then i think they'll notice all the noise

Want2beme · 16/04/2022 10:57

Make sure they don't get hold of your new address, and just wave goodbye, like the Queen, if you happen to bump into them on your moving out dayGrin

TigerYiger · 16/04/2022 10:57

You're playing the victim and are here repeating your story to a new audience.

I'm sorry that you're going through this but the actual content / finance / house / etc backdrop is just that, a backdrop is irrelevant. You're seeking approval outside of yourself to fix a feeling inside, you've probably been doing since forever to fix an uncomfortable truth you're trying to avoid. We all do it, but this uncomfortable truth is what I call you out on.

This will follow you to your new house, just like it followed you to here and now and something similar probably played a part in you moving to the country in the first place - your post shouts of a repeating pattern op. Mumsnet, 'sending your hubby' 'sneaking' and all the other rescuers and tactics you're trying to use are pointless unless you take a look in the mirror.

Sorry, I know we're strangers and this might sound hard but it is said with a warm heart - we all have our repeating patterns, op pls step back from the contents of your world and see the drama you are creating. Look up somatics and body based healing when you're ready to see and heal. Good luck

Thetoasterhasbroken · 16/04/2022 10:59

On a bit of a side note, don’t you legally have to declare neighbour disputes when selling a house? What if they make the new buyers lives hell?

OnaBegonia · 16/04/2022 11:04

Why would DH need 'to break the bad news'?
Just move , no need for announcements, you don't like them why would you need to tell them.

Original poster
Ohnonevermind · 16/04/2022 11:05

@Thetoasterhasbroken

I’ll ask our solicitor thanks

@TigerYiger

Are you my neighbour 🤣

OP posts:
Pluvia · 16/04/2022 11:08

Strange post, OP. You've had a problem, you've found a solution and now you've invented a non-existent problem to enable you to tell us how hard-done-by you've been — you with your two perfect forever-home detached houses. Hmmm...

Mischance · 16/04/2022 11:10

Will you eventually be selling your house? If not, I would just slip away - if you decide to rent it out you do not want to antagonise these neighbours from hell so they make life difficult for your tenant and the word getting out that this is not the place to live.

WomanStanleyWoman · 16/04/2022 11:11

@Thetoasterhasbroken

On a bit of a side note, don’t you legally have to declare neighbour disputes when selling a house? What if they make the new buyers lives hell?
A legal dispute, yes. If they just get on your tits a bit, then no, you don’t have to go into detail.
WakeMeUpWhenTheyHaveGone · 16/04/2022 11:12

Nobody’s business.

And blank them in the street if you’re unlucky to bump into them again

gamerchick · 16/04/2022 11:12

I don't get it. I don't let people I've clashed with my business. Just move, it's not a big deal.

Geezabreak82 · 16/04/2022 11:12

Our neighbours did a moonlit flitting when we were kids. One evening they were there, and the next morning they were gone. Logistically I think it's really difficult and they seemed to abandon a lot of their stuff, including kids toys that seemed to have been dropped on the drive. Why not just move in the normal way during the day? You could get the moving company to deal with removing all your belongings and make yourself scarce if you don't want to be about to answer questions from your neighbour.

sunshinesupermum · 16/04/2022 11:15

Never told our horrid next door neighbours we were leaving. Saw no reason to. No need to sneak away!

IntricateRhyme · 16/04/2022 11:15

Just go whenever you feel ready to. Our nice NDNs on one side sneaked away without telling anyone they planned to do so. They just upped and moved, because they were so sick of their bullying NDN on the other side and the persistent nosiness from the NDNs on other side of us who spied on everyone all the time.

Awful road, so many difficult people.

When it was our turn to move, we did the same. Didn't tell anyone, just moved out, gone. The difficult NDNs were just left standing there watching us go. Felt good.

NeverChange · 16/04/2022 11:16

Very dramatic, it's not as if they are going to follow you, begging you to stay if you move out during daylight hours?

You seem to thing you are more important than they think you are. They won't give a hoot.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 16/04/2022 11:16

sounds bit odd op

AdoraBell · 16/04/2022 11:16

As others have said, simply move and don’t give them the head space. Enjoy your new home. When they notice and start questioning you just give vague answers, or a blank stare.

We did that last year, busy body neighbour who gossips about everyone. Our buyer seemed to be a busy body too, I’m sure there will be fireworks, but that’s not my problem.

Original poster
Ohnonevermind · 16/04/2022 11:17

@Mischance

We can’t afford to hold onto it forever empty but we’ve some savings to tide us over until we decide what to do, just some breathing space.

I’m afraid to mention to anyone in real life in case I jinx it, so I thought I’d discuss it anonymously here, as I thought this was kind of the point of mumsnet 🙂

I’m trying not to say anything outing so apologies if anyone feels they’re not getting the full story.

Thanks to everyone who has given constructive advise, I really appreciate it

OP posts:
MrsLargeEmbodied · 16/04/2022 11:18

you seem a bit paranoid
which is an awful feeling
i hope you are happy in your new house

IntricateRhyme · 16/04/2022 11:21

@Thetoasterhasbroken

On a bit of a side note, don’t you legally have to declare neighbour disputes when selling a house? What if they make the new buyers lives hell?
We checked with our solicitor on that point. We decided to declare all the attacks, saying we believed them to be personal, as in our NDNs hated us, for whatever weird reason. They were strange people. Buyers bought anyway, saying they weren't bothered.

Turned out it wasn't just a personal vendetta against us, but against all neighbours. Our buyers sold up after about 3 years, couldn't take any more. But at least there couldn't be any comeback on us.

Dancer47 · 16/04/2022 11:21

OP you seem afraid of something
-wanting to snd your DH to says you are moving
or
-miving in the middle of the night
-worried that your old neighbours will "cruise" your new house
-you hated that they came into your open house and left a delivery indoors.

What are you scared of?
You have moved from a big city and never fittefd in where you are - is that it?
Fro a different persective, Ilive in a small place and have everyone's keys as they have mine - for emergencies, burglar alarms, deliveries, in case they lock themselves out, to check on people that haven't been seen - that's how we live in the rural north country. Perhaps you have city attitudes which are very different.

If I were you I would be trying to work out what you are frightened of, because you are frightened of something.

WonderfulYou · 16/04/2022 11:22

YABU
If my neighbours weren’t very nice then I’d take pleasure in telling them I’m leaving!

You say you’ve had abuse hurled at you and tell you what they think of you - the next time they do that day don’t worry you won’t have to put up with me much longer as I am moving.
If they want details tell them it’s non of their business.

Obviously only tell them when you’re definitely moving as if anything falls through you’d have to put up with them being worse.