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Original poster

To cringe when I think back to my wedding day build up

205 replies

Reflectiveshine322 · 16/04/2022 06:43

My friend is soon to be married. Dear God I am so so bored of the endless wedding day chat, its mind numbingly boring. I am feigning interest, asking questions etc. Don't get me wrong, I am interested and looking forward to the day but there's a point where the fine details don't interest me and it's just too much.

Its made me think back to my own wedding day. I got so caught up in the excitement of it, the big build up, all the little things that for some reason become hugely important. I've realised that no one else genuinely would have given a crap about the colour of the chair covers or what flowers I had (other than my DH and my mum). I cringe at the whole thing now and wish I could nip back in time, have a low key affair booked a few months in advance. I wasn't a bridezilla but it was all so OTT, I remember playing my bridesmaids our first dance song in the car and having a cry over it. I bet they were secretly pissing themselves laughing 🙈

Does anyone else cringe over their pre wedding behaviour? I'm not even sure many people like weddings. I think close family and friends weddings are generally good fun but I've been to so many where it's such a long day, you're hungry, lots of waiting around, boring speeches, so much polite small talk with people you don't even really know, terrible dancing with distant family members, spending a small fortune on the outfit/accommodation/gift.

OP posts:
Maybebabyno2 · 18/04/2022 07:39

I have an obsessive personality, this is why I won't be ever having a proper wedding. I know I would become irritating and would stress over the smallest thing. We will be eloping, no one is surprised.

Ahgoonyegirlye · 18/04/2022 07:59

My 1st piece of advice to anyone thinking of getting married would be to avoid wedding magazines and wedding shows!
The 2nd- make sure your guests are fed properly throughout the day! Been to quite a few where it’s hours and hours and hours of hanging around and no food/drink for the bored guests

bananamuffin89 · 18/04/2022 09:45

I love your honesty lol
My wedding is 1 week away and I have hated the wedding chat since I've had to start planning. I'm not girly and honestly don't care about the fine details of colours blah blah... but yet get asked every single day without fail just because I'm a woman. It shows all over my face that I just dont care but not sure how it comes across.

I'm also pretty aware that this huge party [wedding] were throwing isn't a party for us, it's for everyone else to have the craic and for us to be knackered.. did anyone feel like this ?!?!

AugustOrSept · 18/04/2022 11:45

@Ahgoonyegirlye

My 1st piece of advice to anyone thinking of getting married would be to avoid wedding magazines and wedding shows! The 2nd- make sure your guests are fed properly throughout the day! Been to quite a few where it’s hours and hours and hours of hanging around and no food/drink for the bored guests
Love this advice!!! Planning my wedding at the moment - it's in September but we've only recently booked it and aiming to get the invites out before the end of the month. This thread has been very good for keeping me on the straight and narrow! I won't have a tendency to get carried away with the romantic side but I do have a tendency to get sucked in by the "should do" for things like flowers etc. Trying to avoid googling too much for the above reason, so can anyone tell me -

What the fuck is a wedding theme??

Hairdresser asked as soon as I booked her - er - I have no idea? Like - the theme is "wedding"? What would be a possible answer to this question?? Do they mean colours? What? I feel so out of my depth!

AugustOrSept · 18/04/2022 11:46

@bananamuffin89 yes! If it wasn't for the fact we wanted a massive party we'd have eloped I think!

RosesAndHellebores · 18/04/2022 11:52

@AugustOrSept I have no idea either. Neither do I think my future dil does. DS and his GF are being pretty low key and as they are almost the first of their contemporaries to get married I hope they are setting a trend towards the marriage rather than the wedding.

We spent last week with them and the only chat was about family who are flying in from overseas where possible.

SillySallySassySausage · 18/04/2022 11:53

I think "theme" can mean a couple of things.
Colours, are bridesmaids dresses/mens ties all matchy matchy. Is there a definite colour scheme for everything?
Style of wedding, is it a low-key registry do, boho barn do, corporate hotel suite type? Are you going full Kardashian with a flower wall type do?

RosesAndHellebores · 18/04/2022 12:19

Men's ties at a wedding should be grey/black/silver to tone with morning coat and white shirt.

Parker231 · 18/04/2022 12:27

Mens ties can be any colour - there are no rules. We were at a wedding last weekend and the mens ties were a dusty pink to match the bridesmaids dresses - they all looked lovely

Nobu · 18/04/2022 12:27

I hate weddings.
I worked on so many and watched people wasting enormous amounts of money on them, getting stressed, having family rows, unintentional emotional blackmailing of friends into giving up their holiday time and money to go on holidays with people they don't know.
The idea it's the most important day in your life baffles me. How about buying your 1st home together? Having children? Qualifying in your career?
The princess for a day thing is embarrassing.
We eloped and told people when it was all over.
We had a fabulous day where we committed to each other and celebrated.
Weddings are an industrial business model, they get more expensive and complex with each generation.

RosesAndHellebores · 18/04/2022 12:28

Sounds naff to me but horses for courses.

Parker231 · 18/04/2022 12:31

@RosesAndHellebores

Sounds naff to me but horses for courses.
What is naff about someone wanting what they want at their wedding - it’s not offending anyone. You should be pleased to be invited to celebrate in their special day I hope you keep your comments to yourself at any wedding you are invited to
pictish · 18/04/2022 12:37

“The idea it's the most important day in your life baffles me. How about buying your 1st home together? Having children? Qualifying in your career?”

I feel the same. Bagging a man is hardly an achievement, as someone once said on here, cock is plentiful.

RosesAndHellebores · 18/04/2022 12:44

@Parker231 of course I keep my comments to myself. If ever I attend a wedding where the chaps in the wedding party wear matching pink ties, I'll be sure to let you know.

The joy of MNet is that we don't need to nod and smile.

LetitiaLeghorn · 18/04/2022 12:47

I've realised that no one else genuinely would have given a crap about the colour of the chair covers or what flowers I had (other than my DH and my mum).

And honestly probably not even your DH. 😉

Size5s · 19/04/2022 09:40

My partner and I have been together for 30 yrs. 2 grown up boys/men. We have never married. After experiencing our siblings weddings, it put us off. Such a faff!!

AProperStinging · 19/04/2022 10:15

@Size5s

My partner and I have been together for 30 yrs. 2 grown up boys/men. We have never married. After experiencing our siblings weddings, it put us off. Such a faff!!
It doesn't need to be a faff at all. Ours took half a day and cost about £200 and we have full legal/financial protection for us and our children. You should consider doing it for the legal protection.
x2boys · 19/04/2022 14:41

Agree a wedding doesn't have to be a faff unless you want it to be , honestly I would have been happy to just get married with two witnesses,but I knew my parents would be upset so had a small wedding ,I didn't faff around with seat covers etc ,each to their own .

DomesticatedZombie · 20/04/2022 14:10

Girls are taught from dot that their wedding day is absolutely the most important day/event/high point of their lives. Think of all the films with the wedding as the climax, the pay-off, the Happy Ending.

It's hardly surprising we buy into the fantasy and get seduced by it. I wouldn't beat yourself up, OP. Getting older is just a slow, cringeing realisation of all the things we did wrong as youths, ime. 😊

46566fhvshdhh · 20/04/2022 14:16

Ha. I didn't have a "wedding", we snuck off with a couple of very discreet friends and did it at cost just to get the legals sorted.

If we get found out I expect there will be some huffing from various family and friends - for all your ambivalence in hindsight OP, that's not a worry for you!

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 20/04/2022 16:17

Unfortunately there are many things from my late teens and twenties that I look back on and cringe about now, OP, you are most definitely not alone! In fact I can't quite believe I was such a prick back then but there we are 😁

The arrogance of youth eh

AProperStinging · 20/04/2022 16:35

DomesticatedZombie · 20/04/2022 14:10

Girls are taught from dot that their wedding day is absolutely the most important day/event/high point of their lives. Think of all the films with the wedding as the climax, the pay-off, the Happy Ending.

It's hardly surprising we buy into the fantasy and get seduced by it. I wouldn't beat yourself up, OP. Getting older is just a slow, cringeing realisation of all the things we did wrong as youths, ime. 😊

Lots of women don't buy into that crap at any stage in our lives.

I didn't & I don't believe my daughter will either.

DomesticatedZombie · 20/04/2022 16:55

AProperStinging · 20/04/2022 16:35

Lots of women don't buy into that crap at any stage in our lives.

I didn't & I don't believe my daughter will either.

Show quote history

Well, good for you!

Looking at the broader picture these ideas and values and expectations do affect lots of women and girls. We don't live in a vacuum, and we learn values from lots of different places. Does it help women to be told over and over that meeting The One is the only thing that matters, and that our performance on one day is something to measure our self worth on?

I think there's probably a measure of importance on a ritual to commit to a life partner, but it's blown out of all proportion when women worry about it so much. I also wonder if the emphasis has shifted from what used to be really a community event where the organisation and work and participation was shared with everyone, to something that is focussed to an utterly intense degree on the woman getting married, who controls every tiny aspect and is responsible for failing or succeeding according to some not-quite-defined standard. Individualism and consumerism does tend to do that.

AProperStinging · 20/04/2022 17:45

@DomesticatedZombie
Does it help women to be told over and over that meeting The One is the only thing that matters, and that our performance on one day is something to measure our self worth on?

Indeed it doesn't and I can think of several examples in my own family/friends where they've made really stupid life decisions in the pursuit of this bullshit fantasy.

That's why I am quite vocal about not buying into it.

APJ1 · 21/04/2022 09:08

A good friend won't mind if someone goes a bit gaga over their wedding.

That is giving me visions of a bride walking down the aisle with a dress made of meat and a telephone on her head. 😄