To be annoyed at other people’s “unpreparedness”

[FlissyPaps]

I’d like to think I am quite a prepared person. I always overpack when going away, always make sure I’ve got everything I need and more, have clothes available for all seasons.

I’m going on a trip soon with a friend who’s really not prepared for anything. Some examples;

If we’re out and it starts raining, I’ll have an umbrella and they won’t. They’ll demand for me to let them under the umbrella and then complain they’re getting wet because I’m holding the umbrella too high. (I’m 5’10 and they’re 5’2)

If my phone battery becomes low I’ll whip out my portable charger and they’ll ask if they can borrow it. They’ll use up most of the battery on that so then I’m left with low battery on my phone and on my charger.

If we’re out and grab a bottle of water, I’ll put mine in my bag and they’ll say “Oh can you put mine in your bag too?” (As their bag is too small to fit a drink in, so my bag ends up twice as heavier).

I’m always getting questions like “Can I have a paracetamol? Can I have one of your plasters? Have you got a hair bobble?”

Just really small things like that. It really gets on my nerves and I just think “why can’t you just use or bring your own stuff?”

The friend in question I don’t see very often, and we do have a laugh together. I’m just too polite to say “No” or “why haven’t you come prepared?”

@FlissyPaps

I’d like to think I am quite a prepared person. I always overpack when going away, always make sure I’ve got everything I need and more, have clothes available for all seasons.

I’m going on a trip soon with a friend who’s really not prepared for anything. Some examples;

If we’re out and it starts raining, I’ll have an umbrella and they won’t. They’ll demand for me to let them under the umbrella and then complain they’re getting wet because I’m holding the umbrella too high. (I’m 5’10 and they’re 5’2)

If my phone battery becomes low I’ll whip out my portable charger and they’ll ask if they can borrow it. They’ll use up most of the battery on that so then I’m left with low battery on my phone and on my charger.

If we’re out and grab a bottle of water, I’ll put mine in my bag and they’ll say “Oh can you put mine in your bag too?” (As their bag is too small to fit a drink in, so my bag ends up twice as heavier).

I’m always getting questions like “Can I have a paracetamol? Can I have one of your plasters? Have you got a hair bobble?”

Just really small things like that. It really gets on my nerves and I just think “why can’t you just use or bring your own stuff?”

The friend in question I don’t see very often, and we do have a laugh together. I’m just too polite to say “No” or “why haven’t you come prepared?”

For me, I prefer my kit, so then I don't have to return to base, as I'm already carrying the essentials, basically if the car rolled up and I was needed at the airport or at headquarters, etc then we could go straight there.

But it’s annoying when 1 particular person always asks for things and takes no responsibility for themselves and expects me to accommodate for them.

Part of being prepared in future may be to think of ways to avoid beinginconvenienced - deny having a battery charge say no to hair bobbles - plan to buy a drink not carry etc.

I had a friend always late - so met her at venus - were we could just go ahead and then we'd meet when she got there - was easier than getting stressed. She was great fun once there.

We have a Univeristy friend who can't seem to help over complicating travel plans - not putting in any lag time. I make sure DH and I stay together what very the transport - and try and get address of place we're heading to and avoid him planning our travel or booking for us. He's great fun - but this is a blind spot and he doesn't seem to learn.

I carry various otc drugs and specific medicine for my immediate family. Nail file and bobbles are in there too.
I always have a spare bag though to hand over for their shopping but I hate carrying water for people.
My bag is big enough to add a brick if needed. I rarely carry a brolly though as I have a sensible cost option available.

@Malariahilaria £2 mini rucksack you say?.... From Decathlon... I live 2 minutes away from a decathlon, are they any good? I don't need a mini rucksack, but I want one now I know about them

Wow, I'm lucky if I leave the house with my coat on! But I wouldn't ask to borrow from a friend unless it was something unpredictable like I suddenly needed a plaster and they happened to have one. If it rains and I don't have an umbrella I just get wet, I won't melt! It would never occur to me to bring those things except on a special trip e.g. hillwalking I'd bring suitable supplies of course. Day to day I take as little as I can get away woth!

I’m an organised person. I’ve saved random people in car parks with a first aid kit. When the lady asked all my friends pointed at me and said if anyone has one it’s her

I don’t mind sharing bobbles, plasters and food. But I’ll be buggered if I’m carrying their crap too.

I’ve been looking for stuff for our ‘go bag’ today. Swimming costumes, cheap sandals, sun hats/glasses and sun cream, plus looking out the microfibre towels.

Finding a mini bucket and spade in Flying Tiger set this off earlier!

Have you got a hair bobble?

I’m trying to picture the scene in which it would suddenly dawn on an adult that they really should have put their hair in a bobble before they came out!

"AIBU to get ruddy fed up of wimpy people who can't flaming well say NO to lazy/disorganised people and prefer to be enabling martyrs?"

I think you are unprepared to say NO 🤣
Practice saying no more!!!

For a weekend trip, I wouldn’t have an umbrella, a phone charger, plasters and whatever in my bag. I’m not carrying my house with me!

However, I also accept that b doing that I take a risk of getting wet/needing to duck into a cafe to wait for the rain to calm down/buy an umbrella. Same with plasters etc…
I don’t use my phone so much that it would get flat in a day. However, I do take a power bank if my (long distance) train tickets are on my phone.

Your level of preparedness would stress me tbh.

I’m wondering if your friend hasn’t got used to you always having everything (oh my foot hurts. I need a plaster so I’ll just nip to Boots always answered with ‘oh don’t Worry! Here is a plaster!) so she doesn’t even bother to propose something else tbh.

If it annoys you enough to post about it, stop offering and say NO.

Yanbu. All those and more. It irritates me too

Don't forget those disorganised friends who also:

Keep you waiting although pre-agreed time to set off but just as you arrive 'must use the loo, find their shoes, bag and coat...' (cue 20 mins wait...)

Insist on you stopping by cash machine 'only 20 mins away' as 'haven't had time all this week' to get cash out and suddenly need cash ..

Eye up your water bottle as nowhere sells drinks nearby when out when they are thirsty..

Have to stop within first hour to find something to eat as they forgot to have breakfast or lunch and are starving...

Forget to wear comfortable shoes when it is an afternoon of walking

Don't bring a towel when going to a beach they plan to walk on

Don't bring a warm enough coat or hoodie as it's 'too much' to carry

Buy a handful of things at a shop when out but don't buy a bag at the same time ((but oooh you have a bag ..)

Can't sit on the ground as they're in white trousers and don't want to get their white jumper dirty so can you let them sit on your coat on the dusty ground ... ?

@Ikeptgoing

Yanbu. All those and more. It irritates me too

Don't forget those disorganised friends who also:

Keep you waiting although pre-agreed time to set off but just as you arrive 'must use the loo, find their shoes, bag and coat...' (cue 20 mins wait...)

Insist on you stopping by cash machine 'only 20 mins away' as 'haven't had time all this week' to get cash out and suddenly need cash ..

Eye up your water bottle as nowhere sells drinks nearby when out when they are thirsty..

Have to stop within first hour to find something to eat as they forgot to have breakfast or lunch and are starving...

Forget to wear comfortable shoes when it is an afternoon of walking

Don't bring a towel when going to a beach they plan to walk on

Don't bring a warm enough coat or hoodie as it's 'too much' to carry

Buy a handful of things at a shop when out but don't buy a bag at the same time ((but oooh you have a bag ..)

Can't sit on the ground as they're in white trousers and don't want to get their white jumper dirty so can you let them sit on your coat on the dusty ground ... ?

This is very good 😁

I’m like you op always prepared but I overheard someone on a train this week who was clearly fed up with her friend keep asking for stuff and her comments made me laugh out loud ( which was a bit embarrassing as I was on my own). What she did was a huge exasperated sigh followed by” I only have 2 tissues left now so is what you need a tissue for essential for my second to last tissue? “

I’m trying to picture the scene in which it would suddenly dawn on an adult that they really should have put their hair in a bobble before they came out!

Friend in question has long hair and likes to tie it back when eating. Went out for a meal with her and she wanted to tie it back. I never wear my hair up so sadly for her I didn’t have an endless supply of bobbles available.

AIBU to get ruddy fed up of wimpy people who can't flaming well say NO to lazy/disorganised people and prefer to be enabling martyrs?

Great thread title, I look forward to reading it.

I'm sorry to say OP, I am a bit like your friend. I would never ask anyone to carry anything for me or demand anything though.

Being organised and prepared is not something that comes naturally to me and while I really try. It's not unusual for me to forget wipes, phone chargers etc.

My whole life I have tried to be both on time and prepared. Doing really well with being on time even with a little one lately but still forget things!

I don't think it's coming from a bad place with your friend. You can be honest with her.

Tends to be male friends who do this to me as they don't carry a handbag.
I also know a few older people who refuse to carry their reading glasses with them so I have to read things out for them. That's just so lazy and annoying.

"If it rains and I don't have an umbrella I just get wet, I won't melt!"

No, but you could be wet for the rest of the day. You could catch a cold or even Covid - yes, I know it's a virus but you're vulnerable to them when you're cold and wet.
Why the hell won't you carry an umbrella if rain is predicted?

I'm you in this story especially the bag scenario. I always end up carrying other people's shit, letting people borrow my make up/parfume/brush etc. I hardly even use those things. I take them just incase and everyone wants to borrow them. I thought we were a bit old for that now bit apparently not.

I'd tell her she can borrow the power bank after you've used it. If it rains, just tell her it's silly to try and share and she needs to buy her own at the nearest shop. Preferably somewhere like Boots or Superdrug so she can buy some hair bobbles and paracetamol whilst she's there.

You got me at umbrella.
I loathe sharing an umbrella I've carted about 'just in case' with someone who hasn't bothered.
If I've gone to the trouble of carrying the thing it's because I want to stay FULLY dry, not have one half of me get wet and a puddle of drips on one shoulder.
And what about when you pop in somewhere? Who gets to maul it through the door, shake off the drips, wrestle it down again? And after, they don't get to put the sopping wet thing back in THEIR bag to cart around for the rest of the day, leaking through its inadequate cover, and getting all their plasters and tissues and chargers damp, now do they?
Share my umbrella? I'd sooner bludgeon myself to death with it.

@Ahwig

I’m like you op always prepared but I overheard someone on a train this week who was clearly fed up with her friend keep asking for stuff and her comments made me laugh out loud ( which was a bit embarrassing as I was on my own). What she did was a huge exasperated sigh followed by” I only have 2 tissues left now so is what you need a tissue for essential for my second to last tissue? “

Well said that train-woman!!!

I was l set to say YANBU because on the face of it you aren’t, and all the things your friend does sound really irritating.

Instead, I didn’t vote - because I think YABU by not just using your words in all of those scenarios.

FML - she complains about the umbrella? Surely your response is just to laugh at her and say, ‘sorry, can’t do anything about my height - but you’re welcome that I’m keeping you at least somewhat dry!’

It wouldn't occur to me to care about any of this except carrying someone else's water. If you saw her constantly I could understand it but every now and then doesn't seem like a big deal. I feel more sorry for her because it sucks to be the disorganised one.

I remember someone leaving a party of mine early because she hadn't brought a cardigan. Now if I organise anything I have to treat people like children and tell them what the weather forecast is and what to bring.

@DukeofEarlGrey

It wouldn't occur to me to care about any of this except carrying someone else's water. If you saw her constantly I could understand it but every now and then doesn't seem like a big deal. I feel more sorry for her because it sucks to be the disorganised one.

The umbrella thing would really piss me off. It's so uncomfortable to share umbrellas and unless the rain is a total surprise there's no excuse for someone not to have one.