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Original poster

To cringe when I think back to my wedding day build up

205 replies

Reflectiveshine322 · 16/04/2022 06:43

My friend is soon to be married. Dear God I am so so bored of the endless wedding day chat, its mind numbingly boring. I am feigning interest, asking questions etc. Don't get me wrong, I am interested and looking forward to the day but there's a point where the fine details don't interest me and it's just too much.

Its made me think back to my own wedding day. I got so caught up in the excitement of it, the big build up, all the little things that for some reason become hugely important. I've realised that no one else genuinely would have given a crap about the colour of the chair covers or what flowers I had (other than my DH and my mum). I cringe at the whole thing now and wish I could nip back in time, have a low key affair booked a few months in advance. I wasn't a bridezilla but it was all so OTT, I remember playing my bridesmaids our first dance song in the car and having a cry over it. I bet they were secretly pissing themselves laughing 🙈

Does anyone else cringe over their pre wedding behaviour? I'm not even sure many people like weddings. I think close family and friends weddings are generally good fun but I've been to so many where it's such a long day, you're hungry, lots of waiting around, boring speeches, so much polite small talk with people you don't even really know, terrible dancing with distant family members, spending a small fortune on the outfit/accommodation/gift.

OP posts:
babyjellyfish · 16/04/2022 07:31

@Reflectiveshine322

babyjellyfish Would it have been very expensive for your friends to attend, once travel, hotels, hen do etc are all added up?

Yeh, it really all adds up and at the time we were all struggling 20+ year olds with not much disposable income. I didn't go abroad for the hen do but still, it does get expensive.

At the same time, if you didn't have an expensive hen do abroad or make everyone stay at the wedding venue at £200 a night or anything like that, I very much doubt any of your friends are looking back and thinking your wedding was over the top. Smile
RishisPA · 16/04/2022 07:36

It’s a small time in your life and it seems to important at the time! Looking back with kids and the cost of living part of me wishes we’d had a smaller do and spent less. But I loved the planning, had the best day ever and remember is so so fondly. It was the right decision at the time! Just allow her her moment (within reason)! It’ll be over soon.

ComDummings · 16/04/2022 07:36

It’s very sweet really. My friend was like you, and she did bore us to death Grin but we found it really lovely that she was so excited. A couple of us were the opposite when we got married, we had smaller weddings and didn’t really talk about it much before the day. It was because we found the planning stressful rather than exciting so people probably thought we weren’t bothered or something because we just didn’t want to think about it Grin

It’s like new Mums as others have said. You might slightly roll your eyes but it’s actually really cute. I’m sure I was annoying when I had my pfb!

Original poster
Reflectiveshine322 · 16/04/2022 07:38

babyjellyfish At the same time, if you didn't have an expensive hen do abroad or make everyone stay at the wedding venue at £200 a night or anything like that, I very much doubt any of your friends are looking back and thinking your wedding was over the top

definitely, I doubt they even minded at the time. I've just become far more sensible with money over the years, I couldn't justify it all now. Priorities change don't they.

OP posts:
speakout · 16/04/2022 07:40

*We had very small wedding, and honestly it was a great day. I did very little of the organising - my DH did more than I did. Have the sort of wedding YOU (and your partner) want and it should be enjoyable.

The marriage didn't last in my case, but I still look back on the day with good memories.*

Yes I understand that- I have been married before and it was a case of taking the morning off work - back to work in the afternoon. Marriage didn't last either - thankfully- I am glad I wasted no money.

This time it is actually for practical reasons- OH and I have been together 26 years and approacjing retirement. We have done as much as we can with assets/pensions etc, but being married would give us extra security,
I have a lot of contempt about the whole marrriage institution generally- which has some dubious history, seeing women as chattle etc, and I dislike the church.
We may go for a civil partnership although we are a woman and a man. No frills or fuss, and we wouldn't tell anyone. Probably even after the event. Maybe mention it to the kids for legal purposes.

AProperStinging · 16/04/2022 07:42

Yes, it is embarrassing and pointless. I never did any of it, never felt the need to make a giant attention-seeking production number out of getting married.

Flittingaboutagain · 16/04/2022 07:44

Had a lovely low key registry office with witnesses then a pub lunch with some family and friends. Perfect day. Watching friends spend £20k+ of their parents' money in their 20s or a big lavish do in their 30s only to get divorced by 45 anyway put me right off Grin

Booboobagins · 16/04/2022 07:45

It's your friends wedding and you're not being very supportive are you? For her, the most important day of her life so far. Be a friend.

Ref your own wedding, you did what your friend is doing now and realise it, well done. You won't make heat mistake again, hopefully!

Life is too short for regrets, if buts and maybes. Look ahead and move forward.

IMO your being self indulgent and unreasonable.

Move forward

ImplementingTheDennisSystem · 16/04/2022 07:46

We eloped and I don't get the wedding thing at all.
I always think fair enough fussing over hundreds if unimportant details if it excites you and you find it fun. I'm really left scratching my head though when the married couple are really stressed by the whole thing! A workmate said what a difficult time he was having because he and his partner just couldn't agree on their wedding flowers. I nearly burst out laughing in his face and was there thinking "You've done this to yourself you fool!"

Libertybear80 · 16/04/2022 07:49

We got married in Samoa just the three of us. DH and baby. No build up. No angst. Had a party on our return but no I can't be doing with any of that shit!

nomistake · 16/04/2022 07:50

The first time I got engaged I went all gaga over colours/themes/arrangements etc. Dragged all my poor bridesmaids into it as well. Then my ex ditched me and the wedding was cancelled, and everyone has since told me that I dodged a bullet and they didn't like him. I cringe so much when I think about that time!

When I met my now DH and we got engaged I had learnt my lesson, was not demanding at all, let my bridesmaids choose whatever dresses they wanted (and I paid for them), didn't drag anyone else into any conversations and had it in a pub. I still had an amazing hen do but I didn't request any of it, all decisions were made by my friends which I will be forever grateful for.

ABitBesottedWithMyDog · 16/04/2022 07:51

I never thought I'd get married because I hated the idea of a wedding so much.

I still feel grateful DH agreed to a registry office with two witnesses.

Ragwort · 16/04/2022 07:52

I find it obscene how much money people will spend on one day - and yes, I know it's their day, their choice etc etc but spending a small fortune on a wedding seems madness. So many people (esp. on Mumsnet Grin) don't really seem to enjoy attending weddings so I wonder who it is all for??

We went to a wedding recently, of course it was lovely to be invited, but the expense the B & G had gone to ... and they are not a wealthy couple that could have gone a long way towards their mortgage...... (& yes, a very long day, huge amounts of standing around and making small talk .....)

AngelinaFibres · 16/04/2022 07:53

@speakout

I could never get wrapped up in all that wedding planning- sounds gruesome. OH and I have been wanting to get married for years but it's the wedding itself that puts us off.
Just go to the registry office on a Thursday afternoon. Get 2 witnesses off the street and do it. No one needs to know if you think it will cause trauma ,but you have the legal part done if anything happens to either of you. Most important piece of paper you will ever have.
CarryonCovid · 16/04/2022 08:03

Just go to the registry office on a Thursday afternoon. Get 2 witnesses off the street and do it. No one needs to know if you think it will cause trauma ,but you have the legal part done if anything happens to either of you. Most important piece of paper you will ever have

This what I wanted DH wanted more of a fuss, we compromised. DS was 18m though so may have been more "into it" if we managed to do it before children.

Furrbabymama87 · 16/04/2022 08:03

Our first wedding was cancelled due to covid so as soon as we were able we got married with ten guests and had a very small party afterwards. I think even without covid I wouldn't have gone mad with the planning though. It's easier to get excited about the planning if you've got unlimited finances and it's the main focus in your life at the time, but when you've got four kids and money is an issue it's hard to find the time and motivation to plan all the intricate details. We just wanted to be married to each other and have an enjoyable day, which we did.

CarryonCovid · 16/04/2022 08:04

BFF had married the year before and yes the stress- just not worth it IMO

OwlinaTree · 16/04/2022 08:04

I love weddings, love a bit of cheesy disco and dancing, love the excitement and seeing the bride looking amazing! We had a big wedding, 150ish. I have no regrets, but we were given money by our parents and paid for everything from that luckily! It does cost more to have a big wedding if you are feeding everyone properly and providing drinks.

I have witnessed a few friends go a bit wedding crazy! I remember my mum complaining about the bridesmaid's shoes before my wedding.

You sound lovely op, I'm sure the first dance was epic! What did you dance to?

cjpark · 16/04/2022 08:04

I think im just older and jaded now! We've been married 25 years and in the 90's there wasn't the tech and choices couples have now. I'm glad for that. It was simpler and I think the limitations hampered the 'bridezilla' in me.
Now, the couple have media, internet and are possibly older and have more cash to spend on chair sashes and fireworks. i have a spend to divorce rate theory - the more they spend, the more chance of divorce!

x2boys · 16/04/2022 08:05

I had a very small wedding and wasn't fussed over matching colours etc
But it's like having a baby it's very important to the parents and grandparents but everyone else will just show a polite interest .

saleorbouy · 16/04/2022 08:06

You're right, there qre too things I remember about a wedding, the food and the entertainment.
The flowers, decor etc add nothing to my enjoyment.

WTF475878237NC · 16/04/2022 08:07

I don't mind if people are paying for it themselves but when it's someone else's money I do cringe and think how embarrassing if they get divorced.

RedWreck · 16/04/2022 08:12

Oh I used to love buying Brides magazine & there was another called Wedding & Setting Up Home I think.
I used to check the dates the next issues were coming out & buy them on the day! I honestly planned to keep buying them after my wedding as I loved them so much but I'm glad to say I didn't (although I've still got a few in the loft) Grin
This was all back in the 90s, I was young & the wedding was SO important. I remember being genuinely shocked that 2 of my friends' partners didn't want to come to the ceremony!
Looking back it's all fond memories, I'd do everything very differently now but we have to love ourselves for who we were back then.

Cafog · 16/04/2022 08:12

I remember getting our wedding video and our friend who was a fair bit older called in for a visiting and I asked him if he wanted to watch it....he looked at me like I had had two heads and said, Cafog I was there! As if I had forgotten Confused I just presumed he wanted to waste 3 hours reliving every little detail Grin

Squeezedsquash · 16/04/2022 08:13

My friend dragged me round this wedding “crap” (stationary, decorations, etc) shop in London. She dragged me hundreds of miles several times for wedding prep and spent thousands of pounds (and hours of drama) on the dress. In contrast, I got married in a normal dress in a tiny (>10) ceremony I told very few people about.

15 years later-ish, she’s still my friend and we’re both still happily married but I’m very glad I don’t have to do that phase again.

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