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Original poster

To cringe when I think back to my wedding day build up

205 replies

Reflectiveshine322 · 16/04/2022 06:43

My friend is soon to be married. Dear God I am so so bored of the endless wedding day chat, its mind numbingly boring. I am feigning interest, asking questions etc. Don't get me wrong, I am interested and looking forward to the day but there's a point where the fine details don't interest me and it's just too much.

Its made me think back to my own wedding day. I got so caught up in the excitement of it, the big build up, all the little things that for some reason become hugely important. I've realised that no one else genuinely would have given a crap about the colour of the chair covers or what flowers I had (other than my DH and my mum). I cringe at the whole thing now and wish I could nip back in time, have a low key affair booked a few months in advance. I wasn't a bridezilla but it was all so OTT, I remember playing my bridesmaids our first dance song in the car and having a cry over it. I bet they were secretly pissing themselves laughing 🙈

Does anyone else cringe over their pre wedding behaviour? I'm not even sure many people like weddings. I think close family and friends weddings are generally good fun but I've been to so many where it's such a long day, you're hungry, lots of waiting around, boring speeches, so much polite small talk with people you don't even really know, terrible dancing with distant family members, spending a small fortune on the outfit/accommodation/gift.

OP posts:
babyjellyfish · 16/04/2022 06:48

OP, did you enjoy your wedding? Did it all go as planned? Are you enjoying being married?

gamerchick · 16/04/2022 06:49

I wish I could go back and have a quiet one but for other reasons. I still won't look at the photos.

I can see why some brides and grooms lose their head a bit though. It's an intense thing to plan Grin

Original poster
Reflectiveshine322 · 16/04/2022 06:51

babyjellyfish I did enjoy the day but I would have enjoyed it just as much if we'd had a smaller one and actually I think it would have been much less stressful. There were a few minor hiccups. Very happily married which is the main thing.

OP posts:
babyjellyfish · 16/04/2022 06:53

In that case I wouldn't worry about it. The past is the past, and even if you did go a little bit over the top, you wouldn't be the first and you won't be the last.

Would it have been very expensive for your friends to attend, once travel, hotels, hen do etc are all added up?

Cherryana · 16/04/2022 06:53

But it was of it’s time.
We were young and the wedding stuff was all new.

There was no Pinterest- just mood boards cut from bride magazines, when I got married!! But I had a mood board for every detail!!

Surely now, I would do it completely differently and much more low key, but I have a lot of affection for the they way I was so excited and focused.

speakout · 16/04/2022 06:54

I could never get wrapped up in all that wedding planning- sounds gruesome.
OH and I have been wanting to get married for years but it's the wedding itself that puts us off.

DrSbaitso · 16/04/2022 06:56

A good friend won't mind if someone goes a bit gaga over their wedding. It's a big deal to them and as long as they're not actually being nasty, it's not a problem.

pinkunicorns54 · 16/04/2022 06:58

One of my friends politely told me during the wedding 'this is the biggest most important thing in your life, but not everyone else's' gave me perspective and I still think about that mantra with a lot of aspects of my life 🤣

Original poster
Reflectiveshine322 · 16/04/2022 07:00

Cherryana I did the same! I've still got 'the book' somewhere with sections for hair, dresses, flowers etc all cut out from magazines. I used to buy 'you and your wedding' with the weekly food shop.

OP posts:
babyjellyfish · 16/04/2022 07:00

@pinkunicorns54

One of my friends politely told me during the wedding 'this is the biggest most important thing in your life, but not everyone else's' gave me perspective and I still think about that mantra with a lot of aspects of my life 🤣
I'm not sure how one says such a thing politely to a bride during her own wedding!
Original poster
Reflectiveshine322 · 16/04/2022 07:00

pinkunicorns54 wise words, I wish someone had said similar to me!

OP posts:
Original poster
Reflectiveshine322 · 16/04/2022 07:03

babyjellyfish
Would it have been very expensive for your friends to attend, once travel, hotels, hen do etc are all added up?

Yeh, it really all adds up and at the time we were all struggling 20+ year olds with not much disposable income. I didn't go abroad for the hen do but still, it does get expensive.

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 16/04/2022 07:06

I remember planning my wedding but I didn't overly involve others. My dd's and sis were bridesmaids so they were quite involved but no one else really. I did have an amazing day. 😊

TinySaltLick · 16/04/2022 07:07

I think it's easy to look back in this way - but you have the knowledge now of what an actual wedding is like. If you had done a small affair would you similarly be looking back thinking you missed out on planning the big event?

Many people only get one wedding, so it's very difficult to know what it's like when it's the first time - hence people sometimes get very into it, I certainly did the same

I wouldn't cringe at all - it's just youthful innocence from a different era

Also - in my experiences people love weddings! Yes if they are inaccessible or don't have enough food, but that's just bad planning and easily avoided

I'm sure it was a lovely day and you were acting like any excited fiancee was on the eve of their big day

PeaceLily2000 · 16/04/2022 07:09

There's nothing like having to postpone because of a pandemic TWICE to really knock the wind out of your sails 😆
Currently in the wedding lead up but so relaxed as everything we've planned are just a nice additions to the day and not the be all - we just want to finally get married!

SquirrelG · 16/04/2022 07:12

OH and I have been wanting to get married for years but it's the wedding itself that puts us off.

We had very small wedding, and honestly it was a great day. I did very little of the organising - my DH did more than I did. Have the sort of wedding YOU (and your partner) want and it should be enjoyable.

The marriage didn't last in my case, but I still look back on the day with good memories.

Dashel · 16/04/2022 07:17

I was so far the other way that people were worried I didn’t actually want to get married. I love DH very much but weddings were never my thing, but he had always wanted the big white wedding and it was important to him and his family. Marriage is important not a wedding and I’m glad we married.

I was very passive and was that’s nice but for me, I would have rather had a small cheap wedding and put the savings to good use or an expensive honeymoon. I didn’t really get the small details and friends, DH and MIL were getting a lot more stressed about favours, colours, seat plans, table names etc than I did. However it all worked out ok.

I always believed that people remember if they were hungry or couldn’t get a drink then they would remember it for the wrong reasons but I can’t imagine anyone really remembers if they had a wedding favour or what flowers I had.

CoreyTaylorisHot · 16/04/2022 07:17

I do love a good wedding! The last one I went to was pretty chilled, good food, good band and DJ. Food and dancing! Woop! I also like the service as well!
10 year ago I was the first of our friends to get married and I'm glad! I would have been quite happy just turning up after my siblings and mother organised it! 🤣 the venue pretty much done everything as far as room decorating etc and we had a church wedding!
Everyone had a good time, food and drink plentiful and in a easy location to get too and from!
Since Pinterest and things have developed a lot of weddings I've been to have a lot of added extras personalised wedding favours etc and I've noticed at the end of the night a lot of the favours have been left by guests. It makes me feel sad as you can tell there's a lot of effort to go into these things but Sweet barrows, photo booths, expensive bridesmaid dresses, abroad hen dos etc all costing people a lot of money! I couldn't be bothered with all the stress. I find the same people who make big fusses and obsessions over wedding days do the same for other big events in their life such as baby showers etc. I think it's either who you are or you aren't!

FirewomanSam · 16/04/2022 07:20

Bless you OP, at least you can look back and laugh at yourself now! You are far from the first bride to get a little carried away with the wedding planning, don’t give yourself a hard time over that.

I refused to have chair covers at my wedding because of having listened to multiple friends go on about how they were soooo stressed about trying to pick the right chair covers for theirs Grin I remember saying to my sister when she was going on about hers ‘I love you, I am excited for you, but I cannot and will not ever give a toss about your chair covers’. Only a sister could get away with that though.

isthismylifenow · 16/04/2022 07:22

Not so much my wedding, but if I think back to when I had a pfb I do cringe.i would tell everyone everything he did, how he ate xyz that day without a fuss, how he was so advanced etc etc.

Then dc2 came along and things were very different Smile

Yeah I was that mum that I roll my eyes about now... Blush

rainbowsandmagpies · 16/04/2022 07:23

I really like what @Cherryana has said about having affection for your former self. Maybe your bridesmaids did think it was hilarious, but I think its absolutely lovely that you were so excited to dance to that song with your husband that you cried. If I'd planned a wedding in my twenties it would've been vastly different to the one I had in my thirties, and I'm sure the me in my forties will look back and wonder why I did it like that. But I loved my wedding, and I'm filled with affection for the gal that organised it.

Original poster
Reflectiveshine322 · 16/04/2022 07:27

Some lovely replies here, they're making me see my former self with fondess. Bless me, I was very excited and caught up in it all.

Thankfully I recognised the PFB mentality in myself and came off social media and I've always limited any gushing about my DC to grandparents only. They're both in top sets for everything but the only people who know that are their GP's and their own friends.

OP posts:
worriedaboutmoney2022 · 16/04/2022 07:29

Oh god I had this with a friend a couple of years ago she got married and there was drama for months about seat covers etc....

She was into her 40's and unfortunately rocked the 1980's meringue vibe definately mutton dresses as lamb and spent the entire day (you can tell from photos) tilting her chin/ neck to one side trying to pose without a double chin it was hideous

I'd never ever do that - we aren't married but if I was it would be a simple affair

£20k later all this woman has is a stained white dress she'll never wear again and photos making her look bizarre with the neck tilting

Very odd

Cherryana · 16/04/2022 07:30

🥂to moodboads from bride magazines and ❤️ for who we were!!

Original poster
Reflectiveshine322 · 16/04/2022 07:31

worriedaboutmoney2022 ouch that's a bit harsh!

OP posts: