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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband wants me and DD out of the house

211 replies

chilltime18 · 11/04/2022 16:43

So, my husband and I have separated over a year ago but continued to live in the same house without speaking for a few months until he went abroad (to his home country) last summer. I didn't know why he wanted to separate. He refused to speak to me or explain anything. But, many, many months later, I found out (by coincidence and not from him) he cheated with multiple women whilst on holiday and even brought a woman back with him but stayed in a different city (he paid for her hotel, flights etc.) Ever since he's been away, he only came back to the UK twice and stayed for a week each time. We have a 4 year old DD. Initially for the first 4 months, he didn't message or call to ask about her whatsoever. But, since Feb when I told his mum, I'm divorcing him and will not leave the house until the divorce is finalised, he's been messaging and arranging to call her. (although he rarely calls at arranged times, always a few days late)
He messaged me today , telling me he is coming to the UK next week with a friend who's staying with him for a couple of days and I need to take our toddler and stay at my parents' home. He also said, he would like to see DD when his friend leaves. Am I supposed to leave and give him space for a few days? He owns the house and has been paying for the mortgage and bills for the duration of our marriage even when, now, he is away. I have been doing all the food shopping, cleaning and looking after DD all the time. When I found out he cheated, I put a home rights notice on the property to protect myself and DD.

I am not sure what to say to him. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to go and stay with my parents. I suppose his friend could always book a hotel or not come all together. He's never invited any of his friends to the UK and since we've been married none have ever come to visit him.

OP posts:
chilltime18 · 12/04/2022 13:05

I spoke with a solicitor. She assured me, the house is mine as much as it's his. I have every right to remain and should absolutely not leave.

In regards to having a friend or a relative over. It's not looking possible. However, I'm thinking of facetiming my mum when he comes.

OP posts:
ExMachinaDeus · 12/04/2022 13:10

DO NOT leave the house.

Sprucewillis · 12/04/2022 13:39

@Marvellousmadness

Imagine this thread when it was the other way around... Sexism is strong in this thread Confused
This thread is circumstantial. Everyone is giving advice to the OP about her situation Confused
Pixiedust1234 · 12/04/2022 14:40

Good luck OP. If you are a little worried about him kicking off, is there a neighbour you could mention this to? It doesn't have to be a good neighbour (borrow a cup of sugar type), just someone who will know you and keep an eye out for you and any removal vans?

SVRT19674 · 12/04/2022 14:41

I think what he is looking for is to sell the house, that´s why he wants you out. He probably thinks you haven´t realised that you have rights as his wife and that your dd has rights.
Re the passport I can assure you he can´t get a Spanish passport behind your back for love nor money. Both parents have to be present when the id card and passport are requested and sign that they give permission, my husband and I had to when we requested our daughter's documents. We also witnessed how some mothers and fathers who came with their kids were turned away until the other parent was present. So no worries on that front.
And about the Spanish authorities not knowing about his job in England...if Britain was still in the EU i am sure they know. They knew about my dad´s NI contributions in England dating back to the 60s when he died in 1990...

JustLyra · 12/04/2022 14:43

@Marvellousmadness

Imagine this thread when it was the other way around... Sexism is strong in this thread Confused
If a mother had fucked off abroad and abandoned their child then the comments would be much stronger.
AcrossthePond55 · 12/04/2022 15:32

@chilltime18

I spoke with a solicitor. She assured me, the house is mine as much as it's his. I have every right to remain and should absolutely not leave.

In regards to having a friend or a relative over. It's not looking possible. However, I'm thinking of facetiming my mum when he comes.

I'm glad you've spoken to a solicitor. It's always reassuring to get legal advice from a professional.

I do agree with a poster up thread who suggested putting a lock on your bedroom door. I'd do that and move any valuable items/important papers to the bedroom and hide them. Even better, get them out of the house altogether. Can you take passports, birth & marriage certs, house-related docs, financial docs, etc to your mum's or a friend's? Same for any valuable items like jewelry or such. A friend's STBX tried to pocket her mother's (large diamond) engagement ring but she caught him at it.

WonderfulYou · 12/04/2022 15:34

Did the solicitor say anything about his friend?

He has just as much right to be there as you do and I assume that means he’s free to have his friends stay.

I would be concerned that he’s planning on bringing his new gf to stay.
What are your plans then?
Are you going to stay put?

Fernshire · 12/04/2022 20:42

@Marvellousmadness

Imagine this thread when it was the other way around... Sexism is strong in this thread Confused
You sound stupid.
Fernshire · 12/04/2022 20:45

@Notinthemoodforthis

I’m in utter shock at reading all these comments. It’s HIS house, pays for everything without using it and everyone is trying to teach this woman how to take what’s not hers. He won’t take your child, OP. I think he proved loud and clear he’s not interested in you or her or anything to do with this marriage. Imagine for a moment she’s a man before giving her advice. Jesus, just move out and start providing for yourself already. You’re like one of those irritating tenants who won’t pay any rent, but won’t leave the property until the courts and bailiffs throw her out.
It never ceases to amaze me just how stupid some people posting on MN are. So much internalised misogyny.
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