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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what it's like if you're very attractive?!

221 replies

ImHavingAnOldFriendForDinner · 09/04/2022 22:11

Is it amazing? Hard work? Annoying?

But if a weird question I know but I'm on holiday at the moment and surrounded by very attractive women (and men), seriously they are everywhere! Women with amazing bodies, beautiful faces and lovely suntans 😂 I'm a fat, pale 40 something in and out of the pool with the kids trying to hide my size under a baggy Tankini and a beach cover up dreaming of looking like these women. So me and dh were talking and I said I wonder what it's like to be beautiful, he reckons it must be quite powerful to know that everyone is looking at you and thinking "wow" but I'm not sure.. I reckon you must be judged unfairly by men and women but equally it must be amazing to pull something out of your wardrobe and just know that you're going to look good in it!

Is it harder or easier professionally?

There is one woman here who walks her baby round and round the pool every afternoon in the pushchair to get him to sleep and she has this tiny bikini on but just walks and looks so confident. I'm not sure I'd be that confident even if I did look like her!

Just sitting here wondering before I have squeeze into something for dinner that won't make me sweat 😂

OP posts:
notanothertakeaway · 10/04/2022 16:56

I have great hair, and it is a confidence boost. But hate my figure. I guess it must be nice if you feel confident about your whole apoearance

beattieedny · 10/04/2022 17:25

Yes, I am in bed before 9 pm these days.
The eighties were crazy. I'm glad it wasn't as bad in the nineties!

Iflyaway · 10/04/2022 17:53

I really do wish women would not feel their looks, body, etc. is part of their self-worth.

It's worse now than when I grew up in the 70's.

WTF happened?! I thought womens' LIB had happened.... Sadly not.

BellePeppa · 10/04/2022 17:57

@colosmbo

I do think it's subjective though. Many people are attractive because of the whole package so good figure, hair, skin etc but they may not have a beautiful face & many assume thin equals beautiful. Look at how many posts on this thread saying they have lost their looks because they put on weight. Imo a beautiful face is a beautiful face.
I agree but unfortunately faces (well mine) tend to start dropping south and lips get thinner and jowls get bigger. I find women who were ballet dancers tend to keep their beautiful bone structure no matter what age.
BellePeppa · 10/04/2022 18:03

@colosmbo

Skinny shaming is real and it’s hurts every bit as much as fat shaming.

I disagree, skinny is still seen as more desirable, fat isn't. I'd far rather someone call me a skinny bitch then a fat bitch. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Totally disagree. Let’s be honest most fat (and I include myself nowadays) is down to lifestyle choice, naturally skinny isn’t. When people tell you to eat more, you look anorexic, do you have to run around the shower to get wet, you’re so thin you disappear when you turn sideways, you’ve got legs like pipe cleaners, you look like a Biafran (apologies to Biafrans but that was said to me in the times of starving Biafrans) it bloody hurts and it’s not a question of cutting out the burgers. What skinny jibes did you particularly not mind being aimed at you?
Original poster
ImHavingAnOldFriendForDinner · 10/04/2022 18:07

@uggmum

I'm going to Dubai in a June. I'll be the old fatty around the pool.

I must try to shift some weight before then and up the grooming

@uggmum you can take my place 😂 The grooming was a right pain especially while it's still cold at home because I don't bother!!
OP posts:
Iwonder08 · 10/04/2022 18:07

Fairly attractive by a generic standard. Day to day life is easier because of the looks as people are generally nicer to you. Work is 300% harder as I work in male dominated environment and you a) need to be better than everyone else or they by default assumed you got there because of the looks and b) deal with a variety of harrassment

DrSbaitso · 10/04/2022 18:09

@beattieedny

Yes, I am in bed before 9 pm these days. The eighties were crazy. I'm glad it wasn't as bad in the nineties!
Weren't the 90s all about "heroin chic" and the waif look? Eating disorders and cocaine everywhere?
BellePeppa · 10/04/2022 18:10

@colosmbo

Skinny shaming is real and it’s hurts every bit as much as fat shaming.

I disagree, skinny is still seen as more desirable, fat isn't. I'd far rather someone call me a skinny bitch then a fat bitch. 🤷🏻‍♀️

To add to that, once when I started a temp job in an office I was introduced to the boss in front of everyone, did he say “hello, nice to meet you”? No, he said (loudly) “I’ve seen more meat on a matchstick”, that was it, nothing more. It cut to the quick so please don’t tell me it’s fine and dandy being taunted for being skinny. Even to this day I deeply regret not coming back to him with a retort. I should have told him (loudly) “and I’ve seen more manners on a pig”! I would now.
Original poster
ImHavingAnOldFriendForDinner · 10/04/2022 18:13

@thegreylady

You are in Dubai? My son is currently on a beach in Dubai with his wife and daughter. The weather looks glorious. I am in bed with horrible side effects from spring booster vaccination.
@thegreylady yes we are here until Tuesday, the weather is amazing although definitely getting hotter the last couple of days 🥵 I hope your son and his family are having a lovely time and that you feel better soon x
OP posts:
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 10/04/2022 18:14

I was as a young woman in the 80s. I'm 60 now so not any more.
It's horrible. You got shouted at in the street, groped all the time and nobody cares about your personality or needs. They just want arm candy.
I'm disgusted with men and prefer to be single now. You can't have a normal life.

Original poster
ImHavingAnOldFriendForDinner · 10/04/2022 18:21

@anothernamedoesntsmellsosweet

All I can think of is how many of them around the pool are Dubai Porta potties?
@anothernamedoesntsmellsosweet Jesus Christ I've lived a sheltered life, never heard of that before and kind of wish I hadn't googled 😂
OP posts:
something2say · 10/04/2022 18:21

I used to be quite hot too, these were my experiences...
Stared at
Doors opened
Eyes on you as you enter a room
My friend said I had to stand back and let her decide who she fancied and go first
But I had to go in the venue before her to make the heads turn
Men were nice to me until they realised they weren't going to get any, then horrible

Original poster
ImHavingAnOldFriendForDinner · 10/04/2022 18:22

@Dora26

I had a friend who was truly beautiful- she lit up the room when she walked in, and was a really nice person also. 3 weeks ago she walked into the sea and we are left with all the whys. Beautiful people don’t necessarily have it all….
@Dora26 I'm so sorry that awful and so sadThanks 
OP posts:
colosmbo · 10/04/2022 18:23

Let’s be honest most fat (and I include myself nowadays) is down to lifestyle choice, naturally skinny isn’t.

I disagree, it's lifestyle but I'm not sure about the choice aspect. There's often socio economic reasons why people are fatter.
Most people don't stay naturally skinny though & tend to fill out as they age, although some chose to stay very slim. Looking back I was "naturally skinny" because I was so active, didn't sit still much and my weight had yet to match my height so I could get away with eating loads. I can't eat all those calories now & I burn no one near as many calories.

I got called flat chested (I wasn't, just baggy shirts), stick legs, giant, lanky, some reference to Ethiopia etc. It wasn't constant though & I was very aware that some people saw my skinnyness as a positive & then my shape become fashionable.
I worked in a clothes shop on Bond Street as a teen & we earned commission. The top sales person very obviously had anorexia & was often hospitalised as a result. Customers though would very often look at her approvingly & love her advice simply because she was very thin.

My shape is now very unfashionable, I'm never going to have a tiny waist with abs & rounded hips with a bubble butt.

colosmbo · 10/04/2022 18:25

It cut to the quick so please don’t tell me it’s fine and dandy being taunted for being skinny.

Except I never said that 🙄

colosmbo · 10/04/2022 18:26

Weren't the 90s all about "heroin chic" and the waif look? Eating disorders and cocaine everywhere?

There were for me in fashion retail & magazines.

Giraffesandbottoms · 10/04/2022 18:30

Lots of free stuff, lots of help with doors, carrying things, chatting etc. I’m extremely sunny and smiley etc though in person which I think helps a lot anyway - I get stared at a lot but I think it’s also to do with confident posture and walk. These things make a huge difference.

I still think the most attractive thing anyone can be is kind and friendly though - and it’s like the Twits; if you’re kind and friendly that shines out and people respond positively to it.

There’s always a huge difference immediately postpartum and I never know if it’s because I’m carrying extra weight or because I act less confident because of the weight!

Original poster
ImHavingAnOldFriendForDinner · 10/04/2022 18:35

This post has just made it really obvious how vile some men can be..

Beautiful pool Mum did her walk today and accidentally knocked into my dd who was running around and she was mortified, she apologised and was really lovely we had a quick chat as best we could as she's from the Czech Republic and had very broken English! Her husband is working so she's on her own with her baby but her friend is joining her tomorrow.

As lovely as she was I couldn't wait to sit down because she was about 3ft taller than me, thank god I didn't just have my swimsuit on!

OP posts:
Stylishkidintheriot · 10/04/2022 18:36

I’m fat and a bit ugly. Have a cheerful personality though.

A few times recently when I’ve been buying lunch either my bank card hasn’t worked or I’ve left it in another shop. Each time the person behind the till has told me just to take the food and pay it back next time.

I must have an honest face

Giraffesandbottoms · 10/04/2022 18:59

@Stylishkidintheriot

No matter what you say about your own looks (and I’m sure you are being hard on yourself), your personality makes you beautiful

Original poster
ImHavingAnOldFriendForDinner · 10/04/2022 19:26

My dh saw something on tv that said people with round faces are more approachable so he said that's why people talk to me all the time (they do) because I have a big round head (I do)!!

OP posts:
CMZ2018 · 10/04/2022 19:51

It’s not all it’s cracked up to be but I cope

anothernamedoesntsmellsosweet · 10/04/2022 20:17

@ImHavingAnOldFriendForDinner are you looking for the porta potties now though? Are you less jealous?

Locomelon · 10/04/2022 20:35

@Sleepytimebear

During my 20s I seemed to be irresistible to men and it was awful. Constantly harassed, by clients, colleagues, suppliers. People I thought were my friends flipped out and never spoke to me again when I rejected them. My team mates used to try to get me to flirt with clients for more business. I hit my 30s and it was like a weight had been lifted, could finally just get on with my life like everyone else. I guess it depends if you like the attention? Amd like some PPs said, I was definitely at my peak but I doubt I look like these women you are referring to.
This was my experience too. Was used to take out on client lunches, was photographed to appear in the company catalogue, was carted out for trade shows and told to wear low cut tops and short skirts. Never taken seriously. Never really advanced my career. Now I'm fat and in my 40's, still pretty but 4 stone overweight, and I love feeling invisible to men (apart from my lovely DH)