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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To bring 3 month old baby to Trustee dinner?

332 replies

Twopandemicpregnancies · 09/04/2022 09:20

Have had 2 babies since pandemic and have hardly taken them anywhere so not sure what is normal / socially acceptable?

I am a Trustee for a charity and have been invited to a nice dinner in the evening at a restaurant private dining room in London when baby will be 3 months old. Haven’t seen the other Trustees for over 2 years due to pandemic so it would be good to catch up in person, but am exclusively breastfeeding and don’t often pump or have much of a milk stash in freezer, have never tried to give baby a bottle (all seems like quite a hassle compared to just feeding baby direct from breast). It is also about 1.5 hours door to door for me on public transport each way so overall I can’t leave the baby with DP for what will be around 5-6 hours in total (DP will be at home looking after toddler).

Would it be ridiculous to suggest that I bring the baby with me to the dinner? I obviously won’t totally enjoy the dinner (and will be a bit of a hassle on public transport as it is a 20 minute walk from the nearest step free access station to the restaurant) as I will be attending to the baby, feeding etc as well as talking to everyone and eating. I am torn between not letting people down by just not going (it is a farewell for the outgoing Chair and a couple of other trustees), or going with baby and potentially being a pain for the adults who might not want a baby there! (Most of them have children but most of the kids are older than mine and/or grown up).

The baby is pretty chill as babies go but also tends to cluster feed in the evenings so is unlikely just to sleep through the evening in her pram.

So I probably just need someone to tell me it’s a stupid idea but am genuinely torn, as a feminist in 2022, whether I should carry on my life where feasible with baby in tow, or just stay at home this year and resume things like evening dinners in 2023 when baby is no longer breastfeeding?

OP posts:
searchingforsomethiing · 09/04/2022 09:23

Sorry I don’t think that appropriate for an adult event

hattie43 · 09/04/2022 09:23

Yes YUABU but for understandable reasons .

Not good for the adults , you will be on edge and it's too long for baby to travel not be in bed .

fiorentina · 09/04/2022 09:25

If you did, I’d suggest DP comes with you and looks after baby nearby and if you need to feed you could pop out to do so? Otherwise this sounds very stressful.

Hersetta427 · 09/04/2022 09:25

Nope. This is a grown up dinner for grown ups. I would be extremely pissed off is someone did this at a dinner I was attending.

Coughee · 09/04/2022 09:28

If you're talking about a time in the future, can't you just try her in the odd bottle? Formula if you're struggling to pump but maybe you have time to build up a little stash? If that doesn't work then I would explain to whoever invited you that you can only come if you bring her but you understand if that's not appropriate.

LaurieFairyCake · 09/04/2022 09:29

What about all of you driving there? Toddler asleep/watching dvds in back of car - dad with baby watching a film too. You popping out when he texts you to feed?

Yes it's a pain for Dh but it could also be a bit of an adventure?

If you've money stay over in the very closest hotel and pop out to feed?

Buzztothemoon · 09/04/2022 09:30

I’d do it. I’m a trustee and it would probably be the highlight of the dinner for our board Grin - everyone would want a few cuddles… but you know your baby, cluster feeding aside are the chilled type that would happily be passed about while you eat, or do they get all tetchy & tired at that time of night?

Frenchie8690 · 09/04/2022 09:31

This is an adults only event. I'd be really understanding of you not being able to come with a 3 month old but shocked if you asked to bring the baby with you. Not appropriate at all

Lottapianos · 09/04/2022 09:32

'I would be extremely pissed off is someone did this at a dinner I was attending.'

Same here. It's an adult event. Completely inappropriate to even ask to bring the baby

ellenpartridge · 09/04/2022 09:32

In your shoes I would definitely just decline personally. Doesn't sound an enjoyable experience for you or the baby.

KosherDill · 09/04/2022 09:33

Not appropriate.

TrashyPanda · 09/04/2022 09:34

Totally inappropriate.
This is an adult event.
A baby would ruin things for everyone else.

SlashBeef · 09/04/2022 09:35

I wouldn't. I have 4 kids that I have breastfed so I do get the problem but sometimes you want to escape for adult time. I wouldn't want babies at an adult dinner.

Clymene · 09/04/2022 09:36

No, I would hate it if you brought your baby.

BattledoreAndShuttlecock · 09/04/2022 09:36

I wouldn't have a problem. I've been a trustee of a charity, and the annual dinner is a highlight. If the only way a committee member could attend would be by bringing her small baby then I'd be pleased to see the two of them.

Cluster feeding would be a PITA though. Would you be comfortable feeding throughout the evening in front of all your committee members?

pasturesgreen · 09/04/2022 09:36

Please don't ask if you can bring the baby as you'd put the others on the spot. It's an adult event, attending with a baby won't be fun for anyone, baby included.

Teeturtle · 09/04/2022 09:37

Totally inappropriate and selfish. This is an adult evening.

Bonheurdupasse · 09/04/2022 09:40

@TrashyPanda

Totally inappropriate. This is an adult event. A baby would ruin things for everyone else.
Agree with this.
Rumplestrumpet · 09/04/2022 09:40

I don't really understand why people would be so cross about the baby attending - obvs if it cried all night then yes but if the baby is likely to feed quietly and sleep then I don't see the issue.

If you Hut rally want to go then I would go ahead. Bail out early if it gets too much. But maybe you want an excuse not to attend? In which case you have a perfectly valid excuse to stay home in your PJs!

Flittingaboutagain · 09/04/2022 09:43

I wouldn't go OP. Extremely selective about the stress I put myself or my ebf baby through here still at 9 months old.

JennyForeigner · 09/04/2022 09:43

I had my twins in trustee meetings at three months. People love it - I felt like a minor celebrity.

I didn't do dinners though. Just felt it was too long, so I mixed up short visits with twins and longer remote stuff, also holding babies.

Could you take your baby for pre-dinner drinks, say hello and then gracefully bow out?

PonyPatter44 · 09/04/2022 09:43

If your baby is the whingy type whos going to cry and disrupt things, then I'd say no. If you have the sort if baby who will just feed and sleep (mine was like this), then go for it. Its a charity dinner, not a work meeting. The PM of NZ manages to lug her baby around to run the country, I am sure there are plenty of pearl-clutchers who feel this is "unsuitable and selfish " as well, but I think its proper feminism, actually.

quitefranklyabsurd · 09/04/2022 09:44

Yes! Do it! I remember taking my son to evening meetings I had to be at when he was tiny. And day time meetings as i returned earlier than planned. People really dont mind. I strangely found that the men where far more accommodating than the woman and people were quite pleased to see me.

I’m so bored of what’s appropriate and what’s not. It’s a dinner. If she starts screaming the place down then take her out but you will be fine. - You can always get a black cab from the station to the restaurant - i did that a couple of times as you can wheel the buggy on quite easily.

Find something glam and breastfeeding friendly to wear and you’ll be grand. Have lots of fun!

Apileofballyhoo · 09/04/2022 09:45

I wouldn't have a problem with you bringing baby or breastfeeding. But people can be horrible.

SherryPalmer · 09/04/2022 09:45

I think you should sit this one out. It sounds a nightmare with transport and you don’t even think you’re going to enjoy it.