Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband wants me and DD out of the house

211 replies

chilltime18 · 11/04/2022 16:43

So, my husband and I have separated over a year ago but continued to live in the same house without speaking for a few months until he went abroad (to his home country) last summer. I didn't know why he wanted to separate. He refused to speak to me or explain anything. But, many, many months later, I found out (by coincidence and not from him) he cheated with multiple women whilst on holiday and even brought a woman back with him but stayed in a different city (he paid for her hotel, flights etc.) Ever since he's been away, he only came back to the UK twice and stayed for a week each time. We have a 4 year old DD. Initially for the first 4 months, he didn't message or call to ask about her whatsoever. But, since Feb when I told his mum, I'm divorcing him and will not leave the house until the divorce is finalised, he's been messaging and arranging to call her. (although he rarely calls at arranged times, always a few days late)
He messaged me today , telling me he is coming to the UK next week with a friend who's staying with him for a couple of days and I need to take our toddler and stay at my parents' home. He also said, he would like to see DD when his friend leaves. Am I supposed to leave and give him space for a few days? He owns the house and has been paying for the mortgage and bills for the duration of our marriage even when, now, he is away. I have been doing all the food shopping, cleaning and looking after DD all the time. When I found out he cheated, I put a home rights notice on the property to protect myself and DD.

I am not sure what to say to him. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to go and stay with my parents. I suppose his friend could always book a hotel or not come all together. He's never invited any of his friends to the UK and since we've been married none have ever come to visit him.

OP posts:
IAmNoAngel · 11/04/2022 16:45

Stay where you are. Have you seen a solicitor yet?

Whetheryouthinkyoucan · 11/04/2022 16:48

I mean, I’m not sure you can refuse access to a property he owns and pays for?

You need your solicitor’s opinion on this.

Unicornsbumhole · 11/04/2022 16:48

Whatever you do, do not leave the house.
I would be extremely suspicious of why he suddenly needs the space in the house and would be thinking it's a ploy to get me out.

Beckyboo123 · 11/04/2022 16:50

I think this friend is likely to be a female. I would say that your not leaving as this is yours and your daughters home. You need to seek legal advice.

FrownedUpon · 11/04/2022 16:50

Don’t leave the house. Speak to a solicitor.

Cratos · 11/04/2022 16:52

I wouldn't leave with a young child . He can rent a air b n b and you could perhaps offer to pay if you are feeling guilty because he pays the mortgage. Pls speak to a solicitor and get good legal advise.

HelebethH · 11/04/2022 16:52

Please Make sure he has no plans to take his daughter back to his home country. I would make sure I was present at all times during contact.

londonrach · 11/04/2022 16:54

Talk to a solicitor but if married I thought assets start at 50:50 so half the house could be yours. You need legal advice. Stay in the house until you get the advice

Lola0426 · 11/04/2022 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2bazookas · 11/04/2022 17:23

Stay put, it's your marital home.

If the "friend" is female , no wonder he wants you out of sight. You';d be a living proof of what a rat he is. When she finds his wife and his child
in the house she will probably refuse to stay there anyway.

Teaberry · 11/04/2022 17:28

Does he want you both to leave the house, then have you drop your DD off there with him when his friend leaves and you go away again?

He could be changing locks while you're away, and like a PP I'd worry he then plans on taking her abroad. It would be a clever (but awful) way to do it.

Does she have a passport?

MatildaTheCat · 11/04/2022 17:35

Perhaps your parents could come and stay with you to give you support? Don’t leave. Keep passports away from the house and obviously get legal advice.

chilltime18 · 11/04/2022 17:40

It does seem suspicious. He also just messaged now to say he apparently lost his keys and needs me to make him key cuts for his brother to collect before his arrival.

I am not sure what he is planning to do. He said he wants me and DD out of the house, and then presumably return when his friend leaves. I made it clear to him and his mum on previous occasions, I am not leaving the house, until I am legally obliged to. But, now he is asking me to leave for a few days, which he has never asked before.

OP posts:
Profanisaurasrex · 11/04/2022 17:43

Absolutely do not leave the house.
You can’t refuse him access to it but don’t leave. It is not his house, it’s a marital asset and he will try to say you have chosen to give it up.

Luckingfovely · 11/04/2022 17:44

Just say no. There are so many ways things go wrong if you do leave.

Getting her passport far away from the house is critically important. I wouldn't have any keys cut either.

Be strong. You don't have to explain, just say no. Refer him to a solicitor if he won't stop asking.

comfortablyfrumpy · 11/04/2022 17:45

I would stay put and seek legal advice.

onlyk · 11/04/2022 17:45

Don’t leave the house and don’t hand over keys.

If he was just bringing a friend then why would you and your daughter need to move out for the time he’s there.

I’d also do as advised above and give passports to your parents for safe keeping along with any other important documents (I.e. birth certificates, house deeds etc)

chilltime18 · 11/04/2022 17:46

Thank you all for your message.

DD's passport is safely stored in my parents' house.

OP posts:
zafferana · 11/04/2022 17:46

I'm willing to bet that:

  1. He's bringing another woman with him; and possibly
  2. He's planning to put the house on the market and wants to get some estate agents round to give him valuations and he wants you out of the way so you don't kick off about it.

You need legal advice. Urgently.

Fulmine · 11/04/2022 17:47

Tell him it's his daughter's home and you won't be moving out.

SistersRdoingit4themselves · 11/04/2022 17:49

Is it a joint mortgage? Do not leave the marital home. If it were me I would contact the police for immediate advice and tomorrow speak to a solicitor.
IF and it's a big IF you have to leave, TAKE your child with you. If he wants to see your little one he can do this in a cafe and take a friend relative with you. But you MUST seek professional advice

comfortablyfrumpy · 11/04/2022 17:51

I agree, it does sound suspicious, especially with the keys. Don't go anywhere until you've had legal advice.

Tasteslikeregret · 11/04/2022 17:51

Don’t get keys cut and tell him you and DD aren’t leaving.

Is he likely to get nasty at all if you don’t oblige?

IncompleteSenten · 11/04/2022 17:51

Pp are right. You need legal advice.

In the interim you need to tell him the house is a marital asset and you are going nowhere until the court makes a decision

NeverChange · 11/04/2022 17:55

Do nothing other than what legal advice tells you to do and make sure such legal advice is documented.

It is no longer his house. It is a family home and only becomes his house again if the courts determine that to be the case.

Swipe left for the next trending thread