To cringe when I think back to my wedding day build up

[Reflectiveshine322]

My friend is soon to be married. Dear God I am so so bored of the endless wedding day chat, its mind numbingly boring. I am feigning interest, asking questions etc. Don't get me wrong, I am interested and looking forward to the day but there's a point where the fine details don't interest me and it's just too much.

Its made me think back to my own wedding day. I got so caught up in the excitement of it, the big build up, all the little things that for some reason become hugely important. I've realised that no one else genuinely would have given a crap about the colour of the chair covers or what flowers I had (other than my DH and my mum). I cringe at the whole thing now and wish I could nip back in time, have a low key affair booked a few months in advance. I wasn't a bridezilla but it was all so OTT, I remember playing my bridesmaids our first dance song in the car and having a cry over it. I bet they were secretly pissing themselves laughing 🙈

Does anyone else cringe over their pre wedding behaviour? I'm not even sure many people like weddings. I think close family and friends weddings are generally good fun but I've been to so many where it's such a long day, you're hungry, lots of waiting around, boring speeches, so much polite small talk with people you don't even really know, terrible dancing with distant family members, spending a small fortune on the outfit/accommodation/gift.

Oh and we're not bothering with annoying people about being bridesmaids or having a hen or whatever. Extra expense, they'll be there anyway, what's the point?

@Dillidilly

We got married nearly 30 years ago, and I can remember how thrilled and excited I was to make the wedding favours from a kit bought from an ad in the back of a bridal magazine! Circles of pale pink and ivory tulle, sugared almonds and a teeny paper rose bud ❤ I also hand wrote place cards that again I was over the moon to find in Smiths because they had a really pretty design that matched my colours lol No mood boards, but I felt very cutting edge when I splurged on a hardback Wedding Note Book, with that well-known print on the front of a Victorian bride lifting her veil. I thought it was so, so beautiful...

And that was it, really. Fast forward to my daughters wedding and I couldn't believe the sheer choice of all the lovlies.

Wee tear for my past, excited, innocent self!

This is so sweet - I love it 🥰

I’ve never been married but I have been preparing for it, abroad - I ditched fiancé a month before we were due to wed - long story!

Add in a possessive future MIL me living other side of Atlantic and not many friends and family apart from then ex-DF’s ones. My MIL to be vetoed guest list, lots of family from UK were coming but not many friends, I was set to have a UK blessing in England. My DM didn’t agree in paying for it all apart from a token payment so MIL happily stumped up cost as it was her only child. MIL wanted most of control (though she said she didn’t), I even had the bachelorette party early as was going to England to do one there too.

When I did break it off (was only 21) I felt awful, offered to pay for stuff but MIL to be was furious with me. We lived 2 ferry rides from the mainland, I couldn’t drive yet (was learning) and I had to go to mainland with her for all the wedding prep.

I think if I’d had more control, had friends and family around me I’d maybe have gone through with it but I wanted my own mum there and best friends not DF’s mom and friends. But Dfiance was suffering with as then little known about PTSD and was drinking heavily etc and prone to violent moods.

Maybe if I’d had a quieter wedding we could’ve worked through our issues.

I couldn’t face the thought of everyone staring at me, my dad was alive but semi estranged/in touch from me, I had conflicting issues if he’d walk me down the aisle or would stepdad? My mum and nana (her mum) didn’t believe in big white weddings having been married and divorced a few times with no big white weddings for them!

My SIL and DB’s wedding was relaxed and invited lots of family friends and everyone said how nice and best wedding it was.

Have been to so many weddings where literally you feel like an extra in a film, not fun.

I recall SIL (DB’s wife) asking me and other family to be bridesmaids and then saying she had to have her 2 best friends from uni so turned out about 5 bridesmaids including a flower girl of 10 years old. We did wonder why the uni friends but apparently there was a pact then that they’d all be bridesmaids or MOH at each other’s weddings which has never happened!

There was a bit of drama around stealing of thunder etc…

@Dillidilly

We got married nearly 30 years ago, and I can remember how thrilled and excited I was to make the wedding favours from a kit bought from an ad in the back of a bridal magazine! Circles of pale pink and ivory tulle, sugared almonds and a teeny paper rose bud ❤ I also hand wrote place cards that again I was over the moon to find in Smiths because they had a really pretty design that matched my colours lol No mood boards, but I felt very cutting edge when I splurged on a hardback Wedding Note Book, with that well-known print on the front of a Victorian bride lifting her veil. I thought it was so, so beautiful...

And that was it, really. Fast forward to my daughters wedding and I couldn't believe the sheer choice of all the lovlies.

Wee tear for my past, excited, innocent self!

This is lovely ❤️

I love weddings and so do most people I know. I think there can be a skewed attitude on here with regards to the level of entitlement of guests.
Ime people don't typically get bored (most adults are actually able to entertain themselves, chatting and having a drink together without the need for constant entertainment. And if they are a little bored at times, well, theyre adults, they can cope.)
They don't typically expect to be constantly fed in specific quantities, of a certain quality, at specific times (its one day and food is not a top priority for most people, or certainly shouldn't be.)
They don't typically think you're selfish and inconsiderate if attending your hen do or the wedding costs them some money (they know that it's not compulsory and they can decline if they like and that unless they're very close, their absence won't make or break your day.)
They don't typically begrudge the money they spend on the gift (most people's friends like them and want to buy them something and have friends who wouldn't care if the gift was of modest value.)
They don't typically begrudge the amount of money they CHOOSE to spend on their outfit ( they know there are cheaper options for clothes, including ebay or second hand shops if on limited budgets, and that it's unlikely anyone will be scrutinising them that closely at someone else's wedding.)
I realise from MN this isn't the case for everyone. But if it isn't I'd say its more the social circle you have that's the problem, rather than weddings themselves.

Thank you @JudyGemstone! I know it wasn't the original purpose of this thread, but it's been lovely to pause and look back with fondness at my twenty-something self. I think I'm going to have a wee look in a box in the loft which says 'Wedding Memorabilia' on the side!
And Mr Dilly has just gone out to buy me my weekly treat M&S chocolate muffin... ❤

@RosesAndHellebores 1993 for us! I thought my sugared almond favours were the last word in Wedding Sophistication and so unique lol!! Simpler times in many ways.

We had quite a simple wedding, no regrets, still very happily married 28 years, this month.

I think weddings are a bit like first babies, really exciting for the couple and close family, but not so much for others, who just get fed up of hearing about it.

My friend fell out with me because I wouldn’t take a day off work to help her look for wedding dresses a year before the wedding!

In her mind I was ‘jealous’ but I was actually really happy for her.
I just had 3 other weddings to go to that year and I am of course not going to be as excited as the person getting married.

@Lorw thank you! 50 guests, and my dad paid for the reception in a hotel and I thought it was so classy because the room was in blues and pinks with a toning wallpaper border!! No evening reception, just a wedding lunch of roast beef. Melon balls in port as a starter, and chocolate profiteroles for pud! Happy days.

@worriedaboutmoney2022

Oh god I had this with a friend a couple of years ago she got married and there was drama for months about seat covers etc....

She was into her 40's and unfortunately rocked the 1980's meringue vibe definately mutton dresses as lamb and spent the entire day (you can tell from photos) tilting her chin/ neck to one side trying to pose without a double chin it was hideous

I'd never ever do that - we aren't married but if I was it would be a simple affair

£20k later all this woman has is a stained white dress she'll never wear again and photos making her look bizarre with the neck tilting

Very odd

Still probably more flattering than squeezing into a fishtail though.

I had a relatively small wedding, 50 people, married at 5pm, followed by dinner and fireworks, no separate evening reception. I had a black & white colour scheme and had my heart set on alternate black and white napkins at each place setting. I could not find anywhere relatively locally who would hire out 25 black napkins, so the day before the wedding I drove about 100 miles to a supplier who would. The day after the wedding one of DH’s fabulous, patient, understanding, friends drove back, with 25 dirty napkins to return them. He must have thought me completely ridiculous, but didn’t say a word

I remember playing my bridesmaids our first dance song in the car and having a cry over it.

I have one friend who definitely went a bit OTT. She was pretty young, mid twenties, so the first one from our social circle to get married which I guess excuses it a bit! I remember after the wedding she downloaded allll the photos from the wedding to my computer.. all 500 of them! I did not want a photo of her Mum getting her make up done for the day etc.
She still has her dress framed on the wall and photos everywhere even about 15 years later although she now claims weddings are boring and such a hassle … and it does make me roll my eyes. I guess hers was the first and now weddings are so frequent it’s different.

We had a tiny wedding and I’ve never regretted it but then that’s more a personality thing than because I didn’t want to become a bridezilla.

I had a child free wedding about 13 years ago and I remember being annoyed that my cousin bought her 7 month old, not even to the wedding but in the hotel room with MIL. What an entitled, selfish, dickhead I was, I'm embarrassed by that.

It is in the past and you did what you felt like at the time; it was important for you, like it is important for your friend at the moment; but you have matured and grow so it feels strange now.

I agree many people in the UK go over the top on weddings and spent thousands. I would rather spend the money travelling with DH.

I had a small one and loved it and still remember it fondly.

I bet your DH wasn't that bothered about what colour the chair covers were.

Ah OP - I know exactly what you mean.
I just cant believe the money we spaffed on a party. I feel almost guilty now we have children and could have paid a bit off the mortgage or a few amazing family holidays...

But it was the most exciting thing to happen EVER in my life at that time, we could afford it and it was a beautiful day.

As for the big emotions over small things... I'm a happy crier anyway. Forget being embarrassed, Id rather feel the big joy and let my friends have a laugh about it! You don't get the opportunities for happy tears that often as an adult.

Looking back, I wish I’d just run to the nearest registry office. It was just a pain to organise, my ‘d’m tried to remote control it from afar, insisting on a weird bouquet and invitations then re-organised the seating plan the night before, making me cry. I’ve withdrawn from her since, there’s a combination of reasons.

As the mother of two daughters I will tell them I would rather help with a deposit for a home than a big wedding. Surely the most important thing is what comes after that day, not what happens on it. ( A bit like the focus on childbirth… me and my husband spent ages getting our newborn in her car seat and then sat looking at each other in terror at the enormous responsibility. But we were experts on breathing and when to push!)

My wedding was very relaxed but my Dsis ... I couldn't bear it. For the first time in our lives, we didn't speak for a month afterwards! She was very caught up in this 'don't tell the bride', wedding magazines world.

It's one day, make it beautiful, of course, but I don't understand the need for absolute perfection at the cost of everything else. People are human, plans need to be flexible and that's what we remember at the end of the day. I prefer those interactions and peoples memories of them to be positive rather than stressful.

The wedding doesn't make the marriage.

I was an easy going young teenager and sailed through the preparations without a care.
I think it was probably down to me thinking all the 'adults' were discreetly doing the big stuff like ordering cars, inviting the guests and ordering my flowers without bothering me with it.
Though I did help make my wedding dress and organise the hall and wedding breakfast along with my fiancé.

After suffering the two year build up to my dsis's production of a wedding, we organised ours in four weeks, registery office for 55, chinese banquest and karaoke with free bar after for who ever wanted to come. Was brilliant, cost very little and zero stress. I loathe the self absorbed wedding obsession.

I do cringe for people who are OTT about their weddings but I also cringe for myself looking back at some of the things I’ve done non-wedding related too.

I think you just mature and would act a different way today than you would 1, 5, 10+ years ago.
As they say hindsight is a wonderful thing lol.

No cringing just a pat on the back to me for having the balls to uninvited toxic mil to be.. The bigger picture certainly needs looking at ime. No way was she spoiling the day.