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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you do this?

338 replies

Changename111 · 10/04/2022 10:17

Supposed to be having lunch with a few friends from work. One has just messaged me and said she has lost her bank card so if she transfers money can I withdraw it as cash.
I'm really not happy she's put me on this situation.

OP posts:

Brefugee · 10/04/2022 15:54

I wonder whether this OPs read the responses and think
“Shit, I really am not a particularly pleasant person”
Or whether they just shrug and think “they’re wrong, i am actually lovely”

mumda · 10/04/2022 16:01

@funinthesun19

Also, I can't imagine anyone in this day and age not having a credit card to use in emergencies.

You think everyone has a credit card ready and available to whip out for emergencies?
Not everyone can even get one even if they wanted one.

Indeed. Which is my point about asking how long it takes for cash to be withdraw-able from an account after a transfer.

If you're skint and don't have spare money sat in your account whilst the transfer clears (and it may well be instant, I don't know!) then this is not something you can offer.

2bazookas · 10/04/2022 16:09

@Changename111

Supposed to be having lunch with a few friends from work. One has just messaged me and said she has lost her bank card so if she transfers money can I withdraw it as cash. I'm really not happy she's put me on this situation.

Is she the daughter/wife of a senior politician in Nigeria, by any chance? Or has she just had a tragic accident while on holiday abroad...

funinthesun19 · 10/04/2022 16:14

If you're skint and don't have spare money sat in your account whilst the transfer clears (and it may well be instant, I don't know!) then this is not something you can offer.

We have no idea if the OP’s friend/work colleague is skint. She has enough for the meal and bank transfers are usually instant.

2bazookas · 10/04/2022 16:15

@Lobaloo

I'd do it. What's the big deal?

Start with basic banking security?

" NEVER give your bank account details in response to a text or email message purporting to come from someone whose name you recognise".

No wonder fraudsters get away with draining accounts so easily

OliveTree75 · 10/04/2022 16:16

@Oliack1417

If anything, she's putting her trust in you. That you will withdraw her money after she sends it to you in good faith!

This. I really don’t see what the problem is.

Piper22 · 10/04/2022 16:16

Put you in what position? she’s asking a friend for help…

NotNotNotMyName · 10/04/2022 16:17

OP surely this must be a joke?

Why on Earth wouldn’t you help her? Perfectly reasonable request from someone who’s supposed to by your friend!

skippy67 · 10/04/2022 16:18

@Changename111

I just think you'd sort this out yourself and not bother work colleagues

Bloody hell

noirchatsdeux · 10/04/2022 16:20

My ex husband's girlfriend loses both her bankcard and mobile phone on average every 2 months. She's 41, and that's been happening the whole time I've known her, which is about 11 years now.

bringincrazyback · 10/04/2022 16:28

@dementedpixie

Even grown women can lose things You seem judgemental about her drinking too Are you sure you are friends with her?

Pretty much what I was about to say!

SoftwareDev · 10/04/2022 16:29

At work colleagues quite often don't have cash on them. Subsequently a lot of bank transferring goes on (e.g. when someone goes out to Costa or the likes).

I've honestly never thought anything of it! No one has ever taken issue or complained.

Perhaps we are all just more easy going?

melj1213 · 10/04/2022 16:29

Tbh if a friend, sorry work colleague, asked this of me then I wouldn't even give it a second thought unless it was going to be a significant issue to get to a cash machine - eg if the restaurant is 10 minutes drive in one direction and the nearest ATM is 10 minutes drive in the other and she asks you 40 minutes before you're due to be at the restaurant so you have to rush to get ready

TBH unless the restaurant only took cash then I'd probably just say "I can just pay for us both with my card if you transfer the money over if you want?"

Neverreturntoathread · 10/04/2022 16:32

Wow, glad my friends are nicer than you OP 🤣

Why not just tell her that you don’t care about anyone apart from yourself, and would rather she not come to the lunch if it’s going to waste 5 mins of your time going to a cash point?

melj1213 · 10/04/2022 16:40

A lot of virtue-signalling on here - I would never do a bank transaction "without a second thought".

@daisychain01 when I, and I am sure others, say we would do it "without a second thought" we don't mean we would not verify the transaction is genuine but that we wouldn't even think twice about helping a friend out or find the request, in and of itself, any kind of imposition.

I have been out with friends when one has taken out her purse and realised her bank card wasn't in it because she had taken it out to make an online payment earlier in the day and it was still on the arm of the sofa ... if she then asked me to pay and she would bank transfer the money I would don't happily, I wouldn't berate her for losing track of her belongings and think she was inappropriate for asking.

melj1213 · 10/04/2022 16:41

*do so happily, not don't happily

notacooldad · 10/04/2022 16:44

I’d check it was her and then do it with no issue whatsoever. I’ve often been out on a dog walk on a Saturday morning with my friend and one of us suggest lunch or coffee while we are out . If one of us hasn’t got a card or cash because we hadn’t planned anything one pays and then the other transfers over.

If I got a text I would definitely check it was genuine by phoning my mate and as long as it was true, of course I would lend money. Why wouldn’t I?
We even do it at work when someone is doing the butty run. More than once someone has bought their lunch in but by lunchtime they fancy what everyone else is having. No one cares about a bank transfer!

WomanStanleyWoman · 10/04/2022 16:44

@Changename111

I just think you'd sort this out yourself and not bother work colleagues

But what does this actually mean? Go to the bank and get the money from there? Not an option on a Sunday.

Does it mean she should have had emergency cash or a credit card for such circumstances? Maybe she should have. But she doesn’t. You can only deal with a situation as it is, not as it should be.

Does it mean she should have asked someone closer to her to borrow/withdraw the money? I’m not sure how that counts as ‘sorting it out herself’ any more than asking you did. She probably thought if you were close enough to go out for Sunday lunch, you were friends rather than mere colleagues. Boy, was she wrong…

WomanStanleyWoman · 10/04/2022 16:46

Apple Pay or Android Pay not a possibility? My DC never even take a card out with them.

Apple Pay is linked to the card. If you cancel the card (as most people would if they lose it) you cancel Apple Pay too.

Seraphinesupport · 10/04/2022 16:46

wow im glad i dont know you. Fuck that for a friend nor a colleague

InFiveMins · 10/04/2022 16:48

YABU. It would take 2 minutes to do and help someone out. Not sure why you wouldn't do it to be honest.

CheltenhamLady · 10/04/2022 16:52

OP, you are very unhelpful, she is trying to sort out a difficult situation, it is not a big deal.

WheresMyAlex · 10/04/2022 16:53

I think you’re the odd one OP.

sophienelisse · 10/04/2022 16:55

How much is she asking you to draw out? £50 for something?

I'd do it.

I lose my bank card a lot.

When we go to festivals my friends all xfer money onto a Monzo card I have specifically so we can all use it for rounds of drinks. I am never allowed to be responsible for keeping the cats in my purse.

oviraptor21 · 10/04/2022 16:56

I'd be quite happy to pay the bill if she transferred the money.
I may not be as happy to withdraw the cash depending on whether my plans took me near a cash till or I had time to make a trip to one.

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