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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think "fuck off" far more than anything nice?

297 replies

kyiv · 09/04/2022 18:41

And not want to do anything nice for anyone? I noticed this earlier today. I mean, I knew it already a bit, but it's become the default setting now. Maybe it's because it's been a damn hard couple of years and people constantly take the piss with my generosity or maybe it's because I'm 38 and haven't got the tolerance I once did, but I do wonder if IABU. I'm always the one people come to for help but there have been too many occasions in the last 18 months where I have been desperate for help and there has been silence from all quarters. Makes me want to set an auto reply to every text message and email, simply "Fuck off. Regards."

Earlier I was at a kids birthday party with one of mine. Saw a few folk I haven't seen since I was in school. A couple came up to me and did the standard "oh my god, it's been like 22 years, you haven't changed, what are you doing now" schtick and in my head I was groaning and thinking "just fuck off. Fuck off, fuck off." I went up to the parents bit to get a coffee and someone I've not said a word to in 22 years said "Ooh, Kyiv, would you mind grabbing me one? Milk, two sugars?" Yes. Yes I fucking would mind! What are you doing that's so important that you can't get your own drink? Did I say this? No. I did not. I wordlessly made the fucking drink. She said "thanks sweetie" and I immediately thought "oh, fuck off"

I see the neighbour coming to the door and I immediately think "fuck off." My phone rings and I think "fuck off" before I even see who it is and think it even harder if it's any of my kids schools. If the postman asks me to take in a neighbours parcel, I have to fight the urge to say No.

Am I now a mean spirited twat? AIBU?

OP posts:
BobbinThreadbare123 · 09/04/2022 18:45

Yep same. Someone will come along and tell you it's perimenopause. I can't say I disagree and I've decided to enjoy mine, after years of keeping my gob shut because I'm supposed to 'be nice'.

Indicatrice · 09/04/2022 18:47

YANBU, just start saying no. ‘Sorry, I have to make s call, could you grab your own please’.

DysmalRadius · 09/04/2022 18:51

Could you channel the 'fuck off' into a more socially acceptable equivalent so that you get to actually enact some of the off-fucking without making life difficult for yourself?

If someone asks you to make them a drink just don't - get yours, steer clear of them and they actually ask where it is vaguely say 'Oh, I forgot' with a shrug. Or say 'Oh no - I make a terrible cup of tea, I wouldn't subject you to it!' and just walk off?

I find that when I don't do things for people that are taking the piss, I actually enjoy doing things for people who aren't (e.g delivery people etc, so long as the neighbour doesn't piss me off of course!).

Original poster
kyiv · 09/04/2022 18:54

@DysmalRadius

Could you channel the 'fuck off' into a more socially acceptable equivalent so that you get to actually enact some of the off-fucking without making life difficult for yourself?

If someone asks you to make them a drink just don't - get yours, steer clear of them and they actually ask where it is vaguely say 'Oh, I forgot' with a shrug. Or say 'Oh no - I make a terrible cup of tea, I wouldn't subject you to it!' and just walk off?

I find that when I don't do things for people that are taking the piss, I actually enjoy doing things for people who aren't (e.g delivery people etc, so long as the neighbour doesn't piss me off of course!).

Interesting. I do feel that it's maybe because so much piss has been taken over the last couple of years and my very reasonable request for help in a very urgent situation going ignored has made me feel spiky toward going out of my way for anyone except those I love dearly. And honestly, even then it's 50/50 as to whether I resent it or not
OP posts:
romdowa · 09/04/2022 18:54

It's like you're in my head 🤣 I spend most days thinking will they /he/ she ever fuck /piss off. I'd love to say it put loud more as well 🤣🤣 but I'm just grumpy and have zero tolerance

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 09/04/2022 18:54

Ive started being very transactional. I'll do anyone a favour once, but nothing more until that favour is returned.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/04/2022 18:56

@BobbinThreadbare123

Yep same. Someone will come along and tell you it's perimenopause. I can't say I disagree and I've decided to enjoy mine, after years of keeping my gob shut because I'm supposed to 'be nice'.
And my automatic response to that level of misogyny - that having had enough of pisstaking tosspots who wouldn't piss on me if I were burning could only be due to my fading youth and slowly withering ovaries - is

FUCK OFF.

Silverclocks · 09/04/2022 18:56

Yes, that's my natural position too, but I actually find life is better when I train myself to be more positive and do favours for people without caring if they deserve it.

FOJN · 09/04/2022 18:57

No you are not a mean-spirited twat. Sounds like you have lots of responsibility and you're tired of being taken for granted. Learn to say no. It's not your job to solve everyone else's problems or make their lives easier and more comfortable at your own expense.

Someone will pop along to ask what harm there was in making a drink for someone because a woman saying no always needs to quantify harm or inconvenience, tell them to fuck off too.

Resenting being treated as everyone's support human is normal, channel those fuck off's into no's and watch how people can suddenly fend for themselves.

IWanderedLonely · 09/04/2022 18:57

YANBU. I'm 54 and have had a lifetime of being a doormat helping others at the expense of my own time and ultimately mental health.
Either menopause or just plain old getting older and wiser, but now( with the exception of my immediate family) they can all do one.

ZaraSizeMedium · 09/04/2022 18:57

@BobbinThreadbare123

Yep same. Someone will come along and tell you it's perimenopause. I can't say I disagree and I've decided to enjoy mine, after years of keeping my gob shut because I'm supposed to 'be nice'.
Grin

I'm nearly 44 and all of the fluffy nurturing 'be kind' hormones have definitely left the building, I'm becoming more and more assertive and enjoying it.

On that note, I've just informed DH that I've booked for the 3 of us (us and DS) to go out for dinner on Easter Sunday so he'll have to tell his family, who will no doubt be angling for an invite any time now, that they can fuck off it's unfortunately a no from me.

lemongreentea · 09/04/2022 18:57

Lol OP I totally get where you're coming from.

The key is to align your inner thoughts and feelings with your outer words and actions which will make you feel much better about things.

So no I can't, I make terrible coffee.

And no I don't take in neighbours parcels as I hate them/its too much of a hassle/they are nightmare neighbours.

Stop fighting the urge to say No and start fighting the urge to say Yes to things you really dont want to do.

WillYouDoTheFandango · 09/04/2022 18:57

I’m 38 too and I am so done with everyone and everything. All patience has been sucked out by lockdown. I spend my days singing Fuck you by Gayle in my head when people ask me for things.

I don’t do favours for people I don’t give a fuck about any more though. I just say no. It’s fantastic.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 09/04/2022 19:00

Oh god me too. I thought (and it's probably true) that I'm a right miserable cow Grin

Yirk · 09/04/2022 19:00

Its taken me a while to find my " fuck you" again, after being deserted by so called loved ones during and since lock down,

meloncolic · 09/04/2022 19:01

Oh gosh the fuck you song! IS SHE IN ALL OF OUR HEADS?!

And I felt a particular fuck off to all the radio stations refusing to play her when she was number one for weeks because she’s obviously not a massive star from a huge label so er… let’s have Ed sheeran with shivers, a song you’ll all have never have heard for weeks on end on repeat! Next up: Adele!

GET THE FUCK OFF SINGING LADY BACK ON THE PLAYLIST.

Crimesean · 09/04/2022 19:03

Yeah, I'm 37 and also think "fuck off!" at a lot of people. In my case it's coincided with peri-menopause, but j also think many 35+ women just have a greater bedrock of confidence than they did when they were younger, and are just more sure of themselves and their boundaries. It's a good thing! We put up with far less shit, and get more stuff done.

Aimee1987 · 09/04/2022 19:05

Yep

I think like you said comes with age and life being too busy to give a fuck about other

EarPlugAfficionado · 09/04/2022 19:08

When does premenopause start and what happens?

EarPlugAfficionado · 09/04/2022 19:08

*perimenopause

NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/04/2022 19:10

@EarPlugAfficionado

*perimenopause
When you stop confirming to the views of others of what you should do and aren't in the sweet spot of fuckability for men that means it can be dismissed as being 'on the blob' or 'due on', apparently.
NotADressPerson · 09/04/2022 19:12

I want to be your friend! I think the same. Often!

HardbackWriter · 09/04/2022 19:13

Clearly I am very much against the grain of the thread but I do think you sound pretty unreasonable! Sounds like you made yourself pretty miserable at that party for absolutely no reason. I mean, you could get bitter and resentful and furious about making someone else a coffee or you could spend literally 10 seconds doing it and move on with your life. It's up to you but being you sounds both miserable and exhausting and I find it hard to understand why other people are celebrating and applauding that.

NETSRIK · 09/04/2022 19:16

I can so relate to this OP. I've been a tolerant doormat all my life up until now (I'm 50) and now all I seem to do is see cheeky fuckery everywhere that I used to tolerate. I am constantly thinking Fuck Off in my head. Not even worried that one day I might just say it.

Musicandcheese · 09/04/2022 19:20

@HardbackWriter

Clearly I am very much against the grain of the thread but I do think you sound pretty unreasonable! Sounds like you made yourself pretty miserable at that party for absolutely no reason. I mean, you could get bitter and resentful and furious about making someone else a coffee or you could spend literally 10 seconds doing it and move on with your life. It's up to you but being you sounds both miserable and exhausting and I find it hard to understand why other people are celebrating and applauding that.
This.