Your daughter wants to travel across North America alone, would you worry?

[goergia]

DD is 21. She feels a bit bored and discontented with her life. She met a boyfriend at 15 and they’ve been together ever since, he moved in with us. They were about to get a rental flat together but she found out he had cheated on her. She got rid and was utterly depressed for 6 months. She’s now getting her life back together.

She never really bothered with college and certainly not uni, and she works full-time in a retail job. She has a good bit of money saved up that she meant to spend on decorating the flat, but that plan has gone. She can’t afford to rent alone unless in a house share.

She’s today declared that she’s bored with her life and wants some spontaneity and adventure. She’s been abroad with us but only ever all inclusive Spain holidays, she says she feels an itch to travel. She’s decided to road-trip across America and is handing her notice in at her job. She’s booked a one-way ticket to New York for May (it all came about very suddenly, she said she feels she just needs to go and sees no point in waiting). She tried to get friends involved but they just wanted a week in New York and then to come home, and didn’t want to commit to a long road-trip. She doesn’t know how long she’ll be there and said she wouldn’t want to put a deadline on coming home, but she’ll get a 6 month travel visa at least for the US but then there’s Canada as well.

She’s just going to stay in hotels/motels/hostels and travel around on trains and buses and see the sights, she wants to do the US then move up to Canada.

It all sounds terribly exciting but also I can’t help but be worried sick. I feel like I’m always hearing about awful things happening in the US to women. And the political situation. Especially as she wants to cover the south as well and she mentioned wanting to see the Appalachian region. Have any women here travelled in the US alone?

Also just to clarify I’m not worried about her mental health so much anymore, she’s doing very well now. I totally agree with her that she needs to get away and have some adventure. I’ve got no concerns that she’s in the kind of mental state where she’d be getting away to harm herself.

I did a US road trip with a complete stranger i'd never met before when I was 26. I lived to tell the tale. She'll be fine unless she had no street smarts or common sense.

Took many solo road trips in the US, it is no more dangerous than here. I also travelled the world for 5 years. If you are sensible you will be ok.

Worry, yes of course, that is a parent's job! But it sounds fantastic and she absolutely should do it. I'd encourage her.

I doubt they’ll even let her in. She’ll raise red flags by being unemployed and no ties.

Obvs worry a little because she's your baby, but she'll be fine.

I travelled across America on greyhound buses on my own in the early noughties without a mobile and only very occasional access to emails. No one had a clue where I was and it was glorious.

Visa issues aside, I am sure she would be fine. I know girls the same age here in Canada who will travel through Europe this summer.

Has she considered a working holiday in Canada?

Even if she gets a B-2 visa (which is unlikely), the duration of stay granted upon arrival is at the discretion of the CBP officer. He may decide that 2 months is enough to see the country and only admit her for 2 months.

With the VWP are will automatically be admitted for 90 days but must have proof of onward travel. A ticket to Canada or Mexico would suffice.

I’m curious as to what the “awful things that happen to women in the US” are. I’ve lived here for many years. The most awful thing that’s happened to me is someone hit my car in a car park and didn’t leave their contact details. It was a real headache to resolve with the insurance company.

I’d never heard of Camp America before. I’ve googled it and now I’m full of regret that I didn’t do it when I was a student!

she does sound like a bit of an ejiit, which I was. I booked a one way ticket but had 20 job interviews and a degree done. Also there is no such thing as a 6 month travel visa to the us. Unless it has recently changed. But having said that you have to just let her go and figure it out.

I did similarly but moved from Aus to the U.K. to do some travelling. Was the absolute making of me. I fell into a job I loved and was successful at, met now DH and we have a great life.

Of course worrying is natural but at 21 she's more than capable of looking after herself.

Does she have enough savings to do it by herself in case she doesn't find work? I can't imagine that trip paying for itself even getting casual work.
Of course you'll worry OP. Especially if she can't finance it.
It's not exactly a destination that's going to be easy on the pocket.
If she can finance it and get work in advance that's half the worry gone.

@goergia

Is it worth encouraging her to just do New York and the Canada?

She really really needs to do her research... Of what she wants to see, options in each place!

Pal travelled solo... Brilliant FB site for single (mostly) females
Search

'host a sister', where women offer free accom in their homes.. /or meet ups etc

@Oblomov22

This thread had made me so very sad. Most posters seem to have such negative views, and the amount of worry. It makes me cross that you are projecting this onto the young women of today.

But it's the reality of life today .

I get that she is impatient - lord knows I was at that age! - to get out and "do something with her life" but this could be so much better with just a little more planning. As many posters have noted - there are a lot of good programs that support younger adults who want to do something very similar, and these really shouldn't be discounted, especially as the cost of many things in the US is more expensive than the UK, the £ is sinking like a rock against the $, and both countries have significant inflation. Being able to work for at least room and board, meet people, and save some dollars before traveling would make everything a LOT more comfortable.

Or she could do a WHV in Canada and after that do something like Work America and then travel. Or do a taster trip now (the prior idea of flying into NYC and flying out of another Eastern city like DC or Miami even) of a few weeks would lessen the risk and maybe prompt her to look for longer term work options like the above.

My partner drove across the US in the early 2000s, with a friend, and its an experience he speaks of to this day. They hooked up with some agency in DC that needed people to drive people's cars from one point to another, so all they needed to do was pay for petrol. But they had return tickets from LA, the car booked, proof they were returning to uni, and proof of funds.

Im an American and there is no way I would ever "ride the dog". I think there is Megabus now too, though, as a better alternative. The city bus in LA going 2 miles from a Santa Monica hotel to the airport was an adventure all on its own. Amtrak is good only in specific corridors - Northeast especially, Midwest connections, the Pacific Starliner. Its pretty comfy actually (I would take it often between Milwaukee and Chicago), but longer runs between cities take days and are far more expensive than just taking a cheap flight on Southwest, Frontier, or (god help you) Spirit.

Part of growing up and part of traveling is learning to plan appropriately -- that includes border crossings, understanding relevant visas, and having a rough idea of direction of travel. You may just need to caution her to look into US entry requirements and the working regulations and let her live and learn through experience.

It sounds exactly what she needs! I did it at 21 and it sparked a life long love of travel. I'm now middle aged with a young child so pretty restricted in where I can go and I'm so glad I did the travelling when I was young as I have fabulous memories.

Oblomov22
This thread had made me so very sad. Most posters seem to have such negative views, and the amount of worry. It makes me cross that you are projecting this onto the young women of today. 

Completely agree. I travelled for years, I worked it all out for myself! Didn't need organises trips just got on a plane and went on an adventure. Yes some bad things happened but the positives far out way the negatives. Stop being so scared of bloody life you lot!

Greyhound in Australia 😇
Greyhound in America 🤯

I did this alone in my early 20s and it was fantastic!! One thing to note was at the time there was a daily surcharge for car hire if you were under 25, which meant I could only afford to do part of my intended road trip. BUT ignore the posters complaining about trains - Amtrak is brilliant, so comfy and a real adventure going between cities. I took the train coast to coast over several weeks and it was the best experience ever. Never felt unsafe, even in cities like New Orleans and LA which I’d heard horror stories about.

Some people actually like travelling alone. Some of those organised things people are suggesting would be my worst nightmare. I wish I could do it all again tbh!

But it's the reality of life today

It’s safer than it’s ever been!

Of course I'd worry, but she's an adult and I'm sure she'll have a brilliant time. I travelled round South America on my own for 6 months in my 20s (including Colombia!) and it was awesome.

I would worry but I'd still definitely encourage her to go. I went to Oz (from England) with a friend when I was 18 and she 19. I came home after 6mths as planned as my bf had been in Canada, his home country and was also returning to England. My friend stayed, extended her visa and continued travelling on her own, meeting many people on her way, including her now husband! She only returned home to apply for residency and has stayed there every since, 30yrs ago!
My friends daughter went to Oz too (21) on her own (supposed to with boyfriend but they split) but she too extended her visa and is still not home 2yrs later - she's having a fabulous time. My friends really miss her but appreciate that she's having a ball!

I did a few things like that in the 90's when I was about 19/20. Only pay phones to stay in contact back then too. I did worry my parents but they are honestly some of most enjoyable times in my life and have no regrets. I think you end up meeting people doing similar things when staying in the right kind of youth hostels etc. I travelled in both the US and Canada. I would worry too if my 21yo wanted to do it but I wouldn't make any attempt to stop her. There are always unknown dangers but the learning and experiences are worth the risk.

No way would she be allowed into the country on an ESTA and a one way ticket only. That would be a problem trying to enter any country.

My DSIS has joint British and Australian citizenship and came back to the UK for a visit on her Australian passport with a one way ticket. She was questioned for hours at immigration and was very nearly deported. She was only allowed in after they checked the British passports database and confirmed she had one. Very lucky and she won't be making that mistake again!