To ask what it's like if you're very attractive?!

[ImHavingAnOldFriendForDinner]

Is it amazing? Hard work? Annoying?

But if a weird question I know but I'm on holiday at the moment and surrounded by very attractive women (and men), seriously they are everywhere! Women with amazing bodies, beautiful faces and lovely suntans 😂 I'm a fat, pale 40 something in and out of the pool with the kids trying to hide my size under a baggy Tankini and a beach cover up dreaming of looking like these women. So me and dh were talking and I said I wonder what it's like to be beautiful, he reckons it must be quite powerful to know that everyone is looking at you and thinking "wow" but I'm not sure.. I reckon you must be judged unfairly by men and women but equally it must be amazing to pull something out of your wardrobe and just know that you're going to look good in it!

Is it harder or easier professionally?

There is one woman here who walks her baby round and round the pool every afternoon in the pushchair to get him to sleep and she has this tiny bikini on but just walks and looks so confident. I'm not sure I'd be that confident even if I did look like her!

Just sitting here wondering before I have squeeze into something for dinner that won't make me sweat 😂

I wouldn’t know

It would be amazing. I think most of us, let's say, not conventionally attractive people know the feeling when you do look half decent for once. Your outfit suits for once, you've slimmed down slightly, your hair is working, your make up accidently turned out good. It does feel great. So I imagine being attractive would be like having that feeling every day.

For everyone saying oh no it's so hard - would you rather be unattractive then? And every attractive person I know spends lots of time and money to keep themselves that way/become even more attractive. I have never once seen someone try on purpose to become ugly. Of course I'm not saying it would make your life perfect but you definitely wouldn't prefer the alternative.

My best friend was beautiful from childhood to probably early 30's she went between being cripplingly insecure and needing reassurance to lapping up attention and assuming everyone was adored as she was. Unfortunately stresss and heavy drinking has impacted so her looks are more normal now.

I had a period between 17-33 where the stars aligned and I was quite pretty and got a lot of attention. I enjoyed it but found female friends didn't always like me getting more male attention than them. I also found men were often looking for sex rather than long term.

I was similar @autienotnaughty and got a lot of attention in my teens/20’s. I’ve had many incidents of unwanted attention too, some that were pretty unpleasant. I was attractive, not beautiful by any stretch, but with a nice slim curvy figure, interesting features, good skin and hair. I was always going out, very social, laughing, loved dancing etc and I think that really did attract people. I was never attractive enough for it to cause any resentment!

After my second child I’ve definitely lost it. Up to 40 I’d have said I could still pull off looking decent and well put together but it takes a lot of effort. Long gone are the days where I could get out of bed and walk confidently across the room naked, bed head and last night’s make up, knowing that I looked great still.

I was considered very attractive from early 20s to mid-30s. It was both easier and harder. Harder because of the unwanted attention, easier because a lot of men make your life easier with offers to help, better service, etc. Doors literally and metaphorically open for you. I don't recall active bitchiness from other women. Weirdly, I used to get given free stuff a lot: free tickets, free drinks, free coffees, free cab rides. As others have said, it is mainly from men wanting sex. Luckily I had a good partner throughout this time otherwise I think I would have found myself in some demoralising encounters.

I used to be a bit of a looker. Told I was beautiful all the time, but didn’t really believe it so sadly missed out on being confident like your pool mum, which is what I would consider the best part of being beautiful would be. In fact now I’m fat and 50 I would say I probably have more body confidence now than I did back then (though still not much), so I guess what I’m trying to say is beauty was wasted on me and I would have much preferred to be plain but confident.

@Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese

Women would call me a slut on the street and constant sex pests. Being followed home, men trying to pull you into cars, endless flashers and being “accidentally" touched in public. I don't think I was amazingly beautiful either. I'm later 30's now and I am enjoying becoming more invisible. Feels safer.

As a young woman( No was was I good looking) but the endless things like you describe- Cat- calls, whistles, being chatted up, men I didn’t know wanting to buy me things- ( In Liberty in my 20’s looking at a silk scarf that was hundreds- I put it back hurriedly, and a man said “ please may I buy that for you?” I refused. ( No such thing as a free scarf) Invites to dinner - again refused.

Now, older, invisibility is a relief.

Others say the same.

I was beautiful in my early 20s and it was pretty awful. I have kind of an awkward personality- I'm nice but nervous and probably a bit odd 😁. Women tended to take a dislike to me. Men would hit on me constantly for my looks but when I would date one he'd go off me because of my personality. I was so lonely! Now that I'm older I'm much happier - I get along well with almost everyone, male and female alike. And I have a DH who loves me for me.

During my 20s I seemed to be irresistible to men and it was awful. Constantly harassed, by clients, colleagues, suppliers. People I thought were my friends flipped out and never spoke to me again when I rejected them. My team mates used to try to get me to flirt with clients for more business. I hit my 30s and it was like a weight had been lifted, could finally just get on with my life like everyone else. I guess it depends if you like the attention? Amd like some PPs said, I was definitely at my peak but I doubt I look like these women you are referring to.

As PP said people assume I'm not going to be a nice or very approachable person based on how I look and have said afterwards (once they've gotten to know me) that they expected me to be 'princess-y'
(I can be princess-y but only to my DH lol)
It's maybe hard not to judge people on how they look but it still seems unfair.

These sort of threads never really work because very few people are actually beautiful, beauty is subjective but also strangely objective. It's also cultural.

However some people are beautiful. As is accepted by the cultural norm in which they exist. I think I'm one. I know I am one. I'm not pretty, I'm more an Angelica Houston 'extraordinary' looking woman.

What's it like? It's ok. I'm not traditionally western 'sexy' but I am 'beautiful'. I never got harassed because I think I look a bit frightening to men. I don't look accessible. I am treated very well. People tend to be interested in me. Young women are very interested in my clothes, hair, face. They are very drawn to me.

Men? They do what I ask. I work in a very male industry. I have no problems with my interactions with men professionally.

I do worry about my daughter because she has a golden-section face and is also autistic. She is way more beautiful than I am, and guileless. Her beauty is extraordinary. It really is. Her counsellor and SENCO and teachers and I worry about it, because I know what it's like to be weirdly beautiful.

But to be as beautiful as her and autistic, I just think there are so many people that will take advantage of that.

So. Beauty? Not necessarily a bad thing. Not without adenda though.

I wouldnt know and most of these experiences are from women. Its a shame how the harassment from men negates any positives.
I think being a good looking man must be a wonderful thing to be. I see good looking men get such good service and also get away with all sorts.

@Charlize43

If I was attractive I'd like to be intelligent too... Am I asking for too much?

I do think attractive people may struggle more as they age and lose their looks. The younger attractive women in the office would be complain about their weight etc ( not overweight) and I'd think wait until you get older enjoy your beauty now!

Enjoy your holiday OP

I have a half sister who is stunning and it's always been really interesting to see people's reactions to her. Shes very tall abs slim with white blonde hair. When she was a teen she would constantly have men winding down their windows, making lewd comments etc. Men would even do it when she was out with her mum.
When older she was treated terribly by some men as some sort of trophy.
Luckily she has a lovely DP now but she still gets a lot of unwanted attention which is difficult for her as she's naturally quite shy. It's really not been a gift or much benefit to her as far as I can tell.

These sort of threads never really work because very few people are actually beautiful, beauty is subjective but also strangely objective. It's also cultural.

However some people are beautiful. As is accepted by the cultural norm in which they exist. I think I'm one. I know I am one. I'm not pretty, I'm more an Angelica Houston 'extraordinary' looking woman.

Is it just me? 🤣

Personally I think if your are actually beautiful you don't loose your looks in your 30s just because you don't have that youthfulness anymore. A beautiful person tends to still be beautiful as they age

There is a scientific field called pulchronomics that actually investigates this issue scientifically. Generally speaking, beautiful people do get significant economic and social benefit over their lifetime, although there are a few strange quirks.

Spending on cosmetics doesn't necessarily make a difference,

Some examples
Beauty Pays: Why Attractive People are More Successful. By Daniel Hamermesh. Princeton University Press
The Beauty Bias: The Injustice of Appearance in Life and Law. By Deborah Rhode. Oxford University Press.

And @PinkSyCo you neatly prove my point.

I am very beautiful.. I don't know what you want me to...

And clever.

@pinpluf, yes. I'm 50. I'm still beautiful. Because I'm beautiful.

Apparently I had the "face of a ballerina and the body of a can can dancer" when I was young. I got a lot of attention, mostly unwanted, e.g gropers, flashers, shouted at in the street, harassment from male colleagues and even some bosses. Luckily, I was good at the quick derogatory one-liners so not too fazed by it..Then at the age of 40 I had to have a hysterectomy and promptly put on 3 stone. Dr said some women do, just like some dogs and cats that have been spayed. I became invisible and It was tough to be suddenly propelled into dumpy middle-age but it was then I met my lovely second husband who still finds me attractive at the age of 71. I look in the mirror and just see an old crone so he obviously goes to Specsavers!

I suspect places like that attract people who suit bikinis. The others probably choose elsewhere.

I used to ride on the back of DH's motorbike. When I took off the helmet I looked awful as hair was straggly and flat to my head. Most of the other partners/wives seemed to tie their long hair back and looked fine when they took their helmets off and - the majority had that hair style.

So a self selecting group possibly.

And clever.

And arrogant.

@DukeofEarlGrey

I was considered very attractive from early 20s to mid-30s. It was both easier and harder. Harder because of the unwanted attention, easier because a lot of men make your life easier with offers to help, better service, etc. Doors literally and metaphorically open for you. I don't recall active bitchiness from other women. Weirdly, I used to get given free stuff a lot: free tickets, free drinks, free coffees, free cab rides. As others have said, it is mainly from men wanting sex. Luckily I had a good partner throughout this time otherwise I think I would have found myself in some demoralising encounters.

One of my friends was v attractive and this rang true.

People were nicer to her both men and women, and at work she was never criticised - she just got an easier ride in all areas of life, but also had some verging on stalker behaviour from men to deal with and she was very objectified.

I was never attractive really but got away with a lot more when younger - I could blag more easily.

I've never been stunning, but I morphed at one point (weight loss, learned to dress and do my hair and makeup and a couple of minor procedures). Male attention was as frequent and creepy as ever; did go up somewhat but they'd been pigs beforehand anyway. Women were nicer; they hadn't been bitches beforehand but they started up conversations with me more, would randomly offer compliments and ask for tips in the gym.

In the workplace, things got better but I think that was my increased confidence. My boss was a lovely woman but I don't think she cared how I looked; she was always clean and tidy but didn't wear makeup and made it clear she wasn't bothered about fashion or style, so I don't think those things were what she valued in me.