To ask what it's like if you're very attractive?!

[ImHavingAnOldFriendForDinner]

Is it amazing? Hard work? Annoying?

But if a weird question I know but I'm on holiday at the moment and surrounded by very attractive women (and men), seriously they are everywhere! Women with amazing bodies, beautiful faces and lovely suntans 😂 I'm a fat, pale 40 something in and out of the pool with the kids trying to hide my size under a baggy Tankini and a beach cover up dreaming of looking like these women. So me and dh were talking and I said I wonder what it's like to be beautiful, he reckons it must be quite powerful to know that everyone is looking at you and thinking "wow" but I'm not sure.. I reckon you must be judged unfairly by men and women but equally it must be amazing to pull something out of your wardrobe and just know that you're going to look good in it!

Is it harder or easier professionally?

There is one woman here who walks her baby round and round the pool every afternoon in the pushchair to get him to sleep and she has this tiny bikini on but just walks and looks so confident. I'm not sure I'd be that confident even if I did look like her!

Just sitting here wondering before I have squeeze into something for dinner that won't make me sweat 😂

Never failing to 'pull' in a nightclub. Been yeara since I last went clubbing but always got the guys!

I was quite beautiful once, it was commented on often. It opened doors, helped me get jobs, I was fawned over by silly men. Never been rejected by someone I wanted (can't account for my awful taste though.)

Now, mid-30s with a child, I'm definitely average. Less attention is genuinely a good thing. I don't miss it. What I do miss is trying on clothes and knowing I look great. I still have objectively a good figure (size 8-10, 30E at 5"4) but i don't feel attractive after 18 months of breastfeeding and with a soft tummy.

Accidentally posted early. I think other people putting so much emphasis on my looks when I was young has corrupted my self esteem and even though I'm a nicer person, more successful now I feel a failure because I no longer look like I once did and I can feel my latent anorexia creeping back,

@MurmuratingStarling

It's a hard cross to bear, but I get by.

Stop it, you beat me to it 🙊

What it's like is totally dependent on how you are, and whether you live your life seeing yourself through others' eyes, or through your own

I grew up being told women wouldn’t like me thankfully realised this was nonsense early on and once I got over myself (so what being good looking isn’t the be all and end all) I found people to be much nicer to me

I wish when I was child there wasn’t such a focus on how I looked I became totally self absorbed as many I know who I guess might be considered above average/striking or whatever terms you want to use. It’s far more important to have belief in your capabilities and intelligence than knowing you are good looking (I knew I pretended I didn’t we do know it’s polite to pretend we don’t)

I mean I get hit on a lot in quite a few different situations so I would say I possess some level of attractiveness. I don't like it. Even when I dress down its just annoying. I've had people stop me on the street when I've been doing shopping with my child and I really don't like it

Women stare at you, look you up and down and/or give you dirty looks. Exclude you from their cliques. Talk about you behind your back. Back stab. Discuss your appearance with other women. Get protective of their partners when you're around.

Ime being pretty/attractive has made it much easier to make friends with other women. Without sounding like a big head (hard not too) I was popular at school, I'm popular in work places etc & I largely put it down to how I look. Lots of my school reports & work appraisals say I things like charming or personable.

Women stare at you, look you up and down and/or give you dirty looks. Exclude you from their cliques. Talk about you behind your back. Back stab. Discuss your appearance with other women. Get protective of their partners when you're around.

Other beautiful women are nice to you.

Men smile at you, wink at you, stare at you, compliment you, wolf whistle, some get flustered and blush.

Other women see you as a threat and also make a play for your man.

“Women scrutinise for flaws in your appearance or personality and discuss them with you or other women.

Women think you are flirting with men, even if you are not, and just sitting or standing chatting, e.g. to a male work colleague.“

Yep. I agree with all of this. It became worse in the age of ‘levelling the playing field’ because ‘ everyone is beautiful’ and ‘different people find different types attractive’ < then why are they still all hitting on me? roll eyes> Oh, so you must be flirting without realising it or a whole host of rather bitchy excuses which avoid the elephant in the room. Golden ratios go back to antiquity but we all have to be equal and if somebody is upsetting the balance then they must be bad or mad but... we are still a sisterhood ( as long as you also join in and cancel yourself in the process)

My friend was a catwalk model, absolutely stunning, looked like the blonde one from ABBA. People thought they owned her. People thought it was ok to tell her to her face what was wrong with her - that they though her eyes were quite small, that she had buck teeth, or her hair was too bleached. None of that was true.I remember one big ugly man, at least 20 years older than her and part of our wider social circle, sit there and tell her that she wasn’t his type, when she hadn’t even said a word to him. People said things to her that they’d never in a million years say to a ‘normal’ pretty person. I think it screwed her up a bit. She found it quite hard to trust people, and I think she often acted in a such a way as to appease people, make herself humble, less visible in a way. It’s quite hard to explain. She was also really smart - got her doctorate, married someone she met on her course, and lives in her wellies and anorak in the country now. Good for her.

I was stared at and looked at up and down at the theatre yesterday by women. I was wearing loungewear ( fully covered). I was also hit on by a cool guy sitting in my row and had to effect a quick exit to avoid him catching up with me. I’m no longer front- of-international- glossy magazines gorgeous but without courting it, I appear to still have it. Twenty year old me would have scoffed at the very idea!

My friend at school was supermodel stunning and also lovely and very bright (she’s got a PhD in psychology now). For her it was awful - whenever we went out she was bombarded by men trying to chat her up. It got worse as they got drunker / braver / less coherent. Obviously when she turned them down she got scorn and the usual insults. For her I reckon it was a curse! It’s not a problem I’ve ever had 🤣

I do think it's subjective though. Many people are attractive because of the whole package so good figure, hair, skin etc but they may not have a beautiful face & many assume thin equals beautiful. Look at how many posts on this thread saying they have lost their looks because they put on weight. Imo a beautiful face is a beautiful face.

@MurmuratingStarling

It's a hard cross to bear, but I get by.

@sleaf

Women stare at you, look you up and down and/or give you dirty looks. Exclude you from their cliques. Talk about you behind your back. Back stab. Discuss your appearance with other women. Get protective of their partners when you're around.

Other beautiful women are nice to you.

Men smile at you, wink at you, stare at you, compliment you, wolf whistle, some get flustered and blush.

Other women see you as a threat and also make a play for your man.

Women scrutinise for flaws in your appearance or personality and discuss them with you or other women.

Women think you are flirting with men, even if you are not, and just sitting or standing chatting, e.g. to a male work colleague.

I have only realised at nearly 50 why Ive seemed to trigger bad behaviour in lots of women. Genuinely never thought I was beautiful and TBH I'm not, but I'm striking and carry myself a certain way that seems to draw people to me IYKWIM? Women and men seem to find me attractive and I get a lot of "looks" that only now at my age (how did I not notice before?) I realise are envy (women) or are checking me out very blatently (men and sometimes women) but I certainly don't have conventional good looks. People sometimes hit on me on Facebook (complete strangers) or in person, or become a bit obsessed with me, and I'm always very surprised. It does help that my confidence is increasing with age but it's not to do with my attractiveness, it's a belief in myself, a self-posession and a realisation that I am actually worth something.

@Wiredforsound

My friend was a catwalk model, absolutely stunning, looked like the blonde one from ABBA. People thought they owned her. People thought it was ok to tell her to her face what was wrong with her - that they though her eyes were quite small, that she had buck teeth, or her hair was too bleached. None of that was true.I remember one big ugly man, at least 20 years older than her and part of our wider social circle, sit there and tell her that she wasn’t his type, when she hadn’t even said a word to him. People said things to her that they’d never in a million years say to a ‘normal’ pretty person. I think it screwed her up a bit. She found it quite hard to trust people, and I think she often acted in a such a way as to appease people, make herself humble, less visible in a way. It’s quite hard to explain. She was also really smart - got her doctorate, married someone she met on her course, and lives in her wellies and anorak in the country now. Good for her.

My teeth are not straight (very similar to Jerry Hall’s) and someone (a stranger really) told me I’d be perfect if it wasn’t for my teeth. I probably just laughed as I was in my twenties and still a people pleaser but I thought it was pretty rude as I’d only just been introduced to him (a work do). There were definitely times people want to take you down a peg or two (I never mentioned looks so it wasn’t as if I was acting the big I am). A female colleague once called me a skinny b*tch to my face just for being slim (she’d not call me that now, more fat cow 😁). Trust me people did say things to ‘normal’ people especially if you were skinny. Skinny shaming is real and it’s hurts every bit as much as fat shaming.

Skinny shaming is real and it’s hurts every bit as much as fat shaming.

I disagree, skinny is still seen as more desirable, fat isn't. I'd far rather someone call me a skinny bitch then a fat bitch. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@colosmbo

Skinny shaming is real and it’s hurts every bit as much as fat shaming.

I disagree, skinny is still seen as more desirable, fat isn't. I'd far rather someone call me a skinny bitch then a fat bitch. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well maybe, but it's still body shaming and it's still not acceptable. Some people struggle to gain weight as much as others struggle to lose it.

I'm not saying it's acceptable, I just don't think they have the same connotations.

I struggled to gain weight as a teen and was very lanky & always underweight plus i'm tall. Skinny wasn't in & I wanted more curves but I didn't think about food or my weight at all. Now late 30s & post dc I'm struggling to loose lockdown pounds & having to restrict my food. I miss not having to think about it all.

I miss not having to diet!

@colosmbo

Skinny shaming is real and it’s hurts every bit as much as fat shaming.

I disagree, skinny is still seen as more desirable, fat isn't. I'd far rather someone call me a skinny bitch then a fat bitch. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree, skinny shaming comes from envy, fat shaming comes from disgust and contempt.

I'm not traditionally beautiful at all but I do get some weird attention and have had unwanted messages on FB and Instagram from random men who turned nasty quite quickly when I rejected them. I have also been stalked on social media and had to leave LinkedIn because of this.

When I mentioned to my ex manager it had happened she made some catty envious comment... Yeah like I really enjoy being harassed 🤔.

Old workplace had comments about being slim constantly, by other women, barely disguised envy, to the point that I stopped eating in the communal kitchen. School mum's similar issue. My very beautiful friend was basically ostracised in the school playground by the other women, they thought she'd be after their husbands. She really wasn't.

Do men still find women who have children attractive? I uses to get alot of attention before children. I was confident, always dressed well and wore heels. Now (at 27) I feel I look like I've been hit by a bus, even when I make an effort. Its upsetting tbh. I get a look every now and then and its flattering but I feel those days are coming to a very quick end. The circle of life I guess!

I was a model as a young woman in the 80s. I am decent enough looking still, at the ripe old age of fifty. I looked my best after modelling because I was so thin while doing fashion work. We all had eating disorders, cocaine was encouraged and lived on diet coke, black coffee and ciggies. It was odd being stared at all the time and I never got used to it. I hated being looked at and still do as I'm actually shy, although I'm just a decent looking mum nowadays, which suits me, only looked at by older gentlemen, lol. I came out of it, rediscovered my faith, cleaned up, got married and had kids.
Sorry, bit long winded, but some ex boyfriends and friends said my looks were quite off putting / daunting.

@beattieedny

I was a model as a young woman in the 80s. I am decent enough looking still, at the ripe old age of fifty. I looked my best after modelling because I was so thin while doing fashion work. We all had eating disorders, cocaine was encouraged and lived on diet coke, black coffee and ciggies. It was odd being stared at all the time and I never got used to it. I hated being looked at and still do as I'm actually shy, although I'm just a decent looking mum nowadays, which suits me, only looked at by older gentlemen, lol. I came out of it, rediscovered my faith, cleaned up, got married and had kids. Sorry, bit long winded, but some ex boyfriends and friends said my looks were quite off putting / daunting.

I was a catwalk model in a subsequent decade and I saw very little of that. It was all buddha bowls, avocados and matcha by then! Boringly, I tried to be in bed by 9pm and would still do this except that my DC like to push it to 10pm.