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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed at other people’s “unpreparedness”

306 replies

FlissyPaps · 14/04/2022 19:13

I’d like to think I am quite a prepared person. I always overpack when going away, always make sure I’ve got everything I need and more, have clothes available for all seasons.

I’m going on a trip soon with a friend who’s really not prepared for anything. Some examples;

If we’re out and it starts raining, I’ll have an umbrella and they won’t. They’ll demand for me to let them under the umbrella and then complain they’re getting wet because I’m holding the umbrella too high. (I’m 5’10 and they’re 5’2)

If my phone battery becomes low I’ll whip out my portable charger and they’ll ask if they can borrow it. They’ll use up most of the battery on that so then I’m left with low battery on my phone and on my charger.

If we’re out and grab a bottle of water, I’ll put mine in my bag and they’ll say “Oh can you put mine in your bag too?” (As their bag is too small to fit a drink in, so my bag ends up twice as heavier).

I’m always getting questions like “Can I have a paracetamol? Can I have one of your plasters? Have you got a hair bobble?”

Just really small things like that. It really gets on my nerves and I just think “why can’t you just use or bring your own stuff?”

The friend in question I don’t see very often, and we do have a laugh together. I’m just too polite to say “No” or “why haven’t you come prepared?”

OP posts:
AntarcticTern · 14/04/2022 19:16

Oh goodness I think I sound like your friend! I never take an umbrella or paracetamol or a portable charger out with me. I wouldn't expect a friend to provide me with them though so I think YANBU.

OfstedOffred · 14/04/2022 19:17

I have learned to conceal my preparedness wherever possible from people like this. Umbrella is a tricky one but things like plasters, paracetamol, pens & paper, tissues, loose change, I don't admit to having.

The only thing I will share freely with disorganised people like this is san pro but not to the extent I leave myself short.

tttigress · 14/04/2022 19:18

I thought this was going to be to do with the amount of canned beans and distilled water that you have stashed!!

GooglyEyeballs · 14/04/2022 19:19

I'm like you I always carry everything, but I do like the feeling people can rely on me. My dad says I've always had a pathological need to look after people though! Grin

Freddiefox · 14/04/2022 19:19

My friend does this with her ds, forgets his water bottle, but moans at the cost of buying one. She’s sort of eyes up my dcs bottles. It’s every time we go out.

yourestandingonmyneck · 14/04/2022 19:20

Ha, I actually find overprepared people like that quite smug and irritating Grin

I have various issues in my personal life that mean I am quite often flying by the seat of my pants. I would love the chance to be as organised and well cared for as much as you obviously care for yourself, but that's a luxury I don't have. So I guess I am quite jealous!

Theunamedcat · 14/04/2022 19:21

I know what you mean my friends default has now become ask me for example toothache? Ask if I have clove oil plasters? Raid me toilet roll? You guessed it sometimes I don't mind I will admit I can hoard things (and I'm actively trying to stop) but sometimes I have to say no

SnowyPetals · 14/04/2022 19:21

This drives me up the wall. Especially the too small bag thing. I keep a fold up shopping bag in my bag and offer that instead of being lumbered with their stuff.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2022 19:22

Alright there Brown Owl.

I'm prepared but not churlish. My more floopy friends are welcome under my umbrella and to any supplies. Fucked if I'm carrying their water though. Carry it yourself, lazy!

MurmuratingStarling · 14/04/2022 19:24

YANBU at ALL. I have had this so often in my life with so many people now, that I just say NO now when someone wants something (that THEY couldn't be fucked to prepare or bring.)

Hippoevens · 14/04/2022 19:24

A lot of people seem to lack the capacity to think beyond the immediate future, sad really

LemonViolet · 14/04/2022 19:25

Not everyone has the executive function or capability to be as perfect as you, OP. I’d love to be organised enough to always have plasters and paracetamol and be able to think ahead enough to have a big enough bag with me or my portable phone charger actually with me and charged, rather than lost in a junk drawer at home etc. but I really truly struggle with all of this kind of thing, despite best efforts and intentions.

It sounds like your friend maybe isn’t as diplomatic about things as she could be, but you’re also to blame a little by being a martyr about it.

Just revel internally about how organised and superior you are Grin, and be honest when sharing doesn’t work for you.

Clarinet1 · 14/04/2022 19:26

In terms of the bottle of water, I’m surprised you don’t carry a couple of carrier bags - they come in handy for all sorts!

FlissyPaps · 14/04/2022 19:27

I have various issues in my personal life that mean I am quite often flying by the seat of my pants. I would love the chance to be as organised and well cared for as much as you obviously care for yourself, but that's a luxury I don't have. So I guess I am quite jealous!

Please don’t be jealous. I suffer from horrendous anxiety and OCD, so I am constantly obsessing and going over scenarios in my head that could happen and what I may need incase something does happen.

I wish I had the luxury of grabbing my phone and keys off the side and be able to leave the house. But the thought of forgetting something I might need later on sends my head in a spin.

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 14/04/2022 19:27

Alright there Brown Owl.

😂😂😂

OP, I think YABU for this: I’m just too polite to say “No” or “why haven’t you come prepared?"

CFs get away with it because people are too prim to say no! If she's a friend why can't you just use a jokey tone and say "you asked me this last time, why haven't you brought your own this time?" etc?

TickleMyFancies · 14/04/2022 19:28

What a meanie! Apart from carrying the water. Fuck that 😂

cansu · 14/04/2022 19:29

It is a bot of a none issue if she is a friend and you enjoy spending time with her. You just have different personalities. I couldn't get worked up about those kinds of things.

Vsirbdo · 14/04/2022 19:29

I’m like your friend but I don’t ask to use other peoples stuff as I’d feel rude

purplesequins · 14/04/2022 19:30

is the 'friend' your pre-teen dc?

stop being so accomodating.

Mumshappy · 14/04/2022 19:31

Im like you op but I like helping out if someone needs a plaster, hair bobble etc. I wouldnt carry things unless there was a specific reason.

LazyYogi · 14/04/2022 19:34

I voted YABU because really you just have to start saying "No, I'm not your mum!"

Gingernaut · 14/04/2022 19:35

Unpreparedness for a situation that's been planned in advance infuriates me.

Someone ringing up to ask for extension numbers and, after I've started reeling them off, THEN shuffle off for a pen and paper.

Someone who arrives at an appointment, without following the basic instructions on the letter - list of meds, NHS Number, proof of ID...

Fucking drives me nuts

stripeyflowers · 14/04/2022 19:36

YANBU but I'm not very prepared myself so can't really talk!

bigbluebus · 14/04/2022 19:36

I'm like you OP. Always prepared for every eventuality. The problem is that people then know that they don't need to worry because you'll always have what they need. It happens in my own household as well as in my wider friendship group. My own DH & DS are forever asking me if I've 'got a tissue ' when we're out together. My stock answer is now 'yes thanks'! Goodness knows what they do when they are out without me.
I'm so well known for being organised that friends ask me for copies of my packing lists when we are going away together as they know I'll have thought of everything.

PlinkPlankPlunk · 14/04/2022 19:36

@SnowyPetals

This drives me up the wall. Especially the too small bag thing. I keep a fold up shopping bag in my bag and offer that instead of being lumbered with their stuff.
Ha! I had not thought of this. I am always getting asked to carry three or four clanking bottles “as I have a bag”. It drives me mad as the only reason have a bag is to cater for other people’s shit anyway.

If it were me I’d take a tiny bottle in one of my capacious pockets! Along with lots of other stuff as I am a Brown Owl at heart

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