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Original poster

To ask what it's like if you're very attractive?!

221 replies

ImHavingAnOldFriendForDinner · 09/04/2022 22:11

Is it amazing? Hard work? Annoying?

But if a weird question I know but I'm on holiday at the moment and surrounded by very attractive women (and men), seriously they are everywhere! Women with amazing bodies, beautiful faces and lovely suntans 😂 I'm a fat, pale 40 something in and out of the pool with the kids trying to hide my size under a baggy Tankini and a beach cover up dreaming of looking like these women. So me and dh were talking and I said I wonder what it's like to be beautiful, he reckons it must be quite powerful to know that everyone is looking at you and thinking "wow" but I'm not sure.. I reckon you must be judged unfairly by men and women but equally it must be amazing to pull something out of your wardrobe and just know that you're going to look good in it!

Is it harder or easier professionally?

There is one woman here who walks her baby round and round the pool every afternoon in the pushchair to get him to sleep and she has this tiny bikini on but just walks and looks so confident. I'm not sure I'd be that confident even if I did look like her!

Just sitting here wondering before I have squeeze into something for dinner that won't make me sweat 😂

OP posts:
Livebythecoast · 10/04/2022 07:57

I probably turn more stomach's than heads these days but was considered attractive in my 20's and 30's. I wasn't particularly confident though so didn't take much notice when I was complimented on my looks.
I'm 50 now and my DH still says I'm beautiful (I'm really not) but maybe I am to him and that's all that matters Smile

NewbieSM · 10/04/2022 08:21

I wouldn't say I'm supermodel attractive at all, I'm way too short at 5 "2. But I am 28, slim and a generically pretty face but the big draw is my race. I am Eurasian and this mix seems to attract a lot of creepy comments and attention from men tbh. There are preconceived ideas about my personality and promiscuity. Men always start a conversation with a question about my race or calling me exotic and it makes me really uncomfortable. I hate being reduced to some porn fantasy stereotype with some 19th century colonialism thrown it, it has really damaged my self confidence and at times made me question my identity and heritage.

Being "attractive" isn't all it's cracked up to be, I'm almost looking forward to ageing and becoming invisible as some of you ladies have said!

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 10/04/2022 08:29

When I was 16 in sixth form the younger girls in the school approached me in the loo and told me I was the prettiest girl in school. My best friend told me I was actually beautiful not just attractive. This came as a shock, especially being one of only a few black girls in the school. At 14 I was stalked and groped/abused by a guy fixing our home computer. At 16 the boss at my Saturday job did the same. From 16 to 25 I hardly left the house without getting someone's number, beeped, cat-called. This was compounded by having oddly large boobs, currently 32J. On holiday a fella followed me into the hotel lift and assaulted me. At uni someone from my home town turned up having driven over 100 miles to find me there

So basically it was... an experience. I never had much confidence and never considered myself pretty but I had great friendships and apart from the unwanted attention, fun times. It didn't stop my husband from cheating though but DH2 tells me I'm beautiful everyday

Furrbabymama87 · 10/04/2022 08:31

I did glamour modelling in my early 20s. I'm mid 30s and though I'm still attractive and have a good face, I'm a few stone heavier. I've noticed other women are nicer to me now. When I was modelling women assumed I was a bitch and I'd always be left chatting to the men at parties.

RestingMurderousFace · 10/04/2022 08:38

@Charlize43

The Police have me under house arrest because every time I step out I stop the traffic.
😂😂😂
GalesThisMorning · 10/04/2022 08:45

Men don't grope/ stare/ harass/ photograph women because they beautiful though. Men do this because they are creepy fucks who know they can get away with it. I had tons of that shit in my teens/ twenties, when objectively I was beautiful! I am still beautiful (to me and my husband anyway) but I don't get that shit anymore because I am 42, surrounded by small children, and confident enough to challenge behaviour that I wouldn't have known how to deal with at 19.

I'm just saying, the shit men do to women is not a validation of beauty. I know it sounds really cringey but feeling beautiful is much better than being seen as beautiful

PaddlingLikeADuck · 10/04/2022 08:46

Before motherhood took its toll, being attractive was amazing and I certainly used it to my advantage.

crosbystillsandmash · 10/04/2022 08:52

I'm considered very attractive, mostly I think because I'm very petite and still have the figure I had as a teenager (I'm 51) I'm also half Spanish, so have been blessed with olive skin, great cheekbones etc
I'm not particularly full of confidence though, I was bullied at school and this has stayed with me sadly.

I'm really well liked at work and have lots of friends but I'm not sure it's my looks that have made me popular, I'm friendly and kind person and work hard at nurturing relationships.

One irritation is the assumption that I just get up and feel amazing everyday.
My friends are wonderful but if I dare to say that I'm unsure if something suits me etc I'm immediately dismissed, people seem to assume I'm always 100% full of self confidence - not necessarily true, especially now I'm ageing!!

Whatdidhearyousay · 10/04/2022 08:54

I worked with an amazingly beautiful girl in an office once and I felt so sorry for her. This was in the 90s and men would just follow her around, perve over her, ask her out, stare at her. It was constant and it made me appreciate not being drop dead gorgeous

DrSbaitso · 10/04/2022 08:54

@GalesThisMorning

Men don't grope/ stare/ harass/ photograph women because they beautiful though. Men do this because they are creepy fucks who know they can get away with it. I had tons of that shit in my teens/ twenties, when objectively I was beautiful! I am still beautiful (to me and my husband anyway) but I don't get that shit anymore because I am 42, surrounded by small children, and confident enough to challenge behaviour that I wouldn't have known how to deal with at 19.

I'm just saying, the shit men do to women is not a validation of beauty. I know it sounds really cringey but feeling beautiful is much better than being seen as beautiful

I have to agree with this. I could write a book about all the harassment I've had and still get, including pursuit and actual assault, and I'm not a stunner. I was overweight and spotty for quite some time and it still happened a lot.

It's worse when you're younger but it seems to be taking a long time to stop completely...

Hoppinggreen · 10/04/2022 09:00

17 year old DD is of a certain type that many men and boys find attractive and in general she hates the attention. She’s pretty shy as well and finds being leered out (which has been happening since she was about 12) very upsetting. She had a good group of friends at school in Y7/8 but then some of the boys got a bit obsessed with her and started competing for her attention and some of the girls started to get bitchy about it - I know this is true from seeing messages and from the school.
She has a lovely BF now and is pretty happy but she is wary of boys at college being friendly to her as she suspects their motives.
So it’s not always good being attractive

pinpluf · 10/04/2022 09:05

I agree about male attention not necessarily having to do with your looks. I got the most male attention in some ways when I was a lanky, awkward school girl. I think it's the uniform & the youth. Half the time the men couldn't even see me up close.

pinpluf · 10/04/2022 09:06

She has a lovely BF now and is pretty happy but she is wary of boys at college being friendly to her as she suspects their motives.

I think that's a good lesson for any women to learn though.

DigsDilemma · 10/04/2022 09:10

I know two kinds of beautiful women. The first group are those who seem pretty confident in themselves, they are probably healthy and active and glowy, and have decent jobs and are used to being respected by others. They're not defined by their looks, but being pretty is a big advantage and helps them get the most successful partners and to get on at work. For those people looks are great. I also know another group where they look great, but in other ways life is harder. They've probably had harder childhoods and may have had bad experiences with men. For this group I think looks cause a lot of anxiety. There's a huge pressure to maintain looks, and the looks are often tied up with self esteem, but it also comes with the constant danger of men treating you like a commodity, and this is the group most like to be abused in some way & to really struggle as the looks fade. I think like most things, a lot depends on how privileged you already are.

Hoppinggreen · 10/04/2022 09:13

@pinpluf

She has a lovely BF now and is pretty happy but she is wary of boys at college being friendly to her as she suspects their motives.

I think that's a good lesson for any women to learn though.

Shouldn’t be necessary though. She had (what she though were) lots of lovely Male friends at Primary and Secondary school until they “got weird”. She’s not into a lot of things girls her age typically are and likes gaming, anime etc so always found boys easier to be friends with in general At college funnily enough she has found her tribe of slightly quirky girls but keeps any boys in her gang at arms length
CounsellorTroi · 10/04/2022 09:22

Used to know someone who was so attractive that most men were intimidated and only the most arrogant and cocksure ones dared to approach her. I hope she ended up with a nice ordinary guy.

Jewel1968 · 10/04/2022 09:24

I worked with a lovely young woman who had been a model and a couple of other young women who were equally attractive.

2 of them were single and really struggling to meet someone. I have lost touch now but last I heard they had met someone. Their stories of their love lives were depressing. And they weren't particularly confident.

Notbeinfunnehbut · 10/04/2022 09:35

I’m finding the posts about peaking in their 30s interesting
I’m fat and disgusting but facially I would probably say I’m at my best now
It’s funny as society makes women feel expired after 30

Stylishkidintheriot · 10/04/2022 10:05

@Notbeinfunnehbut that’s a terrible way to talk about yourself “disgusting”. Would you talk about your best friend in that way? Would you put up with someone else calling you “disgusting”?

You may be fat (I have no idea, I can’t see you) but that doesn’t mean that you are disgusting

glittereyelash · 10/04/2022 10:09

Not me but a close friend is absolutely stunning. Nobody wanted to be the one standing beside her in a picture 🤣 When she was younger she was constantly harassed by men they would literally push the rest of us out of the way to get to her. It was always assumed she was stupid, shallow and hard work but she was the loveliest down to earth girl. Other girls loved her aswell because she just had this aura and positive energy that everyone felt. She found the excessive male attention a pain but was always nice to people as long as they weren't being sleazy or grabby. As she's gotten older and more assertive she stops people in their tracks when they are bothering her.

Piglet89 · 10/04/2022 10:15
Antarcticant · 10/04/2022 10:16

Just following thread out of interest as I'm not attractive at all.

Piglet89 · 10/04/2022 10:17

“You’re so beautiful…you could be an air hostess in the 60s”.

Antarcticant · 10/04/2022 10:23

Then at the age of 40 I had to have a hysterectomy and promptly put on 3 stone. Dr said some women do, just like some dogs and cats that have been spayed.

Slightly off-topic, but that was totally unhelpful from the doctor. It's not inevitable to become three stone heavier after hysterectomy - you might have to eat differently, as I did, but you don't have to accept a weight gain. You sound as though you have made peace with it, but I hope no one else who receives a doctor fob-off will just accept it.

nattichix · 10/04/2022 10:26

Men at work can be a bother in two ways:

The ones who hit on you and the ones who don't respect your achievements at work, because they feel you were favoured by the men who hit on you and therefore don't deserve your achievements.

I don't think I'm even that attractive or anything, but I have very much suffered with people at work ( men especially, but also some women ), not respecting my achievements, because they assumed that I'm always favoured for being an ' attractive ' woman or just a woman in general.

They think male bosses favour women. Once I presented to our CEO and got some good feedback, my male colleague turned around to me afterwards and said he just wants to shag me and that's why he gave me an easy ride. I've also been asked not to use my femininity to my advantage, by male bosses before.