Interesting read... (I have finally fully caught up).
My youth was spent feeling ugly as hell - I was objectively pretty, but my mother and sister used to call me fat on a constant basis (I was normal weight), my mother refused to let me choose my clothes or hairstyle until I went to late primary school, and even then there were big restrictions, both financially and in my inability to get, e.g., my ears pieced, when all my friends had theirs done.
I look back at pictures now and while I didn't really know how to deal with my hair, I had a stunning face and beautiful curls. I was, however, also top of my class and bullied mercilessly.
My 20s were spent finding my style and what suits me, but I had developed an on-off eating disorder, so would spend a few months overweight and a few months dangerously thin. There was a phase where I'd get hit on and take numbers home at least weekly - I was a normal weight at the time, but my hair was stunningly long and healthy and I've benefitted from a pretty face, which became more beautiful with age. It was flattering, but my lack of self esteem and my own perception of my body did not allow me to see it for what it was.
Many failed relationships and a divorce later, I am now struggling with being massively overweight and I have lost a lot of my hair to Covid. I am now probably the ugliest I have ever been - straggles where gorgeous hair used to be, wobbly with a huge belly and an even bigger arse.
But I have noticed something.
When I make an effort - some make-up, doing the best I can with my hair, some decent clothes - I still attract a lot of looks. I may not be beautiful, but striking. Yes, I benefit from a nice face and good teeth, but I would not, at the moment, be offered a modelling contract (which has happened twice in my 20s). I went out today, nicely dressed, a bit of make-up, nice shoes and had smiles all around me. Women and men alike. But I also FELT confident.
And therein may also lie the difference in who gets approached, and how.
My beautiful, yet unconfident past self could neither see what she had, nor did she engage much in coversation or trust the good eggs.
My much uglier (yes, sometimes I shock myself in the mirror), but far more confident self can still attract people with little effort and it appears that the more confident I am in my own skin, the better these things go.