To cringe when I think back to my wedding day build up

[Reflectiveshine322]

My friend is soon to be married. Dear God I am so so bored of the endless wedding day chat, its mind numbingly boring. I am feigning interest, asking questions etc. Don't get me wrong, I am interested and looking forward to the day but there's a point where the fine details don't interest me and it's just too much.

Its made me think back to my own wedding day. I got so caught up in the excitement of it, the big build up, all the little things that for some reason become hugely important. I've realised that no one else genuinely would have given a crap about the colour of the chair covers or what flowers I had (other than my DH and my mum). I cringe at the whole thing now and wish I could nip back in time, have a low key affair booked a few months in advance. I wasn't a bridezilla but it was all so OTT, I remember playing my bridesmaids our first dance song in the car and having a cry over it. I bet they were secretly pissing themselves laughing 🙈

Does anyone else cringe over their pre wedding behaviour? I'm not even sure many people like weddings. I think close family and friends weddings are generally good fun but I've been to so many where it's such a long day, you're hungry, lots of waiting around, boring speeches, so much polite small talk with people you don't even really know, terrible dancing with distant family members, spending a small fortune on the outfit/accommodation/gift.

@RosesAndHellebores

To be entirely fair no potential wedding guest should be put to more expense than overnight at an hotel if they wish and a wedding gift they can afford.

Hens and stags should imo be moderate and involve no more than the cost of a reasonable dinner. Nice brides and grooms are mindful of what their most pressed guests can afford and respect it. That is basic good manners.

This is something I think is important and I don’t think my friends always appreciated why I couldn’t attend their fancy hen dos.. I was the first of my group of friends to have kids etc. They did not appreciate that once you have young kids it is not always possible to spend your family’s holiday budget on a hen do away somewhere. Or that spending a few nights away from babies etc is not possible even if it is affordable.

I agree with the op,how I wish I had just gone somewhere quiet a few friends , got married and had a flamin party where I put some food on and my guests bought their own drinks.
All the flipping themes ,colours ,I’m not coming if so and so is coming.
Don’t get dragged down the wedding rabbit hole, anyone who cares just wants you to be happy.
All the fripperies are just that -don’t waste money ,do it your way ,make it your day don’t worry about everyone else.

@worriedaboutmoney2022

Oh god I had this with a friend a couple of years ago she got married and there was drama for months about seat covers etc....

She was into her 40's and unfortunately rocked the 1980's meringue vibe definately mutton dresses as lamb and spent the entire day (you can tell from photos) tilting her chin/ neck to one side trying to pose without a double chin it was hideous

I'd never ever do that - we aren't married but if I was it would be a simple affair

£20k later all this woman has is a stained white dress she'll never wear again and photos making her look bizarre with the neck tilting

Very odd

Christ, this is horrifically judgemental for being about a "friend". I feel really sorry for her now, I hope she has other friends. More supportive, less horrible ones.

Oh dear God every time I see my sister in law to be we have to have yet another chat about the up and coming wedding (in 12 bloody months) I love her to bits and I understand she is excited but I can’t take another year of talking about about balloon arches and seating arrangements. I am ready to blow my own brains out. I got married abroad and had a fabulous time with very little stress involved. I was never a bridezilla and I honestly struggle to understand the OTT reactions of some brides to be.

I've had 3 weddings, first one at 21 heavily pregnant, parents very embarrassed. Parents decided on the venue, guests (family) etc and I chose my outfit with my mum. All low key and made to feel ashamed throughout. Second was to the same groom as the first but years later. We planned a little church wedding, dream dress etc but hated the whole day due to realising I was making a mistake re-marrying him and hating feeling the centre of attention. Third, best and hopefully final wedding to DH in local registry office, in jeans with 2 mums-netters recruited as witnesses.

I’m gay so our wedding ( well, Civil Partnership at the time as we couldn’t get married) was much more low key than most weddings thank god, and we didn’t have to follow any traditions at all as no-one had ever been to a gay wedding before there was no expectation.
So we had no pages, flower girls, traditional wedding dresses, speeches, weren’t by law allowed any religious aspect, not even hymns, and ditched anything we found boring about weddings.
It absolutely saved us! As it was things got a bit stressy in the run up and I can see why people get carried away. Easily done.
My BFF ( of 35 years) didn’t have me as her best woman/ bridesmaid or give me a role as she wanted to have someone who gave a flying fig about hemlines and party favours. And she’s said that’s now her biggest regret, as she had a girlier, newer friend who she fell out with soon after and never saw again.

@ABitBesottedWithMyDog

I never thought I'd get married because I hated the idea of a wedding so much.

I still feel grateful DH agreed to a registry office with two witnesses.

Yep, that was me and exactly my reason. First wedding, 2 witnesses in register office then went for a curry. Second one, 3 witnesses then went for lunch at nice restaurant.

Got married three days ago, so not cringing yet!

@GuidoTheKillerPimp

Got married three days ago, so not cringing yet!

Congratulations!

Not my wedding, but I cringe when I think about my first pregnancy. I earnestly updated my family WhatsApp every week with what fruit was the same size as my baby, I talked about my pregnancy non fucking stop at work and I was basically a total princess. Telling waiters that I was pregnant so needed to be certain meat was well cooked etc.

I cringe so hard when I think about it now. Second pregnancy was completely different, I literally never spoke about it!

My friend has gone crazy over her wedding. She spends most of the time when I see her complaining about the other bridesmaids, friends of ours, her family etc - about ‘crimes’ they’ve done that don’t sound bad at all to me so I’m sure she complains about me to them. She wanted to bin off one of the other bridesmaids for no real reason, It’s odd.

I think it’s very cute that you cried in the car 😁 and the fact you are embarrassed now goes to show you’re not a complete loon. I’m sure your BMs love(d) you to bits regardless. You can’t really judge your 20-something self through the jaded eyes of a 30-something mother!

I would never judge anyone for wanting the big white wedding. It is, after all, supposed to be a once in a lifetime thing and people understandably want to celebrate in style with their family and friends.

That being said... that is absolutely not my style at all because I know we wouldn't have been able to cope with the stress (and the cost!) so we eloped to Las Vegas and got married by Elvis

I purposely gave myself a 5 month engagement to get it all over and done with. I would have had a very low key wedding but my mum wanted it a certain way and I didn't want to fall out with her.
So she booked a dress appointment and I picked one there and then, no alterations. She booked a look at a venue, it was nice so I booked it in. I sorted a date with a priest and a shopping day with bridesmaids to choose their dresses and shoes, from the high street.
I did my own make up, my sister did my hair. I borrowed a friend's car, did my own invitations, flowers and table settings. It was fun but I didn't need to deliberate for ages, I did what I liked. I didn't really consult much with anyone, just got on with it.

I got married in the 80s.
What stands out to me now is the photographer I hired was lesbian, and she took twice as many photos of my mum than she did of the groom & me. In fact, she took took so many more that she gave us a 25% discount on the final bill.
😂😂😂

31 years ago I had a traditional white wedding. The most important part was the marriage ceremony ( the bit where oromises are made before God). Those promises were celebrated by and bound by the coming together of two families and sets of friends.

@MyCatIsAJerk

I got married in the 80s. What stands out to me now is the photographer I hired was lesbian, and she took twice as many photos of my mum than she did of the groom & me. In fact, she took took so many more that she gave us a 25% discount on the final bill. 😂😂😂

Your mum should be very flattered!

Ours was great! We did it all on a budget - small bridesmaids and a page boy kitted out at BHS (autumn sale), used FILs elderly Mercedes, borrowed a dress from a friend etc. Sit down hotel meal for 60 in the day but supplied the wine (from France) and paid corkage. Evening do was in a local club which you could hire if you joined for the year and then got club price drinks. I don't think we put anything behind the bar for the evening but then we did have over 200 guests.... We did all the evening food ourselves - spent the previous day cooking chicken drumsticks and making cheese and pineapple on sticks, and then friends made sandwiches the next day. Quite retro but easy, and it all went bar a few packets of crisps! DH's friend DJ'd and DSis and her DH played in a band so did the live music. Another good friend did the photos while still an 'amateur' (but fab) photographer. Total cost £3K 20 years ago, we had the best day ever, and hopefully all our family and friends did too. There really is no need for all this stupid excessive waste of money and bridezilla behaviours.

LOL, I was about two weeks into planning when my mother and I realized that I would have at least 13 bridesmaids...any less would have cause very hurt feelings among friends and family. At that point, I said a foul word, and informed her that I was getting married on the beach, with no one but the bridal couple, her and my father, and her boss (who owned the property) and his wife, and the minister. That changed everything...All the plans were made in two weeks, including a fairly large party that evening for those we would have invited to the wedding...but that was very low-key and not over the top at all! We even kept that casual. The whole thing, wedding, reception party, everything, came in at barely over $1000. My dad was THRILLED!

@Mamanyt

LOL, I was about two weeks into planning when my mother and I realized that I would have at least 13 bridesmaids...any less would have cause very hurt feelings among friends and family. At that point, I said a foul word, and informed her that I was getting married on the beach, with no one but the bridal couple, her and my father, and her boss (who owned the property) and his wife, and the minister. That changed everything...All the plans were made in two weeks, including a fairly large party that evening for those we would have invited to the wedding...but that was very low-key and not over the top at all! We even kept that casual. The whole thing, wedding, reception party, everything, came in at barely over $1000. My dad was THRILLED!

Exactly! I read somewhere recently that the average wedding costs something stupid like £30K! I assume that's an average between the Beckhams and Windsors etc, and the rest of us - but even so! Young couples these days want to be saving for a house probably, not wasting crazy amounts on a single day.......

@dropoutdoreen

This is why i have never enjoyed being a bridesmaid

The expectations of the bride. Like they're the only person in the world. Always tainted the enjoyment of the day. Felt like a chore

I agree. It's felt like there are huge expectations that bridesmaids travel all over the U.K. to attend fittings, fly to other countries for weddings. I spent £2000 on being a bridesmaid on one occasion.

Oh gosh, me too! I was just saying to my DH, that if we had to do it all over again, I would really just like an intimate day, with only immediate family. I sing know why it was so big and overwhelming—feels like I just did what I think was expected.

*don’t

I think for a group of friends, the first wedding is very exciting, because it's the first time you've all dealt with it, and you can spend so much time talking about colors and designs and looking at wedding dresses and all that. Then with each successive wedding in your group, it is less novel and the "chore-ness" of it becomes more apparent. Eventually you've been to so many weddings that each wedding is just another wedding.

But for every bride, it's her wedding! So I think if you're not the first in your group to get married, it's really nice if you can remind yourself that the bride is just as excited about her wedding as you were about yours, and that it's nice not to spoil that for her by acting as if talking about her wedding is a huge chore.

No we didn’t bore anyone as we didn’t tell anyone until we got home - told everyone that night at a party we had …