To be annoyed at other people’s “unpreparedness”

[FlissyPaps]

I’d like to think I am quite a prepared person. I always overpack when going away, always make sure I’ve got everything I need and more, have clothes available for all seasons.

I’m going on a trip soon with a friend who’s really not prepared for anything. Some examples;

If we’re out and it starts raining, I’ll have an umbrella and they won’t. They’ll demand for me to let them under the umbrella and then complain they’re getting wet because I’m holding the umbrella too high. (I’m 5’10 and they’re 5’2)

If my phone battery becomes low I’ll whip out my portable charger and they’ll ask if they can borrow it. They’ll use up most of the battery on that so then I’m left with low battery on my phone and on my charger.

If we’re out and grab a bottle of water, I’ll put mine in my bag and they’ll say “Oh can you put mine in your bag too?” (As their bag is too small to fit a drink in, so my bag ends up twice as heavier).

I’m always getting questions like “Can I have a paracetamol? Can I have one of your plasters? Have you got a hair bobble?”

Just really small things like that. It really gets on my nerves and I just think “why can’t you just use or bring your own stuff?”

The friend in question I don’t see very often, and we do have a laugh together. I’m just too polite to say “No” or “why haven’t you come prepared?”

Oh you would love to go somewhere with me, I have 3 types of plasters in my bag, ibuprofen, my other tablets and spare bag in case of DD’s travel sickness ( and much more including cable for my mobile phone). It’s just an everyday bag we are talking about.
My sister said that even as a child I refused borrowing any equipment at the nursery sandpit and insisted on bringing everything mine every day. I hate people like your friend tbh, I can understand one slip of bad planning but all the time….

I can't believe you are so disorganised you leave the house without a fully charged phone

I'm very much like you OP. I hate feeling uncomfortable or inconvenienced so I carry whatever I might need to make sure I'm not. I carry some things like paracetamol, plasters, tissues and a shopping bag all the time but I might add a waterproof, ear muffs, gloves or a torch depending on where I'm going. I've decided the inconvenience of preparing and carrying the items is less of a problem for me than being without them when they would be useful. I will share but I do feel annoyed sometimes with how little thought some people put into deciding what they may need when they leave the house.

I'd be annoyed if someone was treating me like their mummy all the time. I don't mind offering something like a plaster if I have it, but I wouldn't want to carry another able-bodied adult's bottle for them (tell her why-- too heavy!), and if she had the temerity to complain when I was sharing my umbrella, I'd be tempted to stop sharing. I'd definitely start reminding her to bring one of her own when we set out. That's 'mothering' of a sort, too, but at least it's likely to annoy her, so I'd be having some revenge for her inability to plan.

It's not so much the lack of foresight that frustrates me as it is the assumption that they don't have to bother even trying to be prepared, because they'll just lean on or sponge off of the friend who always does prepare. It's presumptuous and lazy.

@FlissyPaps

I have various issues in my personal life that mean I am quite often flying by the seat of my pants. I would love the chance to be as organised and well cared for as much as you obviously care for yourself, but that's a luxury I don't have. So I guess I am quite jealous!

Please don’t be jealous. I suffer from horrendous anxiety and OCD, so I am constantly obsessing and going over scenarios in my head that could happen and what I may need incase something does happen.

I wish I had the luxury of grabbing my phone and keys off the side and be able to leave the house. But the thought of forgetting something I might need later on sends my head in a spin.

I'm sorry to hear that, that must be difficult.

In that case I can understand why you would be irritated in what you would see as a laissez-faire attitude in others.

For me, caring responsibilities mean that my days can be quite fraught and unpredictable. In particularly bad times I have stopped preparing at all because whatever eventuality I prepare for is inevitably the wrong thing.

I don't think she's wrong not to have those things, but she is wrong (and rude) to ask for yours. I don't like lugging loads of stuff around and wouldn't have any of the stuff you mention but if you live like that you have to accept that the downside is that you might not have something you want later.

I’d also like to add that I am not a complete “meany”😂

I wouldn’t dream of saying “No you can’t” if someone needed a plaster or had a headache and wanted some painkillers and I had some readily available.

There’s been times (shocking I know) that I’ve needed to borrow a pen, or a tissue from someone.
But it’s annoying when 1 particular person always asks for things and takes no responsibility for themselves and expects me to accommodate for them.

I'm like you OP. Dd calls.it my Mary Poppins bag

Alright there Brown Owl.

😂

Maybe have a read of Sushi for Beginners by Marian Keyes.
Main character's a bit like this. It might help. At very least, it's a great story and well written.

Yanbu for being annoyed, but YABU for being “too polite” to say “no, you can’t use up my portable charger / no I won’t carry your drink.”

She ‘demands’ you share your umbrella or she asks?
I can’t imagine a scenario where if I was with a friend and it rained I wouldn’t offer to share my umbrella tbh.
I’m not a very prepared person, because adhd. But I have many other good qualities that make me a good friend. I’d like to think that means my friends still like me!

Totally agree.

Went for a walk the other day, it was 8 degrees. Mate had a sweatshirt and ankle grazes on, with loafers!? No cost?

Had to cut short the walk, surprisingly

Don't go on a trip with this friend. You aren't a good travelling match. This is a "short time period" friend, not extensive time of a trip and not for an event when her lack of preparedness can effect you.

Back out of it if you can. Be pickier about who you agree to do things with.

I often have very random stuff in my bag that I've collated from life with my 5yr old so I have a tin of soup (pea and ham), around 5 hot wheels cars, bingo from blue, tweezers, toothpaste (no brush), one sock (not sure who's it is but it's clean!), several charging wires and a small tub of vasaline, about 10 pens, 2 tampons and a small pinecone.

So in some situations I would seem incredibly prepared!!

I'm a Be Prepared type and I can understand the OP.

I get sick of being pestered at work for aspirin, concealer, nail file, stamps, safety pin, tampons ... regularly and by the same people

I don't take a tote bag when going out with DP because I'd end up carrying all his crap in my bag

Well I’m like you in that I always have an umbrella, painkillers, tissues, san pro, bottle of water, a pen, etc BUT I love it. I love being the organised person. I press these things on people who need them but don’t have them, and then bask in their gratitude and my own sense of organisation. Had you considered that approach?

Gosh, if I had a pound for every time someone asked "Have you got a hair bobble? " I reckon I could retire.
Travelling on the Waterloo and City line to Bank every morning the constant requests from those City Gents is wearing to say the least.
Why don't they buy there own I ask myself. Actually most of them are bald. Is it chat-up line or some sort of code? I just don't know.

@SnowyPetals

This drives me up the wall. Especially the too small bag thing. I keep a fold up shopping bag in my bag and offer that instead of being lumbered with their stuff.

Excellent idea! I shall adopt that one.

Here have a chuffty badge🎖

This is typical male behaviour, in my experience. When we are planning a holiday, I pack well in advance and go through every possible scenario. DH and DS, on the other hand, have this thing of 'shorts and a top'. Posh restaurant? Look like a bag of shit. Mountain or gorge walking? Freezing, because they haven't packed a jacket. Sunburn? Well, I'll have suncream and aftersun. And insect cream. Washing? Well, it's a good job I brought hangers and pegs. And insisted on buying washing liquid. And spray clothes relaxer, or mini steamer or travel iron. And, why have they no appropriate footwear, after taking the piss out of the number of pairs I am taking? Forgot your sunglasses? Oh dear. It's just laziness.

I'm prepared but also for other people purely because of this happening, someone at work needs paracetamol, I'm like a walking pharmacy. Woman in the locker room at work needs a tampon or hair bobble, come see me. Toddler gets a graze at the park, I have sudocrem and plasters. I always carry 48 hours worth of medication, a water bottle or two, snacks, charger and supplies for my kids and my partner. I don't mind helping people out but sometimes I do think how can you be so unprepared, one bloke last month didn't bring a drink or any money with him to work, we work 12 hour shifts! I gave him some change to get something and he got me a coffee the following week.

I’m envious of your skill set. I either bring everything and the kitchen sink or I’m standing looking puzzled at the clear fluid dropping from the sky.

Maybe have a read of Sushi for Beginners by Marian Keyes. Main character's a bit like this. It might help. At very least, it's a great story and well written

I will check this out, thank you!

She ‘demands’ you share your umbrella or she asks? I can’t imagine a scenario where if I was with a friend and it rained I wouldn’t offer to share my umbrella tbh

We were out walking and the heavens opened. I got my umbrella out and I assumed she had one also as we were at university in Manchester (where it’s known to rain). She literally dived under mine and of course I wouldn’t want a friend to get soaked but she started complaining that I was holding it too high and her arm was getting wet.

I’m 5’10 & she’s 5’2, it was impossible for me to lower it without my head getting wet. This friend in question never carried an umbrella. Always expected me to take one to share.

Gold star for anyone who wouldn’t be annoyed at this.

Don't go on a trip with this friend. You aren't a good travelling match. This is a "short time period" friend, not extensive time of a trip and not for an event when her lack of preparedness can effect you.

We were friends at university, but only see each other once a year now due to living at opposite ends of the country. Even though her lack of being prepared does annoy me, it’s not going to affect my time on a weekend trip.

I am always super (over maybe) prepared for everything and any scenario but it's due to a chaotic upbringing not some super sense of superiority. I have multiple mini first aid kits in every bag and my car, pak-a-macs in every bag and 4 Swiss army knives stashed about the place. I never leave the house without tissues, said first aid kit and water bottles, plus cash just in case cards or phone payment fail.

I am considered quite mad by everyone until something is needed. I would personally just put in extra ibuprofen tabs or tissues when with this person plus those £2 mini rucksacks that decathlon do to hand to her if she needs to carry something.

I’m completely messy and disorganised but I am always “prepared”. I don’t see it as a good thing though, it stems from anxiety that I might be out and about/on holiday and not have what I need. It means I always take everything including the kitchen sink out with me and it’s actually quite annoying to me let alone people I am out with!