To cringe when I think back to my wedding day build up

[Reflectiveshine322]

My friend is soon to be married. Dear God I am so so bored of the endless wedding day chat, its mind numbingly boring. I am feigning interest, asking questions etc. Don't get me wrong, I am interested and looking forward to the day but there's a point where the fine details don't interest me and it's just too much.

Its made me think back to my own wedding day. I got so caught up in the excitement of it, the big build up, all the little things that for some reason become hugely important. I've realised that no one else genuinely would have given a crap about the colour of the chair covers or what flowers I had (other than my DH and my mum). I cringe at the whole thing now and wish I could nip back in time, have a low key affair booked a few months in advance. I wasn't a bridezilla but it was all so OTT, I remember playing my bridesmaids our first dance song in the car and having a cry over it. I bet they were secretly pissing themselves laughing 🙈

Does anyone else cringe over their pre wedding behaviour? I'm not even sure many people like weddings. I think close family and friends weddings are generally good fun but I've been to so many where it's such a long day, you're hungry, lots of waiting around, boring speeches, so much polite small talk with people you don't even really know, terrible dancing with distant family members, spending a small fortune on the outfit/accommodation/gift.

I’m getting married in a few weeks and this has been very reassuring actually. We’re having a low key event. Not getting hair and make up done. No rings. No bridesmaids even! I had a big panic the other weekend wondering if we should have made a bigger deal of it.

Thanks for the reassurance! 😎👌

Registry office, 2 witnesses a couple of drinks at the pub after and Bob's yer uncle

And Fanny's yer aunt 🤣🤣

It would be great if people realised that most other people aren’t really interested in their wedding, other than maybe the party afterwards. Definitely not interested the small details. It’s just not that important, they’ve most likely been living with their partner for years and they expect us to be excited about the wedding day. 😬

I’m the opposite - I behaved like I was going to the gallows 😂

Not because I didn’t want to get married but because I was so sure we’d end up miserable

My parents had just got divorced and it was hard to have faith when you’ve seen such acrimony up close

We ALWAYS have been really happy and I adore my husband 😂😂

I don’t mind friends getting excited, although it is rather boring after a while. The next thing is house refurbs - lots of time and energy spent identifying the right taps and kitchen islands and the results are largely the same. It’s nice people get excited but you cannot really expect others to be terribly interested.

I loved my wedding day but looking back I'd probably been as happy with something smaller and simpler.

*have been as happy

I don’t cringe because I didn’t do any of that rubbish. From deciding to get married to getting married took 8 weeks. It takes a day to book a hotel and another few hours to decide food. One day to crank out some snail invites. I don’t get the year long nonsense. I went to a shop on my own, tried on 6 dresses and picked one. I bought the one that fit so it didn’t even need altering. Job done.
My best mate was a year long nightmare so boring. Every weekend full of wedding talk and tears and drama. It nearly broke our friendship. It got to the point where I couldn’t enjoy being a bridesmaid. She even went insane choosing what lipstick I’d wear.

Please everyone reading do not be like this

We had a fairly big wedding, or fairly big for us anyway, but I don’t think I got too wrapped up in the details. Except for maybe my mum. We had chair covers but only because they were included and we went for different shades of blue so everything didn’t have to match exactly. Still the flowers arrived on the day and they were the wrong colour and I had a little strop (a minute because we were running late to leave for the ceremony). It doesn’t matter now, I don’t think anyone but me realised but you get so caught up with it.

My PFB is only 5 months so I’m probably guilty of over-sharing but again just try to keep that to grandparents. I was out with friends though and trying to show them a photo of something I’d made and scrolling through, my friend mentioned I had a lot of baby photos. It made me feel a bit rubbish and a bit PFB-y but I figured most new parents have lots of photos of their babies. I also have lots of photos of the dogs, photos of what I’ve crocheted and several million screenshots of which bin it is, or what the bank holiday bin says are and other boring mundane things. It’s just because I’m excited like every other new parent and judging by the thousands of photos of me having a bath, I don’t think that’s a new thing either I don’t know why I should feel bad when I have loads of photos from other big life events or just getting through life. My photos from yesterday are 11 attempts at getting a photo of the dogs, 5 photos that I’ve actually managed to capture of the dogs, 6 screenshots of wool I was considering buying, a screenshot of a recipe, 2 photos of the baby (1 sent to me by DH) and 1 photo of the weather! Maybe I’ll look back and cringe but hopefully I can remember I was just excited (and trying to get through maternity leave).

OP the main thing is you were happy, excited and it was important to you. Don't put a dampener on that.

I was the opposite. Arranged everything over the phone or by email. Told the florist to do something lovely for X budget. They did! Buffet, so no seating plans. No photographer. No bridesmaids. No hen do. Pretty much nothing done by the book. The only person who got arsey about it was the wedding person at the venue who wanted me to drive over and do tastings etc. Like I had time. DH and I both worked a 60-70 hour week and the wedding venue was local to his mum but not to us. Wedding planning took up about half an hour of my time in total and the day didn't suffer for that.

We both got the day we wanted, that suited us, and neither way was right or wrong.

I think the wedding preparations are fun, I think before children I used to enjoy doing the lists with friends. Even chatting about the boring little details were quite fun. Now I'm older and have dcs I think I'd probably not enjoy that so much but can imagine if you've a lit of time free it might be nice.

I just got married in a registry office with two witnesses. I just can't understand why people spend so much money on a wedding. It absolutely baffles me.

I don't think you should be cross with yourself OP, it's very common. I work with lots of younger women (I'm am English teacher) and there's always at least two engaged women in the department. They tend to spend ages discussing fine details with each other and only really involve anyone else if we actually ask.

It makes me a bit sad tbh because my mum died six months before my wedding and I had a baby five months before. Tbh I didn't have time to care about the details and it all seemed a bit empty without Mum. I look back on it now with more sadness than happiness, but the photos are lovely, and I'm glad I'm married.

@Dashel

I was so far the other way that people were worried I didn’t actually want to get married. I love DH very much but weddings were never my thing, but he had always wanted the big white wedding and it was important to him and his family. Marriage is important not a wedding and I’m glad we married.

I was very passive and was that’s nice but for me, I would have rather had a small cheap wedding and put the savings to good use or an expensive honeymoon. I didn’t really get the small details and friends, DH and MIL were getting a lot more stressed about favours, colours, seat plans, table names etc than I did. However it all worked out ok.

I always believed that people remember if they were hungry or couldn’t get a drink then they would remember it for the wrong reasons but I can’t imagine anyone really remembers if they had a wedding favour or what flowers I had.

I was like that as well. I was horrfied by the prices of everything and people were a bit bemused that I wasn't prepared to spend time and money on van loads of fresh flowers or seat covers. I hate being the focus of attention, but I did it for other family members to have the glamourous day.

I enjoyed the day itself, but the stress of organising it all and not wanting people to think it was a shit wedding was one of the worst times in my life! I should have done something smaller.

InTheNightWeWillWish you can't over share with grandparents they'll tell you. Congratulations and crack on with PFB love!

I always think that, very unfairly, it's much easier to get away with this sort of thing if you're one of the first of your group to get married. People are quite into the novelty of hen/stag dos and the wedding itself if you're 'first wave', but most social groups hit a point where there seem to be a year of constant weddings and if you're in or after that peak people have a lot less patience for the whole thing. People often feel quite differently about it if they (the guests) have children, too - the whole thing becomes a much bigger hassle and much less welcome. Which as I said really isn't fair and I try and make sure I am outwardly as enthusiastic for the friends getting married in our late 30s as I was for the first few friends to get married, because I do notice how much less tolerance they get in general for wanting to be excited over every detail of the wedding.

When we got married we had little money & trying to save for a house. Not that it would have made much difference to the day we had ! Very simple wedding, we had 50 guests half between close family & friends. We weren’t inviting any long distance uncle who we hadn’t seen for 20 years! Simple pub buffet meal after! The pub had a Saturday night band/dj on so whoever stayed just become the pub crowd! No formal speeches or anything. All we asked if everyone could send us their photos of the day as we had no photographer. Hair was pulled up in a flowery thing & simple makeup (done by me)

But that was all both wanted, and the type of person I am - hate fuss hate any attention on me! My sister wanted to whole big day & got what she wanted (as her sister & maid of honour I was knackered on the run up to the day & the actual day! But it’s what she wanted ) I do wander now she has got older & has changed whether it was the day she would plan now.

@WTF475878237NC

I don't mind if people are paying for it themselves but when it's someone else's money I do cringe and think how embarrassing if they get divorced.

My parents gave a contribution to my siblings and I weddings, my sister divorced after a short marriage, to her credit she did offer to pay the money back but my parents declined because they already gave money for myself and our brother for our biggish wedding days. They just said dont expect money for a second marriage! (although they did put money for a bar tab for her much smaller 2nd wedding).

Oh god I had this with a friend

Let me stop you there, you're not this woman's friend.

The contempt is oozing out of you.

I didn’t get wrapped up in wedding detail but still had the whole formal wedding. I really, really wish that instead I had a registry office ceremony and then hired a room above a pub for relaxed and friendly reception. I think I’d have enjoyed that much more and saved a fortune.
( but more than that, I wish I had never married the man who turned out to be a seriously defective , nasty human being)

I was older when I married (41) and I sort of regret not doing this (my wedding was a bit rushed.)

It was a lovely day but I wish I’d been young and beautiful. Well, I’ve never been beautiful but …

@WTF475878237NC

I don't mind if people are paying for it themselves but when it's someone else's money I do cringe and think how embarrassing if they get divorced.

My parents paid for my sisters wedding not massively over the the top but still 5/6 thousand, but tbh my mum totally took over and invited all her friends, my sister did get divorced but twenty years later .

Wedding planning- eugh the very words make me feel a bit sick to be honest. Chair covers, LOVE lights, sweets in jars on tables, our special day written on everything, Nan’s ashes sat on the top table.

God weddings are just hideous.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. I was totally wedding obsessed in ways that seem silly now but it’s a really fun and special time of your life.

Also: every decision you make costs a fortune so it has to matter if you see what I mean.

Weddings have become crazy. When I married in 1987 my mum did everything as I was a junior doctor on 100+ hours a week and didn't get home until the day before the wedding.
I'm getting married in 3 weeks again and am even more laid back with "nothing really matters" the thing that is really important to me is that the service goes well. My caterer was horrified I was going to use the church hall plates that have pink flowers round the edge rather than plain white but I just said that noone would see as the had food on them!!