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Original poster

Husband wants me and DD out of the house

211 replies

chilltime18 · 11/04/2022 16:43

So, my husband and I have separated over a year ago but continued to live in the same house without speaking for a few months until he went abroad (to his home country) last summer. I didn't know why he wanted to separate. He refused to speak to me or explain anything. But, many, many months later, I found out (by coincidence and not from him) he cheated with multiple women whilst on holiday and even brought a woman back with him but stayed in a different city (he paid for her hotel, flights etc.) Ever since he's been away, he only came back to the UK twice and stayed for a week each time. We have a 4 year old DD. Initially for the first 4 months, he didn't message or call to ask about her whatsoever. But, since Feb when I told his mum, I'm divorcing him and will not leave the house until the divorce is finalised, he's been messaging and arranging to call her. (although he rarely calls at arranged times, always a few days late)
He messaged me today , telling me he is coming to the UK next week with a friend who's staying with him for a couple of days and I need to take our toddler and stay at my parents' home. He also said, he would like to see DD when his friend leaves. Am I supposed to leave and give him space for a few days? He owns the house and has been paying for the mortgage and bills for the duration of our marriage even when, now, he is away. I have been doing all the food shopping, cleaning and looking after DD all the time. When I found out he cheated, I put a home rights notice on the property to protect myself and DD.

I am not sure what to say to him. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to go and stay with my parents. I suppose his friend could always book a hotel or not come all together. He's never invited any of his friends to the UK and since we've been married none have ever come to visit him.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 11/04/2022 21:22

I put a home rights notice on the property to protect myself and DD

What protection does this give?

RainbowConnection1 · 11/04/2022 21:25

If he is likely to turn up at the house and be abusive I would call 111 and warn them in advance and ask for their advice. That way if you have to call the Police due to his behaviour they will have your report ahead of time.

SD1978 · 11/04/2022 21:27

He is entitled to enter the property, same as you are. Is there a reason you've not seen a lawyer yet? It's obvious the marriage is over,mts time to start finding out where you stand and ensuring that your daughter is,protected. Does she have a passport? Could he apply for one without you knowing from his country of origin? If you leave the house, it doesn't sounds like you'll get back in it- is the friend he's bringing over his next wife?

YetAnotherNam · 11/04/2022 21:39

I’m Spanish and can assure you he cannot request a Spanish passport without you knowing.

You would need to be present at every step (and there are many) that is required to obtain a Spanish passport.

THisbackwithavengeance · 11/04/2022 21:44

Why are posters suggesting the OP call 111?

Cheating on your spouse although an actual hanging offence on MN is not a crime in RL. He wants the OP out of his property, again not an offence (If the sexes were reversed, the OP would be called a cocklodger). He is From Abroad which again on MN means he is definitely going to snatch the child but there is no actual evidence that he intends such a crime.

By all means stay in the property, refuse to move out, get a solicitor, take him to the cleaners and back... whatever but you can't ring the police and accuse him of a crime he hasn't actually committed.

What are 111 supposed to do?

CrowAndABut · 11/04/2022 21:45

It will be a women.

Can your DC stay away and you and a male friend/family stay in the house ?

Stay safe

Cakeandcoffee93 · 11/04/2022 21:47

This is awful. Stay where you are. He is so selfish. Do not leave the house

RustyShackleford3 · 11/04/2022 22:15

Do not leave your house. Speak to a solicitor.

In regards to him seeing Dd, I would let him see her but I would not leave her alone with him.

AcrossthePond55 · 11/04/2022 22:25

I wouldn't leave the house as long as I was sure I was physically safe. You leave, he may change the locks and you won't be able to get back in. He may also say you 'left voluntarily'. I also wouldn't get keys cut and give them to his brother. If you truly believe that your H doesn't have a key, get one cut by all means but keep it until he asks for it. Don't give him yours to go get one cut.

As far as his 'request' I'd just reply "DD and I will not be going to stay with my parents" and nothing more.

See a solicitor ASAP. And do start making plans for yourself and your DD. He could go to court to force a sale of the house legally. You need to be educated about and prepared for this by a solicitor.

Winterautumn · 11/04/2022 22:30

He’s met another women and wants a new life with her, so could be planning a number of things. I would not respond at all to his request/ messages/ calls instead get a lawyer to contact him and every communication through your lawyer. Do not let him have access to your daughter or your home.

TheBigDilemma · 11/04/2022 22:41

Do not leave the house and do not make extra copies, I would be feeling like changing the locks just in case he has the same idea (but don’t, you cannot lock him out of his own property legally unless you have an order to prevent him from coming into it)

Booboobagins · 11/04/2022 22:49

Def do not go anywhere. Speak to a solicitor. That is your home. If he's visiting he needs to find somewhere to stay.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 11/04/2022 22:55
  1. Get legal advice. Now.
  2. Consider losing your keys and getting the locks changed (I would be suspicious he thinks you have already done that and that is why he is asking for keys in advance).
  3. Arrange for a a friend or two to be staying with you for the duration of his visit.
  4. Consider the possibility of a positive Covid test to keep him out of house (risky).

Good luck.

Cherrysoup · 11/04/2022 23:07

I’m pretty sure you have rights to stay in the house if married. He can kick you out otherwise but I see you have registered an interest, so please get legal advice to establish what you’re entitled to.

Gilead · 11/04/2022 23:17

He’s going to change the locks.

saraclara · 11/04/2022 23:30

If you know what day he's likely to turn up, can you arrange for your DD to be staying with your mum? Things are not going to be pretty, and it's best that she doesn't witness that.

Your DD at your mum's and a male relative with you is the ideal.

SnowRoses · 11/04/2022 23:33

Its his house
He pays the mortgage
He pays the bills

Youve been living rent and bill free for over a year ?

And people actually think you have more rights than him Confused

Mamanyt · 11/04/2022 23:54

Call a solicitor IMMEDIATELY and ask about this. Once he gets you out of the home, you may never get back in. Find out your legal rights, and act accordingly. You'll do better in the divorce if you are seen to have acted reasonably and according to the law.

jeaux90 · 12/04/2022 00:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Fulmine · 12/04/2022 00:16

Surely if they get divorced they’ll split the house and will have to move out anyway

Not necessarily. Whilst his child is dependent the priority will be a roof over her head, therefore any potential sale may well be delayed till she is at least 18.

Notinthemoodforthis · 12/04/2022 00:42

I’m in utter shock at reading all these comments. It’s HIS house, pays for everything without using it and everyone is trying to teach this woman how to take what’s not hers. He won’t take your child, OP. I think he proved loud and clear he’s not interested in you or her or anything to do with this marriage. Imagine for a moment she’s a man before giving her advice. Jesus, just move out and start providing for yourself already. You’re like one of those irritating tenants who won’t pay any rent, but won’t leave the property until the courts and bailiffs throw her out.

jeaux90 · 12/04/2022 00:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jeaux90 · 12/04/2022 00:48

Sorry! Quoted the wrong post. Have asked MNHQ to delete

GiantHaystacks2021 · 12/04/2022 00:52

Have you not spoken to a solicitor? That needs to happen asap.

Vanderlayinfustries · 12/04/2022 01:21

@Notinthemoodforthis

I’m in utter shock at reading all these comments. It’s HIS house, pays for everything without using it and everyone is trying to teach this woman how to take what’s not hers. He won’t take your child, OP. I think he proved loud and clear he’s not interested in you or her or anything to do with this marriage. Imagine for a moment she’s a man before giving her advice. Jesus, just move out and start providing for yourself already. You’re like one of those irritating tenants who won’t pay any rent, but won’t leave the property until the courts and bailiffs throw her out.
It’s not that simple. Op’s ability to “provide for herself” was greatly hindered by first having a young child and then the husband leaving her unannounced. The child is his too. Yet he left the country! It doesn’t sound like he’s providing any other way. Childcare costs can outpace earnings for many mums especially after a few years out to raise child. It’s not as easy for everyone as it must be for you. Try a little empathy.
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