Your daughter wants to travel across North America alone, would you worry?

[goergia]

DD is 21. She feels a bit bored and discontented with her life. She met a boyfriend at 15 and they’ve been together ever since, he moved in with us. They were about to get a rental flat together but she found out he had cheated on her. She got rid and was utterly depressed for 6 months. She’s now getting her life back together.

She never really bothered with college and certainly not uni, and she works full-time in a retail job. She has a good bit of money saved up that she meant to spend on decorating the flat, but that plan has gone. She can’t afford to rent alone unless in a house share.

She’s today declared that she’s bored with her life and wants some spontaneity and adventure. She’s been abroad with us but only ever all inclusive Spain holidays, she says she feels an itch to travel. She’s decided to road-trip across America and is handing her notice in at her job. She’s booked a one-way ticket to New York for May (it all came about very suddenly, she said she feels she just needs to go and sees no point in waiting). She tried to get friends involved but they just wanted a week in New York and then to come home, and didn’t want to commit to a long road-trip. She doesn’t know how long she’ll be there and said she wouldn’t want to put a deadline on coming home, but she’ll get a 6 month travel visa at least for the US but then there’s Canada as well.

She’s just going to stay in hotels/motels/hostels and travel around on trains and buses and see the sights, she wants to do the US then move up to Canada.

It all sounds terribly exciting but also I can’t help but be worried sick. I feel like I’m always hearing about awful things happening in the US to women. And the political situation. Especially as she wants to cover the south as well and she mentioned wanting to see the Appalachian region. Have any women here travelled in the US alone?

Also just to clarify I’m not worried about her mental health so much anymore, she’s doing very well now. I totally agree with her that she needs to get away and have some adventure. I’ve got no concerns that she’s in the kind of mental state where she’d be getting away to harm herself.

Good for her. After a relationship breakdown, one of my relations in her early 20s handed in her notice and got a job in Dubai. She's still there seven years on.

I’m not sure what you mean about the political situation in the US, or what risk that might pose to her?

I grew up in the US. I used to drive by myself from Oregon to Illinois multiple times per year for university, stopping off at hotels and for food on the way. My biggest risk was running out of petrol in more rural areas.

If she does want to travel with others, I’d absolutely recommend finding a job at a summer camp. Camps here are full of young people from abroad who then choose to go and travel afterwards.

I recently moved back to the States after 14 years in England and this is my biggest takeaway: there are a lot of people here who I strongly disagree with on just about everything. We vote for different people and I find many of their views morally unthinkable. Those same people are kind, generous and thoughtful. They would be likely to help your daughter in any way they could if she was in trouble and she would probably be met with offers of dinner, tours and lots of friendly conversations.

I recently moved back to the States after 14 years in England and this is my biggest takeaway: there are a lot of people here who I strongly disagree with on just about everything. We vote for different people and I find many of their views morally unthinkable. Those same people are kind, generous and thoughtful. They would be likely to help your daughter in any way they could if she was in trouble and she would probably be met with offers of dinner, tours and lots of friendly conversations.

This has absolutely been my experience of the USA too, on multiple visits for work and leisure.

I worked with Camp America when I was about 20, then spent the rest of my visa time travelling coast to coast. Went via Greyhound and Amtrak.
I stayed in hostels and cheap guesthouses (when the train journeys weren't overnight, which they frequently were given the size of the place!)
Was fine and I had a great time. Wouldn't say I was super-worldly or experienced, either.

@Chaoslatte

Some of these posters sound like you have quite sheltered lives in the U.K.! My local McDonald’s has security guards and there are crazy people on the bus here all the time too.

Exactly

I would worry a little too but support her.
I travelled extensively, solo in my 20s. Best years of my life.
Good for her.
To be worried sick is too much - what is causing that anxiety?
If she stays in hostels she's likely to make like minded friends quickly and can hopefully travel with other females.

@goergia

"I feel like I’m always hearing about awful things happening in the US to women. And the political situation. Especially as she wants to cover the south as well and she mentioned wanting to see the Appalachian region. Have any women here travelled in the US alone?"

To be honest, I don't much care for your attitude towards the US. What do you mean about the "political situation" and "awful things happening to women", especially in the south?

I am American and I live in the south, and yes - I've done plenty of traveling alone. It's generally a very safe country. What makes you think Canada would be so much better?

Sounds worrying because it sounds pretty poorly thought out from what you've said alone.

@Catcrisis

She's 21 and it's the USA not Columbia. You're being massively overprotective

I agree, I think she will be fine as long as she takes precautions like in most countries you visit.

@goergia

Is it worth encouraging her to just do New York and the Canada?

What do you mean is it worth it? She is an adult and she has chosen US, why would you encourage her to do something else. I can’t imagine my parents telling me where I should holiday as an adult.

You should tell her to read up on visa requirements though. Because she hasn’t got enough time to organise a six month one and in any case, I think she would be declined for it, this could be problematic in the future. She should only be planning for a three month trip at this stage, seeing as she is going in May and she also needs to get her return ticket sorted. I went to LA in January and at the immigration desk I was asked to show proof of my return flight home and I am a middle aged woman (so more likely to have ties to home).

Your asking the wrong question. US, Canada both fine. The lack of return ticket or visa is a very major issue. Seriously get her to sort that. Unless she wants to find herself deported.

It is a worry when you are the parent left behind but my eldest travelled on her own in Europe and was fine. Met other backpackers.
We have what’s app now too do contact is easy to keep in touch, so very different than when I travelled 30 years ago and called home once a week.

I would worry but only as much as I would if she were going off to uni. It is an amazing experience and one I would completely encourage. I would set up some contact plan before she leaves so you know where she is and how long she may not have cell service if visiting national parks etc so you aren't unduly worried.

I recently moved back to the States after 14 years in England and this is my biggest takeaway: there are a lot of people here who I strongly disagree with on just about everything. We vote for different people and I find many of their views morally unthinkable. Those same people are kind, generous and thoughtful. They would be likely to help your daughter in any way they could if she was in trouble and she would probably be met with offers of dinner, tours and lots of friendly conversations.

Another one who will agree with this. I spent part of my adolescence living in a very right wing part of the States. I have never met such loving, caring, giving people. They took me in and made me feel at home in a way that I hadn't for years. Although racism and homophobia were par for the course, in a funny way they were so much more accepting and unjudgmental than the liberal elite of SE England amongst whom I'd spent my earlier years. I came back to the UK for Uni and although my life has turned out very happily and I wouldn't change a thing, I sometimes wonder how it would've been if I'd just stayed in that small town forever more.

I also travelled in a (different) part of the States when I was in my early 20s on Amtrak and Greyhound. Again, I was so well looked after by everyone I met, including a man who had just been released from prison and was on his way home on the bus (he was a bit scary, but very sweet). A family I met on one train drove me to my motel at our destination despite it being the middle of the night which was a relief as it was a seriously seedy neighbourhood. I only felt scared once on that trip, and that was my own fault for booking a hostel in a really, really shitty part of SF.

If my daughter wants to do this when she's older, I will naturally worry fiercely, but will send her off with my blessing and a fair bit of envy!

I travelled in the US at the end of a RTW backpacking trip. I spent about 6 weeks on the greyhound buses. I stayed in backpacker hostels and asked advice on where to go and where to avoid - that was the key thing - local knowledge on where was ok.

I walked across America in 2020 - although I was 47! Definitely encourage her to go.

No,unfortunately I dont think it would be safe.

In 2019 myself, DM and my two children were near Jackson Hole,Wyoming.
We were eating in a restaurant when the table next to us started chatting. All very polite,three gentleman 40-50 yes old. They had finished work and were still wearing hi vis etc.

Later on at our motel at around 1am they came 'looking for us' and were knocking on all the doors shouting "Where did those British ladies go"

We were shitting ourselves. Someone must have called the police as a patrol vehicle moved them on. It was pretty terrifying. It all came from an innocent 2 minute conversation in a diner.

I've re read my post. I feel I'm being a bit unfair sharing in snippet of my time there. DM is American,I grew up near Eureka,Ca. I do love the country and I'm sure she will have an amazing time. Ignore me.

OP - I went to Australia and New Zealand on my own at 19/20 and it was well before there was internet/iPhones/SM. I'd ring my mum once a week and that was it. Now I'm a mum with an 18 year old DD, I'm wondering how my mum managed to sleep at night not really knowing where I was from one week to the next.

With a decent mobile phone she can contact you at any point for advice and should you need to, then send money at the press of a button. If it was my DD I'd have to be fully supportive as I think it would be a bit hypocritical of me to object.

Just make sure your DD does a bit of research beforehand and books an open ended return ticket and I'm sure she will get so much from her trip. I can look back and recall my trip clearly, from the people I met to the things I saw and did even 30 years on.

@PersonIrresponsible

I walked across America in 2020 - although I was 47! Definitely encourage her to go.

How did that go in the middle of a world pandemic where almost everything was shut down?

Of course you will worry but it is fantastic for her!

I took off to Australia when l was 19 for a year with very little money and had a blast, l worked, travelled, met lots of interesting people and grew up a lot. It will be the making of her and she is an adult .

I’d worry, what mother wouldn’t, but I’d let her go.
I did drive solo cross country in US at age 19. I drove Route 66 East coast to West coast, then up the California coast and came back West coast to East coast the northern route through Idaho, Montana (Yellowstone). I stayed in hotels along the way and took detours to see sights like the Grand Canyon for example. It was so liberating. I checked in by phone every night from each hotel/motel (my parents gave me a phone card, this was the nineties so no cell phones, no online updates...).
My advice is get involved. Look at a map, plan out the trip. Set up ways for her to check in with you regularly.
I flew round trip from NYC John F Kennedy Airport and set my return flight for 3 months after my arrival. I was there Jun, July and August.
It’s one of my best lifetime memories.

Outside some large cities, public transport isn’t fit for purpose. Most cities have very sketchy neighborhoods. Often, that’s where the cheap lodging is. Hotels and motels are rather expensive at $ 70+ at night in most places.
Working illegally means you have no employment rights.
Long distance buses are very sketchy indeed. Amtrak is shabby and slow compared to British trains, and food onboard is very dear. It often runs out, even on short trips.
Restaurants are expensive here. Even fast food is $ 6+ for a meal.

Parts of the South have enacted very draconian abortion laws. Child marriage at under 16 is permitted in many places, but is very rare except for odd cults. Maternity leave is very poor. In day to day life, women are respected and left alone if they keep to themselves.
Don’t discuss politics with Americans. Liberal folk are actually more intolerant of others’ views.
Your daughter needs to do much more research before leaving on a jet plane.

We strongly advise you not to purchase any tickets for travel to the United States or make irrevocable travel plans until after you have been issued a visa and your passport has been returned to you.

uk.usembassy.gov/visas/tourism-visitor/how-to-apply/

The visa process is outlined here in the US Embassy London website.

I think your DD has left it too late to apply for the US 6-month visa.

She will need a visa to enter Canada if she plans on entering from the US. They may be even more suspicious of her intentions than the USCIS agents she will encounter at her port of entry.

Can you give an approximate idea of how much she has saved? For a proposed six month stay, I would budget more than $10k. That is without buying comprehensive travelers' health insurance.

It was a huge mistake to hand in her notice and buy the one way ticket.

Correction - 'I would budget WAY more than $10k.'