Your daughter wants to travel across North America alone, would you worry?

[goergia]

DD is 21. She feels a bit bored and discontented with her life. She met a boyfriend at 15 and they’ve been together ever since, he moved in with us. They were about to get a rental flat together but she found out he had cheated on her. She got rid and was utterly depressed for 6 months. She’s now getting her life back together.

She never really bothered with college and certainly not uni, and she works full-time in a retail job. She has a good bit of money saved up that she meant to spend on decorating the flat, but that plan has gone. She can’t afford to rent alone unless in a house share.

She’s today declared that she’s bored with her life and wants some spontaneity and adventure. She’s been abroad with us but only ever all inclusive Spain holidays, she says she feels an itch to travel. She’s decided to road-trip across America and is handing her notice in at her job. She’s booked a one-way ticket to New York for May (it all came about very suddenly, she said she feels she just needs to go and sees no point in waiting). She tried to get friends involved but they just wanted a week in New York and then to come home, and didn’t want to commit to a long road-trip. She doesn’t know how long she’ll be there and said she wouldn’t want to put a deadline on coming home, but she’ll get a 6 month travel visa at least for the US but then there’s Canada as well.

She’s just going to stay in hotels/motels/hostels and travel around on trains and buses and see the sights, she wants to do the US then move up to Canada.

It all sounds terribly exciting but also I can’t help but be worried sick. I feel like I’m always hearing about awful things happening in the US to women. And the political situation. Especially as she wants to cover the south as well and she mentioned wanting to see the Appalachian region. Have any women here travelled in the US alone?

Also just to clarify I’m not worried about her mental health so much anymore, she’s doing very well now. I totally agree with her that she needs to get away and have some adventure. I’ve got no concerns that she’s in the kind of mental state where she’d be getting away to harm herself.

İn the Bay area it wasn't that expensive but in the very centre of the San Fran city there was a supermarket with these prices. İt wasn't a Wholefoods either.

I’ll tell her all of what I’ve been told in this thread (certainly won’t admit I made a MN thread about her though, I’ll just say “I read about somebody online who did this and they said…”). Thanks everybody for the advice.

I think it’s still fixable. She’s handed in her notice at her job yes but she wanted a change anyway and she has plenty in savings. And she’s only paid for a single flight, nothing else.

I’ll gently encourage her to get the return flight sorted then go and have a holiday in New York. Then if she likes it she can plan a proper USA trip when she’s back. Yes she’s an adult but it’s US laws that are going to dampen her plans as she has them now, not me.

I have my own reasons for preferring the idea of Canada, but admittedly the reasons are the cliché “more liberal, not as many guns” that you’d expect from somebody who’s been to neither country.

I think a shorter trip would be a good idea.

Maybe plan a trip to see NYC plus DC, or NYC plus Boston, so she can dip her toes in intercity travel in the US, and see what inches on a map translate to in real life miles/hours.

She will still need a return ticket or they will send her back on the next plane upon arrival.

Even most regular people struggle and rely on food banks, churches and food stamps.

A majority of the population? Really?

In 2021 SNAP (food stamps) had 41 million participants, about 12% of the population.

www.fns.usda.gov/pd/supplemental-nutrition-assistance-program-snap

The median family income in the US is thousands of dollars per year higher in the US than in the UK, but we're all on the breadline here. Thanks for clearing that up.

worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/median-income-by-country

And she will have to show proof of something to go back to.

Can she take back her notice? Having a job to go back to is really important. I would pull out all the stops to do this if I were her.

At the moment she basically has no ties to the UK - she lives at home so has no lease on a flat, no mortgage, no school or university attendance, and no job. Even for a short holiday, there is nothing she can use to prove she intends to go home. The cost of a return ticket is considered a reasonable price to pay to get into the US by many would be illegal immigrants.

Would worry me zero. I don't get the chronic MN anxiety. I went travelling for a year pre Uni.

[quote MissConductUS]Even most regular people struggle and rely on food banks, churches and food stamps.

A majority of the population? Really?

In 2021 SNAP (food stamps) had 41 million participants, about 12% of the population.

www.fns.usda.gov/pd/supplemental-nutrition-assistance-program-snap

The median family income in the US is thousands of dollars per year higher in the US than in the UK, but we're all on the breadline here. Thanks for clearing that up.

worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/median-income-by-country[/quote]
Where did I say the majority of people? I said most regular people, as in most of the every day joes on minimum wage or less. The ones who haven't been able to get three jobs to survive that regular minimum age people need. You have to earn below a certain level to earn SNAP so those who don't meet the requirements use other sources of handouts, hence why the percentage of people using it, doesn't reflect the actual poverty situation. I did not meet one single minimum wage person out there, who wasn't on food stamps.

This thread had made me so very sad. Most posters seem to have such negative views, and the amount of worry. It makes me cross that you are projecting this onto the young women of today.

I did not meet one single minimum wage person out there, who wasn't on food stamps.

How many minimum wage workers did you interview for this social science research project of yours, and how did you confirm what they told you?

To put this in perspective regarding "regular people"

The percentage of hourly paid workers earning the prevailing federal minimum wage or less declined from 1.9 percent in 2019 to 1.5 percent in 2020.

www.bls.gov/opub/reports/minimum-wage/2020/home.htm

[quote MissConductUS]I did not meet one single minimum wage person out there, who wasn't on food stamps.

How many minimum wage workers did you interview for this social science research project of yours, and how did you confirm what they told you?

To put this in perspective regarding "regular people"

The percentage of hourly paid workers earning the prevailing federal minimum wage or less declined from 1.9 percent in 2019 to 1.5 percent in 2020.

www.bls.gov/opub/reports/minimum-wage/2020/home.htm[/quote]
Well those results are skewed because a person could be on a dollar or so more than minimum wage and still be living a minimum wage lifestyle and not be within that percentage. Also 2020 was a pandemic so a good chunk of minimum wage workers lost their jobs for a lot of that year.
I was there over two years and apart from the odd wealthy person, everyone I made friends with was on minimum wage or a dollar or so above, or unable to find steady work and earning less. Definitely wasn't a social experiment. I went out there to try and promote a business and those were my experiences and every single person I was friends with, relayed to me the struggles they had and the disparities faced. If it wasn't that bad there wouldn't have been a food bank every few blocks or so, where I was, and there wouldn't be 200 long queues of people waiting for food in another city I visited. I also lived in two homeless shelters and heard a lot of stories and was taught a lot about how people end up in those situations with the cost of living over there. Most of my friends are still homeless/living in cars/sleeping on sofas/staying at home to support family etc etc. Every single person I met had lived on the streets at one point. I even met a millionaire who said that it's so tough out there that there was a point in the past, they were about to be living on the streets if they hadn't have turned their business around. İf every single person I met says it's so tough, then they're not making it up.

Apart from the visa and one way flight issues I think it's the prefect antidote for a broken heart and bruised ego.

Americans are just people, like everyone else and most are extremely willing to help a struggling stranger. When I had problems travelling in the UK when I was younger, it was very often Americans who helped out.

I did the Greyhound thing on my own in my early 20s. It had some character-building moments, some moments of sheer joy and most of it was interesting but not spectacular. Practically everyone I met was friendly. There are dodgy parts of many towns as there are in a lot of countries, but even there, most people will either leave her alone or help her out.

I don't know what the problem's supposed to be with transport. It's a big country so there aren't buses and trains absolutely everywhere, anymore than there are in the much smaller UK, but I travelled in great comfort from Savannah to New York by train just before Covid.

When the visa/flight issues are sorted out, send her off with your blessing. She will come back refreshed, more mature, more self-sufficient. And probably with a comprehensive address book.

I also lived in two homeless shelters and heard a lot of stories and was taught a lot about how people end up in those situations with the cost of living over there. Most of my friends are still homeless/living in cars/sleeping on sofas/staying at home to support family etc etc. Every single person I met had lived on the streets at one point.

So you lived in a homeless shelter and everyone you made friends with was struggling. This is not surprising (google "selection bias") nor a basis for concluding that their situation is representative of the US as a whole. See the median family income data I linked to up thread. I can find more actual evidence if you like, and you can post more anecdotes.

@Danikm151

I’d encourage her to look at campamerica. She’ll work at a summer camp and get spending money, then they get a month to travel and tour- usually with friends she’ll have made. Much safer and will get help with visas

This. I know several people who have done Camp America and all absolutely loved it. One ended up marrying an American and has now emigrated permanently, and is living an idyllic life in New Hampshire. It was the making of him.

Is she dead set on travelling alone? Pp’s post about a tour made me think that could be a good option although possibly slightly pricier. G Adventures and Intrepid specialise in this kind of travel for young people.

www.thebrokebackpacker.com/backpacking-usa-travel-guide/

An up to date guide for backpacking in the US, including visa discussion.

Going to NYC with just an ESTA doesn't mean she will be allowed to exit the airport on her merry way.

I'd be worried, every day, but it's her life and her experiences so I'd give her my blessing and any money I could to help her out. I'd hope we could come to agreement she'd be in touch every day or every second day just so I know she's okay and can raise the alarm if I don't hear from her or something is amiss.

İf every single person I met says it's so tough, then they're not making it up.

No, but who were you meeting? A wide cross section of society?

If the people you were associating with were either homeless or in transitional housing or living in hostels, etc, then no wonder you heard so many accounts of dire circumstances.

The vast, vast majority of Americans are living in some sort of stable residence, whether their own house or apartment or with relatives.

Please tell her to be very aware of her personal safety. If she wants to, she could read my book Diary of a Date Rape about how it happened to me and how I recovered. I personally would be concerned.

You cannot work in Camp America with a tourist visa or an ESTA.

You have to apply and undergo interviews and screening by Camp America and also secure a temporary work visa.

If an applicant has frankly no obvious ties making it a no brainer that she will return to the UK, she will have a hard time convincing the Department of State that she isn't going to overstay a temporary work visa.

I've reported the spam.

It’ll be a lot easier if she only goes for 90 days.

And she’ll be fine.

I did not meet one single minimum wage person out there, who wasn't on food stamps.

Thank goodness for food stamps...
Also EITC, and various other tax credits which enable workers to afford to work.

This is very like Universal Credit, surely?
I'm pretty certain there are numerous top ups offered by HM Government that enable employers to keep wages low and profits high. Also tax credits, etc.

Plus I'm sure there are food banks in the UK, and I know I've heard of a UK housing crisis.

I travelled solo across SE Asia and Australia at 20. No mobile phone. No internet access.
She’ll be ok if she’s savvy.

I’ve not read the whole thread, but would she consider something like the camp America program- I did this when i was 21 I the early 2000’s and it was great. They pay for flights, hotel for a couple of nights, orientation and then pay you a fairly nominal amount for 6 weeks work.
This gives you a chance to meet people, work with real Americans, make friends, find travel partners, get a feel for the place, and then you get 3 months on the visa before returning home. I met some really nice people and had some great adventures.