Your daughter wants to travel across North America alone, would you worry?

[goergia]

DD is 21. She feels a bit bored and discontented with her life. She met a boyfriend at 15 and they’ve been together ever since, he moved in with us. They were about to get a rental flat together but she found out he had cheated on her. She got rid and was utterly depressed for 6 months. She’s now getting her life back together.

She never really bothered with college and certainly not uni, and she works full-time in a retail job. She has a good bit of money saved up that she meant to spend on decorating the flat, but that plan has gone. She can’t afford to rent alone unless in a house share.

She’s today declared that she’s bored with her life and wants some spontaneity and adventure. She’s been abroad with us but only ever all inclusive Spain holidays, she says she feels an itch to travel. She’s decided to road-trip across America and is handing her notice in at her job. She’s booked a one-way ticket to New York for May (it all came about very suddenly, she said she feels she just needs to go and sees no point in waiting). She tried to get friends involved but they just wanted a week in New York and then to come home, and didn’t want to commit to a long road-trip. She doesn’t know how long she’ll be there and said she wouldn’t want to put a deadline on coming home, but she’ll get a 6 month travel visa at least for the US but then there’s Canada as well.

She’s just going to stay in hotels/motels/hostels and travel around on trains and buses and see the sights, she wants to do the US then move up to Canada.

It all sounds terribly exciting but also I can’t help but be worried sick. I feel like I’m always hearing about awful things happening in the US to women. And the political situation. Especially as she wants to cover the south as well and she mentioned wanting to see the Appalachian region. Have any women here travelled in the US alone?

Also just to clarify I’m not worried about her mental health so much anymore, she’s doing very well now. I totally agree with her that she needs to get away and have some adventure. I’ve got no concerns that she’s in the kind of mental state where she’d be getting away to harm herself.

By 21 I had travelled (sometimes alone, sometimes with others) around California, Mexico, Guatemala, Belize, Thailand and Laos. I’d spent 3 months on a Kibbutz in Israel too. Before these experiences, I was a shy and not very streetwise kid but I learned to look after myself.

Let her go. Although personally I’d be heading to more backpacker focused destinations like SE Asia though I’ve no idea what covid has done to the traveler scene. The USA could end up being quite expensive and perhaps not the best place to meet other travelers who are what make the experience (imo).

@TonyBlairsLover What’s wrong with Ibiza?

Some of these posters sound like you have quite sheltered lives in the U.K.! My local McDonald’s has security guards and there are crazy people on the bus here all the time too.

No, I wouldn't worry. On the whole the US is an pretty easy and safe place to travel. It helps that it is English speaking, rich, and culturally just not that different really.

I spent over 3 months there at the end of my first year as an undergraduate, so aged 19. I worked in an Inn first under BUNAC, then travelled by myself for over a month. I had an unlimited air travel pass and stayed in youth hostels. I had an brilliant time! One day I will do something like that again...

I also lived in California in my 20s doing a PhD (which naturally meant spending some time exploring cities etc by myself) but that is a bit different.

Just make sure she has the visa and health insurance situation sorted.

I spent time as a teenager living in North Carolina (and my parents still have a holiday home there), the Appalachian region is lovely. There are some really liberal artistic communities that live there, places like Asheville. It’s really beautiful. I have friends that have hiked the whole thing solo, it’s not my thing but they enjoyed it!

Until a few years ago in my mid twenties, I visited there by myself (admittedly I know all the neighbours and have friends around). I think she should go for it, it’s a wonderful experience.

We used train between New York and Washington recently and were highly impressed was $29 one way via wanderu.
I did find the subway in New York intimidating. There are a lot of homeless and mentally ill people and more aggressive. I’ve never experienced anything like that in London.

Spent years travelling at that age. Encourage her!

How much money is she taking?

Before these experiences, I was a shy and not very streetwise kid but I learned to look after myself

I'm always a bit bemused by comments such as this. Unless you became a Black belt 7th Dan in Karate, how would you have looked after yourself, if you were dragged in to a passing van by 2 men and driven in to the woods/desert?

Is it worth getting her to look at something like Camp America - where she can work in a structured environment for a couple of months and then maybe tack her travels on at the end. That way she might have other Camp Buddies to travel with or can benefit from insights/wisdom from older camp counsellors?

Definitely sort visa and funds. We saw someone refused entry. If they suspect she will overstay or work they’ll refuse entry.

@goergia

Sounds like a wonderful thing for her to do. And will be a life-changing, life enhancing experience. I lived in London for a year at 19-20, and lived in Paris for 6 months at 21. And I was fine. But YANBU to be worried obvs!!!

My DD went on a backpacking trip from London to Istanbul, in the mid 2010s, (in her late teens,) with 2 other young women. I was worried SICK, especially as she told me that she and these 2 other young women had slept in a bloody PARK overnight as the hostel they had hoped to get a room in was full! (The only time they did that out of the 15 days, but still!)

I went from 6pm one night to 9pm the next night one time, without hearing from her. I almost went crazy with worry. I rang and texted a few times, but her phone appeared to be switched off. Found out later that her battery had died. I regretted letting her go, but as she was over 18, (and at uni,) there was very little I could do.

Anyway, they all made it to the destination, (Istanbul, Turkey,) and spent 2 days there, and then they all flew back to Birmingham airport thankfully. They had been through 9-10 countries... Walking, hitch-hiking, taking trains, and staying in various hostels. All made it back safely.

During the time she was away, a young girl of 15 got murdered on the way to school. Stabbed to death on the bus by a crazed maniac out to kill someone that day.

A girl just going to school.......

So it just goes to show that your young daughter (or son) is at no more risk of danger overseas than they are at home really.

Good for her and thank goodness she found about her ex when she did. Definitely help her get advice about the appropriate visa to apply for and help her plan her finances...bus fares, train fares, domestic flights within the US and awareness of the purchase taxes she will have to pay...and the tipping culture. She may be well advised to buy a new phone for using there too. Once you have armed her with all the info she could possibly need you will find yourself worrying a bit less

I have travelled across America solo... it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life - I learned so much about myself. Your DD's idea to road trip across America is, in my view, a great one, however, she needs to think about a few things.

Firstly - immigration/visa situation. I can guarantee that US immigration officers will not be impressed by a one-way ticket. They ALWAYS look to see if there is a return ticket and they usually ask questions such as what you intend to do there, do you have a job to go back to... they look at how much money you have to support yourself... they're not so keen when there isn't a proper plan in place or a specific return date - and they are NOT friendly - at all. Your DD needs to make sure her visa/immigration plans are sorted and solid.

Travelling by bus/train etc. Yes - it's doable, and certainly greyhound buses were cheap when I did it. But your DD needs to realise that while it looks kinda cool in films, after about 30 mins it's kinda boring and they are NOT comfortable (unless they've improved them!). They make National Express look like luxury. I met some great people on greyhound but also met some odd characters. Also, the USA doesn't do public transport like we do. It's slow, unreliable (unless you're in a major city like NYC), infrequent and tends to go the long way round to get anywhere. That said, it's cheap and if your DD is prepared for it then it may be to her taste. Personally - and this is just me - if I was doing a USA road trip now, I'd hire a car (it's much cheaper over there) to give me more freedom and flexibility - but I'm not 21 anymore and I assume your DD either doesn't drive at all or has never driven on the other side of the road.

She should do a bit of homework on areas - state laws etc. For example, if you are on a bus/train into Utah, there are laws that are specific to there. I was travelling into Salt Lake City and the bus driver pulled over and tipped us all off on what not to do and said they didn't like him tipping off travellers because they liked to catch people.

America is a great place to travel around - like anywhere, there are amazing places and dodgy places. I don't think overthinking it is helpful - if I'd done that I'd never have gone. But equally, there is nothing wrong with doing a bit of homework and being prepared - at least having some sort of overall plan - and back-up plans.

The Appalachian trail looks amazing and if I was younger/braver/fitter I'd give it a shot.

Your daughter sounds amazing!

I understand your worries but I have daughters and I wouldn’t want to give them the message that fear and anxiety should stop you doing things.

She'll be safe as long as she avoids motels near airports. Name brand motels are her best bet (like Premier Inn). She also needs to avoid dodgy areas of big cities. No hitchhiking obv, and no accepting lifts ('rides') from strangers.

Your worries about the political situation are completely unfounded. The US has political discourse that looks crazy from abroad but it's a safe and peaceful place for travel.

She is probably too late to get the visa sorted out, and the US will require return tickets and proof of being able to support herself fully for the entire duration of her visit.

She may have to put off her plans until she gets her visa sorted out.

She needs to look online to find out what visa to apply for and to make sure she meets all the requirements. Then she needs to wait for the application to be processed.

Since she has no job of college to return to, they may well turn down her application, I'm sorry to say. She is a prime candidate for illegal immigration.

@goergia
I am an American. I would suggest that your DD look into some of the tours or Camp America that have been suggested so that she can meet some other like-minded people.
Things have changed quite a bit since the days of young adults travelling around the US was popular.
We hosted 2 young men from the Netherlands a few years ago and they were extremely disappointed in the public transportation systems in America. It is by no means up to the standards of the rest of the world.The buses routes are very inconvenient for getting to places you'd like to go. Like a PP has said most Americans have cars. There are very few cities with metros or train stations. My And the stations are usually in the most sketchy parts of the city. A lot of time and money can be wasted trying to get to where she wants to go. The Dutch boys wanted to go to the beach less than 30 minutes away and it ended up taking them over 3 hours and miles out of the way because of the several buses and trains they had to take.

I wouldn't be so concerned about her safety. Americans are very friendly and enjoy meeting people from other parts of the World. But, if she were to end up in a dangerous area of a city because she wasn't aware of the risks, she could feel unsafe...(although I've been in some pretty sketchy areas myself and have found that there are lovely people living there and actually have looked out for my safety. )

My concern would mainly be for her disappointment in trying to have a lovely fulfilled adventure but ending up having a rotten time because of poor planning. Although this would be a life lesson in itself. And she could always come home if she wanted to cut her trip short.

Do you know anyone she can visit in the US and use their home as a base?

As far as the political situation goes, that's almost a laugh. Most Americans are NOT diehard radicals who get the attention of the world media...So you can definitely strike that worry off your list.

Watch out for some of the work programs for young people though...the opportunities to work at the National Parks are fabulous and we've always enjoyed meeting the young people at the Parks..but, I wouldn't suggest working with just any old company. A friend from Romania's son signed up with one of those and ended up working at a petrol station on a motorway in the middle of nowhere. I believe he was only given one week to travel.

Our family has travelled all over the US so if you would like to DM with questions or for more information, please feel free.

Yanbu to be apprehensive but... she's 21!! Shes an adult. At that age I'd been to loads of places on my own, and off the beaten track a bit too.

There are far more dangerous places to go, she just needs to be careful - as she would be anywhere.

A one-way ticket will probably make for suspicious customs officials though. She should buy a return that allows her to rebook.

Check, I think she needs a return ticket for an esta

The class of visa she should apply for is a non immigrant/ tourist visa.

She will absolutely not be allowed to work in the US with a tourist visa. Ignore the post upthread in full caps.

She’s 21 she’ll be fine

My sister travelled alone in Australia and Africa. She has travelled in lots of other countries too.
Let her go and ask her to keep in touch regularly.

If working illegally is part of her plan, please give her a hard no to that.

Young women who know nobody in the US and who are a long way from home run the risk of becoming highly exploitable commodities.

Make sure she has the correct visa. Make sure she has comprehensive insurance - the best policy she can find. Make sure she knows your phone numbers by heart and how to access copies of passport and other docs should her phone get damaged or stolen. That’s about it.

The first time I went alone to the US I was just over 19 - this was less than a decade ago so not the 70’s or something like that. I had a great time although I was only there for a few weeks. I’m going again this summer, to a small state in the Midwest first and then New York. If she’s usually sensible, she’ll be fine.