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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To bring 3 month old baby to Trustee dinner?

332 replies

Twopandemicpregnancies · 09/04/2022 09:20

Have had 2 babies since pandemic and have hardly taken them anywhere so not sure what is normal / socially acceptable?

I am a Trustee for a charity and have been invited to a nice dinner in the evening at a restaurant private dining room in London when baby will be 3 months old. Haven’t seen the other Trustees for over 2 years due to pandemic so it would be good to catch up in person, but am exclusively breastfeeding and don’t often pump or have much of a milk stash in freezer, have never tried to give baby a bottle (all seems like quite a hassle compared to just feeding baby direct from breast). It is also about 1.5 hours door to door for me on public transport each way so overall I can’t leave the baby with DP for what will be around 5-6 hours in total (DP will be at home looking after toddler).

Would it be ridiculous to suggest that I bring the baby with me to the dinner? I obviously won’t totally enjoy the dinner (and will be a bit of a hassle on public transport as it is a 20 minute walk from the nearest step free access station to the restaurant) as I will be attending to the baby, feeding etc as well as talking to everyone and eating. I am torn between not letting people down by just not going (it is a farewell for the outgoing Chair and a couple of other trustees), or going with baby and potentially being a pain for the adults who might not want a baby there! (Most of them have children but most of the kids are older than mine and/or grown up).

The baby is pretty chill as babies go but also tends to cluster feed in the evenings so is unlikely just to sleep through the evening in her pram.

So I probably just need someone to tell me it’s a stupid idea but am genuinely torn, as a feminist in 2022, whether I should carry on my life where feasible with baby in tow, or just stay at home this year and resume things like evening dinners in 2023 when baby is no longer breastfeeding?

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 09/04/2022 10:43

When I say ‘anywhere’ I do mean anywhere that’s suitable for babies!

Teeturtle · 09/04/2022 10:43

@wejammin

I'm a trustee of a women's charity and was chair during 2 of my pregnancies - babies came to all meetings and events until 6 months, I delivered speeches at the AGM with babies strapped in the sling. No one batted an eye.
I bet they did.
Lockheart · 09/04/2022 10:44

For the sake of one evening, why don't you just build up a small stash of breast milk and get your baby used to taking a bottle so that DH can look after them that night?

A few hours of bottle feeding breast milk and then you can go straight back to your normal routine.

Original poster
Twopandemicpregnancies · 09/04/2022 10:44

Oh and baby doesn’t yet go down in cot around 7pm but feeds and naps on laps in the evening until 10 or 11pm. I guess I will start getting her into more of a proper bedtime routine over the next month or so if she seems ready for that

OP posts:
MoiraNotRuby · 09/04/2022 10:46

@Lockheart

For the sake of one evening, why don't you just build up a small stash of breast milk and get your baby used to taking a bottle so that DH can look after them that night?

A few hours of bottle feeding breast milk and then you can go straight back to your normal routine.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

So simple!

PowerhouseOfTheCell · 09/04/2022 10:50

Honestly people who say ‘oh I took my baby to a hen do, work review and skydiving and everyone loved seeing them’ are deluded. 99% if the time, no one actually wanted the baby there but were too polite to say

Original poster
Twopandemicpregnancies · 09/04/2022 10:51

@Lockheart I didn’t have much luck doing this with my first baby - she much preferred straight from the breast. There are so few occasions when I would want to be away from my baby that I am not sure it is worth the hassle for one night. I have no other evening occasions on the horizon planned this year. I just see friends and family in the daytime with one or both children. Happy for evening adult events to wait until next year.

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 09/04/2022 10:56

@IwaswhoIam

“A 3 month old breastfed poo barely smells . It doesn’t even smell like poo as you know it . It smells mild and sweet .”

Aye, shit is shit though at the end of the day. Not something you’d particularly want round the dinner table

gogohm · 09/04/2022 10:56

Just ask, I took mine

godmum56 · 09/04/2022 10:58

In principle why shouldn't you but in practice and using public transport, maybe very difficult especially if it would be the first time you have done anything similar. You will be quite a way from home and have a long journey if it goes tits up.

BoredZelda · 09/04/2022 11:02

Sorry I don’t think that appropriate for an adult event

I wouldn’t have thought it was appropriate for the baby. The adults don’t really factor it to it.

Loud and over stimulating.

Luredbyapomegranate · 09/04/2022 11:02

Express and leave the baby with your partner

You will have a better time and so will everyone else

It’s not about what’s appropriate it’s about what’s functional. Babies at work dinners aren’t functional.

You’ve been invited so you can give your attention to the other trustees, not deal with your baby.

If you didn’t have a partner it would be reasonable to expect people to suck it up, but you do so it isn’t.

BeepBoopBop · 09/04/2022 11:03

This thread! The vast majority say YABU (I agree). Those who say "do it, I did and everyone really, really enjoyed spending the evening with my baby and it was super wonderful...." just how oblivious are you 😂
Can think of nothing worse than spending an entire evening wearing a fixed smile at you and the baby.

BoredZelda · 09/04/2022 11:04

To those who suggested popping in or leaving early if baby doesn’t settle etc, if it was closer to home this would be an option but I have to commit to a 3 hour round journey.

Is the event in a hotel? If so, book a room and your husband comes too, then you pop up and feed when you need to. We did this for my BIL’s wedding, my mum came and babysat, I went to feed when required.

BoredZelda · 09/04/2022 11:05

Express and leave the baby with your partner

Wouldn’t have worked for us, my baby refused bottles at that point.

Karatema · 09/04/2022 11:05

We attended a dinner dance with my 8 week old! I was breast feeding. (My husband was being given an award). The reception staff looked after him (in his car seat) in their private room, (they offered, I hadn't asked). I had fed DS before I left home and he slept for 4 hours (I was very lucky). I popped out to check on him regularly. We left just before 11 and he started to reawaken just before we arrived home. I had to do a quick tour of the room with him before going home because most people knew I'd had a baby and they were surprised they'd not heard him scream during the evening!

You know your baby, if they are usually good then go for it!

IwaswhoIam · 09/04/2022 11:09

I’m loving hearing everyone’s ( strong ) opinions ! This is why I love YABU threads 😆

BoredZelda · 09/04/2022 11:11

The reception staff looked after him (in his car seat) in their private room, (they offered, I hadn't asked)

This is very unlikely to be an option.

Original poster
Twopandemicpregnancies · 09/04/2022 11:12

@BoredZelda no, it’s in a restaurant and it’s not that big a deal that I would want the expense and hassle of bringing the whole family (we have a toddler too) and overnighting in a hotel. I will sit this one out

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 09/04/2022 11:20

Happy for evening adult events to wait until next year.
and this isn't an "evening adult event"?

Would have generaly thought inappropriate - unless it's a charity aimed at child beneficiaries.

airrrrAIRRRRiELLLL · 09/04/2022 11:20

All into a nearby hotel then if baby is really unsettled you can pop out for half an hour. Worth trying to express one feed? Definitely don't consider taking the baby to the dinner.

FlippityFlippityFlop · 09/04/2022 11:22

I would. The baby is 3 months - not 3 years. I would probably say that 6 months is the cut off for this. I know its not quite the same but I went to a Christmas dinner with my 2 month old ebf baby. They sleep a lot at that age, and as others have said everyone loved having a bit of a cuddle. I have also been to events pre baby where other new mother's have bought their baby. Obviously - you are ready to leave if they start playing up and your not going to stay until 1am.

You know your baby - if you think they will be chilled then it's fine. I had some of those extra large muslins - no one batted an eyelid or even noticed I was breastfeeding (v-neck easy access dress)

bluebaul · 09/04/2022 11:26

The PM of NZ manages to lug her baby around to run the country, I am sure there are plenty of pearl-clutchers who feel this is "unsuitable and selfish " as well, but I think its proper feminism, actually.

I would like to know how taking the baby everywhere and doing everything for said can be framed as feminism. Surely that's the opposite?

alltheteeshirts · 09/04/2022 11:26

I was going to say it was wholly inappropriate, then you said what the charity does. I think that makes a huge difference to what is acceptable.

StageRage · 09/04/2022 11:28

As CEO and Chair respectively I addressed 2 AGM’s (with attendant dinners) with a babe in arms, including breastfeeding during the meeting. Babe was asleep and quiet the rest of the time.

If your baby is chilled and will sleep, go. Ask in advance for a corner table and put baby in corner next to you. Discreetly and quickly go out if baby cries

I had a lightweight but lie-flat pushchair (McClaren) that I could carry up tune steps with babe in, though someone always helped.

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