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Original poster

To cringe when I think back to my wedding day build up

205 replies

Reflectiveshine322 · 16/04/2022 06:43

My friend is soon to be married. Dear God I am so so bored of the endless wedding day chat, its mind numbingly boring. I am feigning interest, asking questions etc. Don't get me wrong, I am interested and looking forward to the day but there's a point where the fine details don't interest me and it's just too much.

Its made me think back to my own wedding day. I got so caught up in the excitement of it, the big build up, all the little things that for some reason become hugely important. I've realised that no one else genuinely would have given a crap about the colour of the chair covers or what flowers I had (other than my DH and my mum). I cringe at the whole thing now and wish I could nip back in time, have a low key affair booked a few months in advance. I wasn't a bridezilla but it was all so OTT, I remember playing my bridesmaids our first dance song in the car and having a cry over it. I bet they were secretly pissing themselves laughing 🙈

Does anyone else cringe over their pre wedding behaviour? I'm not even sure many people like weddings. I think close family and friends weddings are generally good fun but I've been to so many where it's such a long day, you're hungry, lots of waiting around, boring speeches, so much polite small talk with people you don't even really know, terrible dancing with distant family members, spending a small fortune on the outfit/accommodation/gift.

OP posts:
beattieedny · 16/04/2022 11:20

We had a small, low key wedding because I'd experienced Bridezillas. Let yourself a bit of slack.

Atmywitsend29 · 16/04/2022 11:27

I was never interested in getting married, and if I hadn't met dh I don't think I would have ever bothered. When it came to the planning, we started thinking about a big sit down dinner, table plans etc, and then attended his sister's wedding with the expense and the sit down dinner, and she was devastated because the food was shit.
DH and I scrapped all that, booked us and all our guests in at a pizza hut buffet and just did what the hell we liked! It was so US.
We had a photographer, and he was with me the morning of the wedding for the getting ready, and we were all sitting around eating McDonald's breakfast and drinking champagne and coffee just having a laugh. He said it was the most chill wedding he'd ever been at Grin
I look back really fondly at the prep tbh (probably because I didn't stress or worry or really talk about it much to people other than DH) I finished work 2 days before, the day before the wedding went for a Starbucks with two of my friends.
The most stressful part was having a blazing row with my then best friend who was meant to be maid of honour, less than a week before. No real loss. Still happily married to DH, very happy without her in my life! But that's a whole other story!

BurnDownTheDiscoHangTheDJ · 16/04/2022 11:27

Your wedding seems like the most important thing in the world… until it’s done! We had a very small, low key, registry office and then pub lunch with our nearest and dearest and even that seemed like a big deal. Looking back it’s laughable how stressed I was on the day. It’s like a weird spell that’s broken as soon as it’s over.

MangyInseam · 16/04/2022 11:27

I managed to avoid most of that stuff, I decided early on I wanted to be low key as possible about things, I did not worry about seat covers or anything like that! What I wanted was not much in the way of speeches, a nice meal, dancing.

Looking back though I do wish I had invited fewer people. My family was great and I wouldn't disinvite any of them, even the weird ones, but I might have not bothered with people at work. At the time it seemed like a necessity though.

SockFluffInTheBath · 16/04/2022 11:39

Not really, it was small and fast- shotgun style without the baby 😂

That said if I’d known my dad would die a year later I’d have waited so him and his manky family weren’t there.

SpinningMeSoftly · 16/04/2022 12:36

They don't typically think you're selfish and inconsiderate if attending your hen do or the wedding costs them some money (they know that it's not compulsory and they can decline if they like and that unless they're very close, their absence won't make or break your day.)

Well you'd think, @5128gap, wouldn't you?

I managed to get uninvited from a wedding for not being able to attend a 'hen drinks night' (pub crawl) because I was ill. It wasn't even the 'hen party' - that had been a weekend away that I hadn't been invited to.

I certainly cancelled the cheque.

Boood · 16/04/2022 12:42

If you weren’t actually horrible to anyone who didn’t deserve it, and didn’t cost them hundreds of pounds they couldn’t afford, I think it’s forgivable to be a bit preoccupied.

OrangeGrovesAplenty · 16/04/2022 12:46

I enjoyed my wedding and the planning, but I didn't get too obsessed or stressed over it, mainly because I had a job and was too busy with that to devote too much time to wedding planning. It seems these days, it becomes almost another full time job for many brides. I was too tired from my actual job most days to take on another one.

BoredZelda · 16/04/2022 14:45

YABU

You are allowed to be excited about your wedding. Perhaps your friends weren’t cringing, perhaps they were excited for you. Perhaps you aren’t as close with your friend who is getting married.

Thepeopleversuswork · 16/04/2022 15:07

I can’t stand this sort of wedding mania, and I can’t deal with Bridezillas. I find it frankly a bit embarrassing.

But that said I don’t think anyone would hold it against a friend for having done it.

A couple of my friends bored me stupid in the run-up to their weddings and I held my tongue. It was painful but they reverted back to normal afterwards and nothing further was said. It’s a daft thing that some women go through but then people do silly things when they are young.

Nsky · 16/04/2022 15:16

Mine relatively low key, had to be, parents having a tough time with business in ‘87, my ex and I paid a few things.
No hen do, went to the pub with my then church friends, in hall memorable to family ( just had a revamp).
Dress in sale, modest cotton lawn ‘80s dress, tried a few satin big ones tho, only my mum there.
Nice enough day

C8H10N4O2 · 16/04/2022 15:45

I was married in the late 80s and maybe times were just different but I don't remember so many weddings turning into circuses.

We had a lot of people but that was the norm - all family and friends would come. It wasn't fancy with the gazillion extras and pricey overseas hen/stag events, wedding favours were a piece of wedding cake, receptions were less likely to be in pricey hotels and I never heard of "room packages". Whilst there was a lot of preparation it just never seemed as stressful as some of the incredibly expensive and orchestrated events events which seemed to become fashionable in the last 20 years.

There was a focus on the commitment and the marriage - people might stress about if they were doing the right thing, much less about the colour and number of heart shaped balloons and chair covers.

Parker231 · 16/04/2022 16:03

We’ve been married 26 years - what I remember most is the amount of effort our guests made to be with us to celebrate.
We live in London but DH’s family are in Canada and mine in Belgium and France. We have friends living around the world.

My only request was the wedding mustn’t be in a church and there were no long speeches.

Thanks to my godfather who paid for everything, we had 200 guests from around the world at a gorgeous (but ridiculously expensive) London hotel who couldn’t have looked after us better. Years later we had DT’s 18th birthday party at the same hotel.

RosesAndHellebores · 16/04/2022 20:35

To be entirely fair no potential wedding guest should be put to more expense than overnight at an hotel if they wish and a wedding gift they can afford.

Hens and stags should imo be moderate and involve no more than the cost of a reasonable dinner. Nice brides and grooms are mindful of what their most pressed guests can afford and respect it. That is basic good manners.

Howmanydaysuntilfriday · 16/04/2022 20:38

I remember playing my bridesmaids our first dance song in the car and having a cry over it. I bet they were secretly pissing themselves laughing 🙈

😂 I'm pissing myself laughing now

worriedaboutmoney2022 · 16/04/2022 20:43

@Reflectiveshine322

worriedaboutmoney2022 ouch that's a bit harsh!
You should have seen her she looked tragic a cross between cyndi lauper and one of those dolls you stick over a toilet roll holder

It was tragic no other word for it

Infact if anyone wanted guidance how not to do a wedding just look at her photos and her video it's cringeworthy

worriedaboutmoney2022 · 16/04/2022 20:44

@Howmanydaysuntilfriday

I remember playing my bridesmaids our first dance song in the car and having a cry over it. I bet they were secretly pissing themselves laughing 🙈

😂 I'm pissing myself laughing now

What was the song 😂
SquirrelG · 16/04/2022 21:16

This time it is actually for practical reasons- OH and I have been together 26 years and approacjing retirement. We have done as much as we can with assets/pensions etc, but being married would give us extra security.
I have a lot of contempt about the whole marrriage institution generally- which has some dubious history, seeing women as chattle etc, and I dislike the church.
We may go for a civil partnership although we are a woman and a man. No frills or fuss, and we wouldn't tell anyone. Probably even after the event. Maybe mention it to the kids for legal purposes.

Yes, why not go for a civil partnership if you don't want the whole wedding thing. I wouldn't get married again, and as I don't live in the UK it's not quite the same - living together for a few years provides most of the benefits of marriage here. Not that I want to live with someone again either!! I always said I never wanted to get married, and really I should have stuck to that Smile My ex and I get on so much better now we live apart. Seriously though, if you don't like the whole wedding thing then go for the civil partnership - and there is no need to tell anyone, it's your business.

starynight21 · 16/04/2022 21:22

I feel slightly similar to you OP. I got married a few years ago and don’t get me wrong, I would not change one single aspect of my wedding as it was one of the best days of my life.

But now that I am a bridesmaid for my friend, I am starting to realise how annoying I was to everyone around me back then. I wasn’t rude or difficult to be around but perhaps everyone didn’t need to hear about all the details.

Perhaps for brides planning their special day, the best thing is to plan and organise what you want but don’t talk about it much with others and let them see for themselves all the beauty of it on the actual day.

Some people wish they had done a different wedding but the actual location, decor, theme and overall feel of the day was perfect for me.

LittleMissMe99 · 17/04/2022 17:52

I feel sad when I think of mine. I had no batchelorette party (is that what's it's called?). I spent the night before my wedding on my own. I couldn't get my dress on properly and so wore it as is. The only person who could watch my 2 year old daughter was drunk. So we ended up going home early. At the time I was just happy to get married, but looking back I feel sad

SillySallySassySausage · 17/04/2022 18:00

There's loads about my wedding that I wouldn't do if I was getting married now, but overall it went off without too much fuss, was a fab day and I know I wasn't a bridezilla at any point. Several people have told me that my wedding is one of the best they've been to, in fact.

My sister on the other hand. Complete bitch about everything. Nothing was good enough … this was when she was a bridesmaid at my wedding, not her own wedding 😂 she's not married yet and my husband always jokes about returning the favour when she gets married but I'm not actually sure I could lower myself to that level of entitlement.

Taxanimal · 17/04/2022 18:09

We purposely had a very low budget affair without many of the frills our friends were insisting on. Cheap rings, homemade dress, used our own cars, friends took pictures, then a disco and buffet in the village hall. Still married 28 years later and if I could do it again I’d forget the whole thing & run away to Vegas. Party when we got back, natch….😉😉

Dixiechickonhols · 17/04/2022 18:12

20 years ago and no regrets we had a small low cost wedding. Had reception in our garden. Planned in a couple of months. I was only in my 20s but had no desire for hen do, favours, first dance, expensive dress etc. You have to do what suits you and DH.

ExplodingElephants · 17/04/2022 18:13

I don’t actually. DH and I talked about it endlessly with one another. The only other people I talked about with were MIL as she was making the cake and she gave us money. Then my mum who also gave us money and came wedding dress shopping with me. With the mum’s it was really only if they asked. In fact, at work, I remember one person saying ‘what are you up to this weekend’ and I said ‘getting married!’. It suddenly hit me that I’d only mentioned it in passing to three people and then just said the odd thing here and there over a year.

Mepop · 17/04/2022 18:20

I’m sure your friends never minded. We had a very small civil ceremony then meal in a regular restaurant. No wedding dress or anything. No prep. But my best friend went the full hog white wedding that must have cost a fortune and I know involved a lot of effort. I never minded her talking about it at all. I do remember thinking (but not saying) when one of the other bridesmaids told her that she would be able to look back at her wedding day when she was old and think this was the best day of her entire life that I suspected that would change if she had kids. I already had kids and holding them for the first day was the best day of my life. She did have kids and agreed after.