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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you do this?

338 replies

Changename111 · 10/04/2022 10:17

Supposed to be having lunch with a few friends from work. One has just messaged me and said she has lost her bank card so if she transfers money can I withdraw it as cash.
I'm really not happy she's put me on this situation.

OP posts:
Mellowyellow222 · 10/04/2022 12:24

@FixTheBone

Bit of a weird one.

I would of thought literally everyone with a bank account and a smartphone could just use their phone to pay?

If it was someone I knew fairly well, I wouldn't have a problem with obliging that request though.

For lunch and plotting g the bill plus tip cash can be handier. We aren’t fully cashless yet - getting closer though.

I have Apple Pay on my phone but do prefer to use cash when out with friends for splitting the bill

OneTC · 10/04/2022 12:24

Honestly, a work colleague loses her card, can't ask her family or close friends for money or bank transfer? Has no access to cash, has no other debit card or credit cards to pay with or withdraw cash? Despite only having one card to access money, she keeps no money in the house for emergencies? She homes in on YOU to solve the problem and do a bank transfer?

Her friend who she is seeing later today asked her to bring some money to their pre-arranged feed.

The rest of the fantasy is yours

sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/04/2022 12:25

Honestly, a work colleague loses her card, can't ask her family or close friends for money or bank transfer? Has no access to cash, has no other debit card or credit cards to pay with or withdraw cash? Despite only having one card to access money, she keeps no money in the house for emergencies? She homes in on YOU to solve the problem and do a bank transfer?

She is meeting the OP for lunch, surely it makes sense for her to transfer the money to someone she is meeting up with.
The OP is meeting this person for lunch on a non working day, that indicates friend more than colleague

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 10/04/2022 12:27

I think YABU - she hasn't asked to borrow money, just for you to take out the money she will transfer you. Considerate of her - it's rubbish losing a bank card, you can get really stuck. Don't overthink it - it's not a pain in the bum, and you will look worse if you don't help her.

shrunkenhead · 10/04/2022 12:28

Eh??! Grown women are allowed to lose their bank cards/ phones/ keys etc on nights out. It's not easy to fix on a Sunday, in guessing your friend was panicking and didn't want to cancel due to having no money so tried the next best thing...? These things happen. She's not trying to scam you, I'm sure. She's probably mortified by a) losing card in first place and b) having to ask you for a loan

shrunkenhead · 10/04/2022 12:30

Just realised she isn't even asking for a loan, but asking to transfer her money to your account! How is this dodgy?!

JudgeJ · 10/04/2022 12:31

Fascinating and vivid rendition of a Tory cheese dream

Oddly enough I've always found it to be the rabid socialists who are the quickest to exceed the limits if they think someone else will be paying!

godmum56 · 10/04/2022 12:31

@mumda

Do grown up humans lose cards and keys and wallets?

If you have no cash on the house then consider someone else might have little cash in the bank and would really need the transfer to clear (is it instant? I don't transfer money to friends accounts so I have no idea) before being able to withdraw cash.

1 yes hell yes. 2 yes its instant on my account, not sure if all are. On occasion it has been a lifesaver for me, not because I have lost my card but because I wanted someone else to purchase something urgently because I was doing something else (getting a relatve out of hospital)
godmum56 · 10/04/2022 12:33

oh PS I would do it for anyone I knew well enough to have lunch with.

Sunnytwobridges · 10/04/2022 12:37

@Starrylight

Tell her she's being absolutely unreasonable and should either not come out, or print her own money instead...
😂
NewYearCalavicci · 10/04/2022 12:42

This is a odd thread , here is how to solve it
@Changename111 phone friend / work mate ask if the msg came from them .
No - block the number, end of issue
Yes - either give them your bank / pay pal
or take your own money out and give it to them and ask them back when they can
or pay for the meal and ask them to pay it back when they can
or Pay for the meal and say 'its your turn next time '
or cancel the lunch ( which I think would be mean)

Personally once I knew it was genuine I would tell them to transfer as much over as they wanted to make sure they had cash for a few days / until they could get to the bank / get new card sorted .

@Theunamedcat,
No I do not think you are weird , I keep cash at home and in my wallet , at home because all the cash machines near me charge between 99p and £3 to take money out and I am on prepaid meters. ( 90% of shops wont accept card payments to top up )

In my wallet because occasionally I need to use a cab / small shop and I had had my card cloned twice around xmas time.
Plus I actual prefer using cash !

2Gen · 10/04/2022 12:46

I think you really do need to phone and speak to her to verify the message DID come from her before you do anything! It just MIGHT be a scam- the bastards are very sly and sneaky!
If it IS her, then, as she is a good friend, I'd do it, because friends help each other. It's not as if she's asking for you to give her the cash first, then transfer the money afterwards. She's offering to transfer HER money into your account BEFORE you give her the cash!
Just TALK to her first to make sure it IS her, OP!

HollowTalk · 10/04/2022 12:47

@Dancer47 I wouldn't ask a work friend to do a bank transfer in a million years as it would feel cheeky, even if she was a friend.

Her work friend isn't asking her to do a bank transfer. She's saying, "If I transfer some money to your account, can you take it out in cash for me as I've lost my card?"

As long as she transfers the money, what's the issue?

NewYearCalavicci · 10/04/2022 12:49

To pp that said bank emergency cash codes dont work on a Sunday
EH ??
In the UK at least ( apologies if your not I dont know if it applies to other country's )
The banks come up with a idea that means you can get cash out when you have lost / forgot your card and the bank isnt open for you to go in and get cash out and you think the one day you can guarantee the bank wont be open is the day you can not use the code method .
Who on earth do you bank with ?

TheBigDilemma · 10/04/2022 12:51

I have had this situation, except that no money was ever transferred to my account, to start with it was “it will go through soon, then it went to “sometimes it takes 24 hours”, “the bank will pay eventually” “I don’t know why you are unstinting. We don’t treat friends like that” to never seen her again.

So no, I would be hesitant. If she was a close friend/family no problems, but I suspect that if you feel like that it is because she is not that close and there must be lots of other people close to her who can do that for her?

impossible · 10/04/2022 12:52

I would not like to have a friend like you. This is a non issue - most people would be happy to help and I can't imagine why you're not. Helping won't cost you anything and requires minimum effort.

If you don't want to help say so and tell her why. At least that way she will know what to expect of you. Alternatively, be empathetic and help her out - funnily enough this is a nicer way to live.

OatmilkandCookies · 10/04/2022 12:52

Not an issue at all I'd say. When I work weekends, normally a few of us order some food in, one person pays and the rest transfer for what we have spent - similar to this is not, and she's just transferring you money for you to draw out?

LaurenKelsey · 10/04/2022 12:53

I hope your “friend” knows how you feel about this favor she’s asking of you so she can drop you.

taylorsdoingapart · 10/04/2022 12:56

Just text her back and tell her you hate her.

HollowTalk · 10/04/2022 12:59

No point in this now as she'll be at lunch, presumably, but I wouldn't send my bank details via text unless I knew it was definitely her on the phone.

Fernshire · 10/04/2022 13:01

So is she a friend from work or a work colleague? You sound hard work.

Ponoka7 · 10/04/2022 13:02

"I just think you'd sort this out yourself"

As asked, how on a Sunday? My DDs card stopped working, she would have to have taken time off work to go to the bank, so I got her cash to cover the five days that it might take. I'd do the same for a friend. In the olden days I even cashed checks for people.

@Dancer47
Normally I might agree about having emergency cash. Since Covid and cashless becoming the norm, most people don't have enough cash to cover a lunch out. Not everyone has family/friends who are available to go to a cash machine then come to the house to drop off cash, on a Sunday morning. My three DDs are in work today. Everyone else will be out/have plans, so it makes more sense to ask the person who you are meeting up with. The OP is a friend, they are having lunch together.

OP I'm surprised you have people who want to lunch with you, you are utterly churlish.

latetothefisting · 10/04/2022 13:02

No I wouldn't do it, as in only do it under duress and as if it's a huge favour and only if she transferred me the money first.
If a friend told me they'd lost, or even just forgotten their card, as long as I could afford it I'd offer to pay for their food for them. If she then paid me back, great, if not, what's a tenner between friends?
But then I actually like my friends, which you don't seem to do OP....

gettingolderandgrumpy · 10/04/2022 13:07

@taylorsdoingapart

Just text her back and tell her you hate her.
Grin
Fernshire · 10/04/2022 13:07

Somehow I doubt think the OP will return to this thread...