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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mum spanked DD whilst I'm in hospital

516 replies

wantthisbabyout · 08/04/2022 22:43

Currently in hospital after my c-section apologies if this is all over the place as I'm half asleep!

Mum stayed over last night and complained this morning that she hadn't slept all night. We left at 6:45 this morning and she was up. She also said yesterday that she wishes my kids were "normal"

I FaceTimed her today with the kids and DD was upset saying grandma hurt me and my mum said oh it's ok it was only a little spank on the hand as she hasn't been listening.

My DD is the sweetest little girl ever, yes she is very stubborn but you just need to have patience with her.

AIBU to feel like my mum has just lost her temper and probably felt a bit angry and spanked her? I feel so upset about anyone touching my kids.

DH has just popped home now to get some sleepsuits but I dare not tell him because he will be so angry.

OP posts:
2pinkginsplease · 08/04/2022 22:45

I would be so angry too. If either of our mums did this there is no way they would ever be allowed unsupervised access ever again

Their is no excuse to hit another person.

2pinkginsplease · 08/04/2022 22:45

There not their.

thenewduchessoflapland · 08/04/2022 22:47

You're down playing this;your mother hit your child.Your mother is trying to brush it off;it hurt your child and most likely frightened them.Why are you withholding this information from your child's father?;he has a right to know and yes if he's angry he has a right to be.Why are you not angry?

I wouldn't leave your child alone with that woman again.

YerAWizardHarry · 08/04/2022 22:48

I’d be fuming is anyone lay a finger on my child, grandmother or not, “tap on the hand” or full on spank. Not acceptable.

Greensleeves · 08/04/2022 22:50

Your DH has a right to know this information. Any decisions made on the basis of this incident need to be made as a couple.

If it was our family, both of us would be furious and she wouldn't be seeing the kids again unless she genuinely showed that she understood how serious a fuck-up this was, and regretted it. She certainly wouldn't be in sole charge again. Hitting a child is a never-event as far as I'm concerned.

biggreenhouse · 08/04/2022 22:50

you know what your own mum is like. is she abusive or not?

Deereemer · 08/04/2022 22:50

Smacking needs to be against the law. Completely unacceptable.

Teacupsandtoast · 08/04/2022 22:51

I'd be unleashing holy hell....your mother has stepped over a line that she cant really cross back from

LoveSpringDaffs · 08/04/2022 22:54

@thenewduchessoflapland

You're down playing this;your mother hit your child.Your mother is trying to brush it off;it hurt your child and most likely frightened them.Why are you withholding this information from your child's father?;he has a right to know and yes if he's angry he has a right to be.Why are you not angry?

I wouldn't leave your child alone with that woman again.

'That woman' it's her mum. She smacked the child's hand, she didn't throw her onto the motorway too play. Get a grip FFS
DropYourSword · 08/04/2022 22:54

DH has just popped home now to get some sleepsuits but I dare not tell him because he will be so angry.

He has every right to be!

She also said yesterday that she wishes my kids were "normal"

Unless this is some sort of family joke that we have no context for - if she meant it exactly at face value this is awful and really bloody hurtful. Even before her hitting your daughter this in itself is just plain nasty.

Original poster
wantthisbabyout · 08/04/2022 22:54

No never abusive fantastic mum to me
And my brothers. however have noticed since she has gotten older she's lost her mojo with kids and lacks patience.

I will tell DH when he is back I just didn't want him to go back and start with her when I'm not there.

OP posts:
CrowAndABut · 08/04/2022 22:55

I don't hit my children. If anyone else did, they would never look after my children again.

Mummy1608 · 08/04/2022 22:56

I'm so sorry this happened when youve just had your c section. That was the most vulnerable time of my whole life.

But. Don't hide this from your dh.

If my MIL did this (tbf she would never) and DH hid it from me it would seriously damage my relationship with both of them.

Your dd will be fine but it's the principle. She should never be left with her again. It's one "little smack" today but could be a big smack next time

Greensleeves · 08/04/2022 22:56

@wantthisbabyout

No never abusive fantastic mum to me And my brothers. however have noticed since she has gotten older she's lost her mojo with kids and lacks patience.

I will tell DH when he is back I just didn't want him to go back and start with her when I'm not there.

From this update, I'd rule out any unsupervised contact. You can't have confidence that she won't do it again.

The "normal" comment is completely unacceptable as well. She doesn't sound like a particularly pleasant grandmother.

LoveSpringDaffs · 08/04/2022 22:57

Oh for the love of god, she smacked her hand, what a lot of OTT drama winding the OP up.

@wantthisbabyout. Ignore all the absolute bollocjs about not letting your mum nest the kids sgain. She smacked her hand. It's really not the end if the works, just ask her not to do it again if you're that bothered by it.

stimpyyouidiot · 08/04/2022 22:57

Tell your dh

Snaketime · 08/04/2022 22:57

My DF did this to my DD and I hit the roof, we got in a massive fight which ended with him telling me to fuck off, so I did. My DM then also had words with him. Once we had all calmed down me and him talked I explained to him that it was child abuse and he could end up getting the kids taken away doing things like that and that he needs to stop expecting my DD to be like a normal child because she isn't a normal child (we suspected SEN at that point and she has since been diagnosed). His response was that she can't just get away with things she has to learn 🙄 I just told him that fear isn't the way to teach them and taught him how to do the naughty step method, which really works well for my DD and he has never done it again.

KitKattaktik · 08/04/2022 22:58

My dad spanked me. Even when it wasn't my fault, he spanked us hard. Irrespective of who's fault it was.

stimpyyouidiot · 08/04/2022 22:58

You do not hit children. You DEFINITELY do not hit other peoples children. No justification whatsoever.

Travelwiththree · 08/04/2022 23:00

It's against the law in Wales to smack a child, it should be everywhere. You are obviously need her to stay with your child at the moment, but I think you need to reconsider leaving your children alone with your mum if she doesn't respect your parenting choices.

zoemum2006 · 08/04/2022 23:00

My mother would have no further unsupervised contact with my child and if she stripped about it she’d never see either of us again.

If I don’t smack my kids, their grandparent certainly won’t!!

My mum is a PITA but she adores her grandkids.

Snaketime · 08/04/2022 23:00

Also OPy DF was just like your mum, a fantastic father, never abusive, just lost a lot of patience since he got older and the whole in my day bollocks. Luckily as stubborn as he is I managed to get through to him on this subject, mostly because he adores his grandkids.

zoemum2006 · 08/04/2022 23:01

Stropped!

Sunnytwobridges · 08/04/2022 23:03

@LoveSpringDaffs

Oh for the love of god, she smacked her hand, what a lot of OTT drama winding the OP up.

@wantthisbabyout. Ignore all the absolute bollocjs about not letting your mum nest the kids sgain. She smacked her hand. It's really not the end if the works, just ask her not to do it again if you're that bothered by it.

I agree. It’s ridiculous. I thought I was going to read she flipped her across her knee and whacked her.

Just talk to your DM and let her know it’s not acceptable.

HardRockOwl · 08/04/2022 23:05

Spanked? I always associate that word with fetishists.

So she was always a fantastic mother to you and smacked your daughters hand?

Ridiculous overreaction. On your part.

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