To be annoyed at other people’s “unpreparedness”

[FlissyPaps]

I’d like to think I am quite a prepared person. I always overpack when going away, always make sure I’ve got everything I need and more, have clothes available for all seasons.

I’m going on a trip soon with a friend who’s really not prepared for anything. Some examples;

If we’re out and it starts raining, I’ll have an umbrella and they won’t. They’ll demand for me to let them under the umbrella and then complain they’re getting wet because I’m holding the umbrella too high. (I’m 5’10 and they’re 5’2)

If my phone battery becomes low I’ll whip out my portable charger and they’ll ask if they can borrow it. They’ll use up most of the battery on that so then I’m left with low battery on my phone and on my charger.

If we’re out and grab a bottle of water, I’ll put mine in my bag and they’ll say “Oh can you put mine in your bag too?” (As their bag is too small to fit a drink in, so my bag ends up twice as heavier).

I’m always getting questions like “Can I have a paracetamol? Can I have one of your plasters? Have you got a hair bobble?”

Just really small things like that. It really gets on my nerves and I just think “why can’t you just use or bring your own stuff?”

The friend in question I don’t see very often, and we do have a laugh together. I’m just too polite to say “No” or “why haven’t you come prepared?”

To go out and find yourself very frequently without essential items is either incompetent adulting or being a CF. We all fuck up sometimes, in a massive hurry, too much to do, whatever. But if this is the norm for her, then it is very, very annoying. I would limit contact over something as "petty" as this because it isn't really very petty. It is going out and treating you as though you are her mum. So she has a good time like a 5yo at the funfair whilst you look after her. I once arranged to meet someone 45 mins drive from theirs and 30 mins from mine for an event. As I was getting out the door with everything I needed, they called me and said "I have just woken up, what's the address?" They were obviously very late, missed 2/3 of the event and fucked the evening up. No apology. Last time I ever arranged anything like that with that person. Can't be trusted not to behave like a selfish idiot.

I rarely take my mobile out when shopping. Why would I want a conversation in public?

What an odd question! I take my mobile out when shopping in case my dc or dh need to contact me in an emergency. If I'm out shopping with my family and we split up to go to different bits of town, it's useful to be able to text when we're done. There are also umpteen reasons you might want to look something up on your phone while you're out. Some people might have their shopping list on their phone. Also, not that a vocal conversation is the only purpose of a phone, but what's wrong with 'having a conversation in public'? If I were shopping with a friend I'd have a conversation with them in public!

It is being annoyed at the same person who constantly expects me to accommodate her as I am always prepared and they can’t be bothered to.

Fine to be annoyed by it, if you find it annoying. But the only reason she's asking you for this stuff is because she knows you don't travel light and will have that stuff.

When your friend goes somewhere without you (or with someone who doesn't travel with a ton of stuff in a massive bag) I can guarantee she just pops into Boots for plasters and paracetamol or manages perfectly fine without them - and that is also exactly what she would do in your company if she was not fully aware that you carry this stuff around with you.

Most people who carry that stuff around, in my experience, carry them as much because they like to be able to offer them to other people as they do because they might need them for themselves, so your friend is probably assuming you're fine with it.

I do not routinely carry plasters or paracetamol or a portable charger or anything like that. My bag usually contains the things I know I need, not the things I might need on the off-chance and could pop into a shop and buy. What you see as preparedness, I would see as stressful clutter getting in my way when I went to get my purse out of my bag. If I was out with a friend and had a splitting headache all of a sudden, I'd certainly say 'Don't suppose you've got any paracetamol on you, by any chance?' although I would assume the answer was more likely to be 'Sorry, no I haven't' and we'd just need to keep our eyes peeled for a pharmacy.

In short, your friend isn't thinking 'Oh, normally I'd take all these things but today I won't because I know OP will have them'. She's just going about her day in the way she always does whether you're there or not, and you are simply making these things available to her by carrying them around.

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"I rarely take my mobile out when shopping. Why would I want a conversation in public?"

I take mine so I can check public transport times - otherwise I'd have to carry paper timetables around all the time - and to scroll the net when I'm on the bus or having a cup of tea.
I don't worry too much about emergencies because if you're in a busy area, there is always someone who can lend you a phone.

"I do not routinely carry plasters or paracetamol or a portable charger or anything like that."

I think that's fair enough, but it's silly to not have an umbrella when rain is forecast. I don't worry about plasters unless I've got new shoes, but I do carry ibuprofen because I really wouldn't want to be trying to find a pharmacy when I'm in pain. If you hardly ever get that problem then it's different.