To just give up on people who need 3 months notice to meet up

[blablablau]

It's really frustrating me how inflexible people are, or maybe I'm the inflexible one ?

A friend reached out last week, asking to see each other on jubilee weekend.. I hate to make plans that far in advance. It really, really bothers me. I will not usually make plans that far in advance - unless it's:

1. A wedding
2. Hen do
3. A very special big birthday for someone important
4. A christening
5. A holiday
6. A weekend away ( perhaps )

If it's just going for a pint or going around someone's house for dinner, I usually like to arrange it - maximum a month before.

Aibu to think that trying to lock someone down 3-4 months before just a cup of tea or a pint, is absolutely ridiculous ? I know a few people like this and just can't help but get frustrated when they suggest this kind of stuff. My family is very spontaneous and it could well be that on jubilee weekend, I might want to catch a flight to visit my parents ( who live abroad ) for example. I usually don't decide that kind of stuff until 2 weeks before, sometimes even less time. Same for when my family come and visit me. Yet I may have an obligatory pint in my diary that someone booked me for 3 months before. I just find it really absolutely ridiculous.

I'm finding more and more people behave like this and I end it losing interest and not bothering much anymore.

Is everyone like this and I am the inflexible one ?

When do you think the jubilee weekend is? It's like 6 weeks away and is a bank holiday weekend so people get an extra day...

Totally agree.

When I was asked about it, it was over 8 weeks away..

TBF I'd have replied and said yes sounds fab, we should try get together before then though too, not really sure on the big deal - friend likes to arrange things, you don't - maybe they'll give up on you because you're saying no to getting together on a bank holiday weekend?

Hmmm I literally haven’t a free weekend between now and July 1st! Various holidays, trips home, friends big birthday party, tickets for some shows, a music festival !!

If I didn’t book in with friends in advance then I’d never see them 😂

I always make loose enough plans though where we put dates in the diary and if it still suits closet the time then great!

Tbh I find it more weird that you won’t commit to plans more than a month ahead!

Yabu as you are just as inflexible….

When people have busy lives then planning the head is often the only way to make sure you get to see friends

Jubilee weekend is a big deal though and with the extra BH it’s one I’d expect people to have already made plans (I have - and they were made in February).

Total non problem. Sorry OP. They need 3 months or whatever to meet and you only allow a month to plan. Split the difference and meet your friends if they are important. Don't if planning so far ahead makes you this upset.

@Sirzy

When people have busy lives then planning the head is often the only way to make sure you get to see friends

I have a busy life as well. I just don't like to lock myself in with too many plans. I prefer to go with the flow.

I'm with you op. I have a busy life and can't commit for a pub trip in three months time. I never know what my health will be like physically or mentally or the needs of my family. What's wrong with arranging something when you're in the mood to do it?

@disconnecteddrifter

I'm with you op. I have a busy life and can't commit for a pub trip in three months time. I never know what my health will be like physically or mentally or the needs of my family. What's wrong with arranging something when you're in the mood to do it?

I'm with you there exactly.

I think we are probably in the minority.

Also, jubilee weekend. Is it such a big deal ? I might just want to stay at home and chill that weekend. I don't have to do something just because it's a bank holiday.

Pointless planning so far in advance. Things crop up and ime plans made too far in advance get cancelled far more because usually a better offer comes up.

I also don't like letting people down. So I would rather plan closer to the date I think.

I work full time , have two kids who often have weekend plans they needs ferrying to and also an elderly mum who needs support. I am time poor and have very little time to meet up - I am really pleased my friends don’t have the same attitude as you and do make plans in the future with me. I think you are being inflexible but if it doesn’t work for you just say no

@disconnecteddrifter for our family/friends (DH and I work FT, 2 kids and no family childcare) plans need to be in advance as we need to ensure that the other is available to have the kids, that the other of us doesn't already have plans or we aren't busy as a family, Friends who work hospital shifts and so difficult to find a time we are all free.

Everyone is busy, so if someone text me today to say 'I'm off the bank holiday, are you free should we get together?' and I had no plans then yes I'd arrange that to be my plan. I really don't see the issue.

OP you says that this is becoming increasingly the case, so surely you see from that, that people are trying with you. If you keep saying no you'll stop being asked.

You are being the inflexible one. They are trying to make plans and you are trying to prevent it because you don't like the lead time. If you think you might be busy and don't want to book that weekend then just say it doesn't work for you.

Basically, you don't want to make plans ahead of time in case you get a better offer, which is just a bit rude tbh. Your desire to wait and see if something better comes along doesn't trump someone else's desire to plan their time and make sure they see all of their friends.

@Thatswhyimacat

You are being the inflexible one. They are trying to make plans and you are trying to prevent it because you don't like the lead time. If you think you might be busy and don't want to book that weekend then just say it doesn't work for you.

Basically, you don't want to make plans ahead of time in case you get a better offer, which is just a bit rude tbh. Your desire to wait and see if something better comes along doesn't trump someone else's desire to plan their time and make sure they see all of their friends.

Meh, not really. I just don't like living my life in such a regimented way and agreeing how I'm going to feel about something so minor, three months prior or whatever it may be.

YABU. And I suspect you’re also the type to cancel existing plans if a better option comes up. If you want to keep the big weekend free just say that to your friend and arrange something for the week after. But if you aren’t prepared to plan things, you’re going to lose touch with busy people by default.

By not really, I meant, I'm not really waiting for a better offer, by the way. I accept that my way of thinking can be regarded as inflexible.

blablablau

Sirzy
When people have busy lives then planning the head is often the only way to make sure you get to see friends

I have a busy life as well. I just don't like to lock myself in with too many plans. I prefer to go with the flow.“

Friendships are a two-way street.
Maybe your friends find it irritating that you’re reluctant to commit?

I like to please myself, too, so just don’t have many friends

Well if you like to go with the flow, then people who have limited availability will not be available when you want to see them. Im very aware with covid hitting both houses and work stresses and holidays, I havent seen one of my very good friends since November. I really need to book in a time to see her but everytime weve all been well and I've messaged on say a Tuesday "are you free this weekend?" Shes not been, or when she's messaged me I've been booked up.

Just be honest with your friends "I really don't like making plans far in advance, but I know that runs the risk of you not being free at the last minute. So please don't feel bad if its a long time between seeing each other, id rather be flexible and not see friends often then scheduled in. Im the friend you can call if other plans fall through at the last minute and I won't be offended."

@Boood

YABU. And I suspect you’re also the type to cancel existing plans if a better option comes up. If you want to keep the big weekend free just say that to your friend and arrange something for the week after. But if you aren’t prepared to plan things, you’re going to lose touch with busy people by default.

No I don't cancel. Which is why I don't like to plan too far in advance.

FYI I don't tend to turn people down when they want to plan in advance. I just don't like doing it. I tend to agree and go along with it, usually.

None of your excuses make any sense at all. I just can't comprehend the problem. This is a zero issue. Only huge because you are making it so.