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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sneak away in the night from neighbours

207 replies

Ohnonevermind · 16/04/2022 09:51

We’ve had a hard few years with difficult neighbours. We’ve kept our heads down but unfortunately they’ve suffered some really bad luck in the last few years and are projecting onto me in particular. I have had some unwarranted abuse hurled at me over the last few years. It was mainly low level stuff but it drags you slowly down.
I don’t walk out of my house any more
and drive past theirs (detached houses in the countryside) so covid has been fun.

During the last year they’ve escalated it massively including them wanting to speak to me to tell me what they think of me 🤷‍♀️ I would explain further but it’s massively outing (I know that phrase is maddening)

But a fabulous house has come up 6 miles away. It’s perfect for us and we don’t have to sell our house to finance it. It’s got all the stuff we put into our house (a forever home) too

The amazing thing is secretly we’re signing next week (10 minute viewing was enough) it’s nearer family. We’ve just checked with family if they’d be happy (they’re delighted) but we’re keeping it low key until the deal is done.

AIBU to slip away in the night, part of me thinks I should tell my neighbours we are leaving but I worry it might escalate issues on their side.

I’m so secretly happy, every time I looked out my window and saw their house it dragged me down, now it makes me smile.

OP posts:
Motnight · 16/04/2022 10:12

I don't understand why you think that you might have to sneak away?!

Had similar situation with another flat owner in the same house as us. He was horrible, blamed us for everything, including the wearing out of a 20 year old carpet in the hallway 2 years after we moved in! We moved, didn't tell him and he phoned us (we kept our old phone number). When I asked what actual business it was of his he ran out of bluster and put the phone down. Win win 😂

ElfAndSafetyBored · 16/04/2022 10:12

What are you doing with your old house? (She asks nosily).

Thestagshead · 16/04/2022 10:14

You neither need to sneak away in the night or tell them. Just move. It’s nothing to do with them.

tobedtoMN · 16/04/2022 10:15

Of course people are allowed to move house. Does no one else question the ethics of owning 2 houses outright and leaving one empty and coming on a public forum to bemoan their lot in life?!

And the Ukraine ..!I mean I could on 🤣

NalPolishRemover · 16/04/2022 10:15

This is such a weird thread..why would you need to tell a cranky neighbour anything at all about your life plans?
Unless this is a massive drip feed & your neighbours are actually inlaws/ family?
Just live your life & leave them to theirs?
Also a bit unfathomable that you can just buy another house at the drop of a hat!

toomuchlaundry · 16/04/2022 10:15

Will your old house stand empty?

tobedtoMN · 16/04/2022 10:16

@NalPolishRemover precisely

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 16/04/2022 10:16

I wouldn't go out of my way to tell them but I wouldn't go out of my way to not tell them either.
You just move house in the normal way in daylight hours and I am sure they will notice. They will either say something or they won't and either way you won't care cos you are leaving.

I don't get on well or badly with my neighbour. We are kind of neutral. I am not best pleased about his massive 2 storey 'garage' he erected in his back garden looming over mine and I am sure he is not best pleased that I got a dog and sometimes it barks.
We have not said anything to one another about these matters however
That is the British way.

Original poster
Ohnonevermind · 16/04/2022 10:17

@SuperSange

I know, they’re so easy to offend, they have nothing else to do (neither work, large financial resources, and loads of time on their hands).

A quick goodbye might be a cleaner break (send DH to deliver the bad news) rather than watch them cruise the new house)

OP posts:
NoCureForLove · 16/04/2022 10:17

Aren't you worried about being able to sell your house / leaving it unoccupied in those circumstances?

MrBallLegs · 16/04/2022 10:19

You don't need to tell them anything but I wouldn't be sneaking away either.

fourofwands · 16/04/2022 10:20

This is so weird. You don't get on with the neighbours, you're moving, why would you bother telling them or care what they think? Just move.

What is happening with your current house?

Alleycat1 · 16/04/2022 10:22

Why would they cruise the new house unless you are going to give them your new address? Or they are family as other posters have suggested.

GinIronic · 16/04/2022 10:22

“Cruise the new house “? What do you mean?

tara66 · 16/04/2022 10:23

You know you have to pay Capital Gains Tax now if you buy a new house and do not sell existing one within (I think it is) 9 months? Do not obsess about your neighbours. Also be careful re. neighbours and the truthful form you are required to complete for buyers.

Hoppinggreen · 16/04/2022 10:25

[quote Ohnonevermind]@SuperSange

I know, they’re so easy to offend, they have nothing else to do (neither work, large financial resources, and loads of time on their hands).

A quick goodbye might be a cleaner break (send DH to deliver the bad news) rather than watch them cruise the new house)[/quote]
No, don’t do any of that
You are making this weird

Original poster
Ohnonevermind · 16/04/2022 10:25

We will rent it/sell it. It’s the only home the kids have ever known so we want to give them a few months to settle first.

We’ve kids and pets so easier to sand floors etc once we’re out and spruce up for sale.

OP posts:
SpiderinaWingMirror · 16/04/2022 10:26

My dsis did this. They had semi detached neighbours who were dreadful, banging, crashing making their lives difficult.
They bought a new house, moved out and tenants moved in.
Funnily enough, tenants never had an issue

Rodedooda · 16/04/2022 10:28

Are you a minor Royal?

Bogofftosomewherehot · 16/04/2022 10:29

@GeoffLynton

Not sure what the quandary is, you just move house. The end.
this
Newestname002 · 16/04/2022 10:29

@Ohnonevermind, It's none of their business where you are moving to, and I would use this opportunity to never say anything to them again - including not saying a word to them about your move. You stand the chance of them getting involved in your new location by engaging with them now - however kindly meant on your part.

I'm assuming these neighbours are not family, close or otherwise, so no need to tell them your plans. I would, however, do an online mail redirect that ensure your mail arrives at your new home as soon as you have a completion date. Also if they have your mobile number then block and delete - and ensure they have no access to your social media.

Good luck for the future/in your new home - and ensure you have strong boundaries with people like this going forward. 🌹

eurochick · 16/04/2022 10:29

I'm baffled as to why this is difficult. Just move. No need for any angst about it. If they were friendly you could go round and say goodbye but they are clearly not so just live your life.

lemongreentea · 16/04/2022 10:30

This is such an odd non-problem. Are they related to you somehow? Or did they lend you money to renovate your house(s).

Is the old house staying empty or are you renting it out.

How would they know where you have moved to? Will you keep in contact with them? Will you give them the address? Are they related to you via in-laws so are in your wider circle?

Genuinely can't see the issue except you have anxiety. Are you seeking out help for it?

caecilius1 · 16/04/2022 10:31

Unless this neighbour is a relative or a former business partner, why would you need to discuss your personal business together?
OP, quite frankly your very unusual post leads me to be concerned for your state of mind.

monkeysox · 16/04/2022 10:32

They'll find out when someone else moves in