To sneak away in the night from neighbours

[Ohnonevermind]

We’ve had a hard few years with difficult neighbours. We’ve kept our heads down but unfortunately they’ve suffered some really bad luck in the last few years and are projecting onto me in particular. I have had some unwarranted abuse hurled at me over the last few years. It was mainly low level stuff but it drags you slowly down.
I don’t walk out of my house any more
and drive past theirs (detached houses in the countryside) so covid has been fun.

During the last year they’ve escalated it massively including them wanting to speak to me to tell me what they think of me 🤷‍♀️ I would explain further but it’s massively outing (I know that phrase is maddening)

But a fabulous house has come up 6 miles away. It’s perfect for us and we don’t have to sell our house to finance it. It’s got all the stuff we put into our house (a forever home) too

The amazing thing is secretly we’re signing next week (10 minute viewing was enough) it’s nearer family. We’ve just checked with family if they’d be happy (they’re delighted) but we’re keeping it low key until the deal is done.

AIBU to slip away in the night, part of me thinks I should tell my neighbours we are leaving but I worry it might escalate issues on their side.

I’m so secretly happy, every time I looked out my window and saw their house it dragged me down, now it makes me smile.

The only reason to avoid telling them is if you think they will discover the new house that you are buying and gazzump you before you sign.
Even the most batshit neighbours wouldn't go that far

I don’t understand this thread, surely people simply pack and move. Why would you need to tell your neighbours your business or hide the fact you’re moving from them? Simply live your life. Pack stuff, move stuff, live somewhere else. Ta dah.

Ohnonevermind

My NDN is the extremely nosey twitching curtain type...if I am in my back garden, she either looks out her window or comes into hers to see what I am doing , I was having work done on my house & carpenter said she'd arrived 'for a look as she was thinking of getting jobs done'. I've overheard her on her mobile...she uses it in her garden (& on speaker) alot & she is a total gossip, listening to one person's confidential information (on speaker!) & swearing secrecy & then ringing another person & divulging all, personal private info. She is just not a very nice person. I find her ultra competetive, volunteering information & bigging herself up (or trying to) & making little snide remarks any time we speak. I & my kids value education & have done well, she thinks college is a bit highbrow/elitist & she & her kids have done fine without it (fair enough, she asked me what I worked at!)...she comments on the fact that I work fulltime & she chose to work part-time to mind her kids & financially she doesn't have to work, she can give it up anytime, she told someone on the (speaker!) phone one day that she was put on reduced hours (during pandemic) but went out of her way then to engage me to tell me that she had taken time out because she can if she wants & weather was so good..lots of BS with her... ....the ultra judgey type but a slight little chip on her. I pay her little heed or attention & just go about my business, engage as little as possible, quietly listen to podcasts when weeding etc so I don't have to. To be fair, she doesn't impact my life much other than she is a dose. And if I were moving house, I wouldn't tell her a thing...it's none of her business & of all people she'd be the one wanting every little scrap of info. Plus of course she'd have a little snide put down of some sort...
I

I wouldn't think to tell my neighbours if I was moving.

[quote Ohnonevermind]@dancer47

They don’t have my keys, my SIL has my spare key who also lives in my town but about 4 miles away.

I’ve my neighbour on the other sides key, she lives in the U.K. and is travel restricted so I check her house for her (oil/heating etc) with her full consent and let in workmen etc . If she lived here we would swap keys.[/quote]
So, you don't live in the UK - Have I understood it right?

@NamelessGhoul

Would we just pay capital gains on any profit as we will make a loss ? We built an extension and put in stuff that we wouldn’t get the money back for as we thought it was our forever home) we bought in the middle of the Celtic tiger here too so values were very high and while prices have rebounded in cities it’s been slower in the country here.

@Dancer47

I’m not in the U.K.

Why on earth would you leave a key in your back door?

You’re not in the UK

Surely you’ll have asked questions re tax implications during the purchase of your second property!!

And how do you know neighbours came in to propeety?!

And why the heck did you leave a key in your back door and then go out?!

This is all so bizarre and dramatic. Just move, I don't see why you'd say anything to them at all, if you're not friendly.

We live in an apartment block so 32 sets of neighbours. We'll be looking to move soon and we'd probably mention it to 2 or 3 sets of neighbours we're a bit friendlier with (if we bump into them) but it wouldn't cross my mind to tell anyone else

I can see if you were in a terrace or semi it might be polite to mention it, especially if the house will be empty for a while, but you said detached?

A quick goodbye might be a cleaner break (send DH to deliver the bad news) rather than watch them cruise the new house)

‘Cruise the new house’? What are you talking about? You do realise you don’t have to tell them where you’re moving to? It will be a ‘clean break’ because they won’t know where you’ve gone. And why have you had to sign house papers etc ‘in secret’? That is the default situation; it’s not like you would ordinarily invite people to watch?!

If they don’t like you they’ll be relieved that you’re moving. Just move like a normal person. You don’t need to announce it and nor do you need to sneak away. Just move. Literally all they can do is come out and ask if you’re moving, and then you (or DH) can say ‘yes’ and if they ask further questions he can quite frankly tell them to mind their own business.

Well the neighbours don’t sound particularly fond of you from what you’ve posted, so I don’t understand why you’d need to tell them or sneak away? Just go.

Just realised you're in Ireland which changes thing a little bit - my OH is Irish and would very much do a farewell tour of the neighbours here (in UK) whenever we do end up moving. I am a bit more naturally introverted anyway and am more likely to wave a cheerio to some of the neighbours as we drive away for the final time.

You are over thinking it though. You don't need to break any news, but if it makes you feel happier, just confirm you're selling once it goes on the market and you are firmly ensconced in the new house.

@Cherrysoup

I don’t get it. Why would you need to tell them? Unless you’re the poster who lives on a farm and your dh’s family all own houses on the farm and your bil is an idiot? Why tell neighbours you’re moving if you don’t get on?

I thought of that thread too.

It has never even occurred to me to let my neighbours know that I'm moving.

You're seeking approval outside of yourself to fix a feeling inside ... This will follow you to your new house, just like it followed you to here and now and something similar probably played a part in you moving to the country in the first place

I agree with this, particularly as you make a point of saying you've checked with family that they are happy for you to move closer. Own your decisions and your actions.

Lol no I'm not, listen to the amount of posters who don't get the drama you're experiencing. Uncomfortable isn't it! look how bonded to story you are, look how easily you shield yourself from being part of the problem. Good luck, it'll perpetuate and replay in the future.

I'm sort of laughing here. This is the sort of stuff I fret about because I'm from rural Ireland. Then I see you're the same. MY DH who isn't wouldn't even considering telling the neighbours anything. Be less Irish. They will find out where you are anyway as everyone knows everything. However, you're not exactly being rude as you've not put the house up for sale yet.
I'd worry about them noseying about if you're not there. Though they prob do anyway.

TigerYiger - and I agree with you again!

W did this. The previous owner of the house we left had given them keys and when we had building works the man tried to get our builders to change things.

In the end I lost my rag and told him if he stepped on the drive I would have him for trespass. I know but I had PND and he shouted at the TV every night.

We moved about 15 doors away, bigger house detached and no I didn't tell them. Only people we told, were those opposite so we could get the van in the drive.

Just, don't do it, or you'll find they will follow you.

Clearly whatever has gone on between you and your neighbours has altered your perspective, because it must happen dozens of times a day that people simply move house without saying goodbye.

That's the part you need to change. Just move house and let it go.

Shame on you though for being time deaf, not reading the room whilst talking about money and never once mentioning the Ukraine or the Global Pandemic.

Ok. So this is not in Britain.
You are from a city and you moved to the Irish countryside, where everyone knows everyone, and it's a different culture. You got to know these neighbours and got to be friends and know their business, then you fell out spectacularly. Now you are glad to be going.

This.

Thread.

Is.

So.

WEIRD.

@Rewis

It has never even occurred to me to let my neighbours know that I'm moving.

Really? Would you not just knock and say you were leaving and wish them luck in life? Or just tell them out of good manners ? What if they see a bunch of strangers around your old property and wonder what they are doing there and if you are ok or on holiday? Don't you care about people around you at all?