Mum spanked DD whilst I'm in hospital

[wantthisbabyout]

Currently in hospital after my c-section apologies if this is all over the place as I'm half asleep!

Mum stayed over last night and complained this morning that she hadn't slept all night. We left at 6:45 this morning and she was up. She also said yesterday that she wishes my kids were "normal"

I FaceTimed her today with the kids and DD was upset saying grandma hurt me and my mum said oh it's ok it was only a little spank on the hand as she hasn't been listening.

My DD is the sweetest little girl ever, yes she is very stubborn but you just need to have patience with her.

AIBU to feel like my mum has just lost her temper and probably felt a bit angry and spanked her? I feel so upset about anyone touching my kids.

DH has just popped home now to get some sleepsuits but I dare not tell him because he will be so angry.

Your poor bairn. Not only is she away from her mummy she's scared. I wouldn't let dm be alone with dcs.

Smacking is illegal where i love but even so i would be fuming if anyone physically punished my children.

@LoveSpringDaffs I agree!

OP if you’re upset just say to her that you’d rather she didn’t do that. The way you’d written it I thought she’d been properly smacked across her backside.

A lot of hysteria on this thread.

I'm not sure a small slap on the hand is "a spanking" and, when my children were small that was considered completely acceptable.
Having said that, I would never dream of even tapping any of my grandchildren as I know times have changed and their parents wouldn't think it ok.

Did you ever have a conversation with your mum about smacking/spanking?

My parents were born in the early 50s, where corporal punishment was allowed in schools, and when we were young, they certainly believed smacking and spanking were perfectly fine forms of discipline. I have had to say, in clear terms, that I do not consider hitting acceptable.

I do see why you'd feel very strongly about this (and believe me, I do too!). But I think if it's legal to smack a child where you are, and it was legal when you were a child, then it's not totally unreasonable to find you need to update your parents on the law (ideally before they grandparent takes charge of the child).

Also agree that a smack/tap on the hand isn't a spanking.
There's full on hysteria on this thread.
Tell her you don't want her to do it again and that's the end of it.

What a ridiculous drama over very little. Your mother smacked your daughter's hand, she didn't actually spank her. A sense of proportion is needed here. You are overreacting.

Well, I'd be sending my DH home to take over from DM immediately. She is clearly finding it difficult.

I'd then speak to DM when you're home and make it clear that it's not acceptable.

@Travelwiththree

It's against the law in Wales to smack a child, it should be everywhere. You are obviously need her to stay with your child at the moment, but I think you need to reconsider leaving your children alone with your mum if she doesn't respect your parenting choices.

It's not automatic that OP need her to stay, she may need her there or she may prefer her DH to be at home looking after the DC. I know Id personally chose the later. I've had c-sections and coped without DH in hospital. I would be furious if DH hid this from me even for a couple of hours, he has a right to know straight away and you need to discuss your options if he's not comfortable with his MIL being at home alone with DC now. Not sure with covid rules if DM could be your visitor/support person instead or if he could stay at the house till DC are asleep then come and stay with you and go back for breakfast.

Sorry no, grandparents hitting grandkids isn’t normal.

My parents threatened me with a smack when I was a child but they wouldn’t dream of hitting my kids or threaten it. The relationship isn’t one of discipline.

My Nan never hit me in the 1980s and she was a woman who properly walloped her 8 kids.

@TheRealistBub

WTF???

I did smack my children when they were growing up.

I've never (and would never) smack my DGC.

Times have changed.

How long before this thread ends up deleted??

@TheRealistBub

Wow. this thread is getting out of hand fast

Oh the humanity

Oh indeed.

On one side there are people who reasonably think it's not ok to smack a child.

On the other there are people who feel it is somehow necessary to have a word with grandparents to inform them they shouldn't hit their child.

It's BAFFLING to me that anyone feels that is a conversation that should be necessary! My own DM has just stayed with me for a month, and helped out with my son. Not once did I have to remind her not to hit my child. It's a fucking given.

My daughter's MIL didn't see our mutual grandchildren for years after she slapped our mutual autistic grandson - and even then, she hasn't seen him unsupervised to this day.
YABU if you think it's reasonable for an adult to hit a child because they've lost their temper.

Speedy recovery op.
I'm in the its not okay to smack kids camp, however some of the responses are hysterical. Was it a tap on the hand or did she leave a mark?
Just make sure your mum knows that its 2022 and we don't do smacking any more.

Tell your husband that he should be at home with the kids because your mum isn't really coping. Set firm boundaries for future. Keep it in perspective, she's a different generation and she didn't exactly batter her. It's not acceptable but it's not worth some of the OTT responses on here.

I wouldn’t be bothered by a smack on the hand

@LoveSpringDaffs

Oh for the love of god, she smacked her hand, what a lot of OTT drama winding the OP up.

@wantthisbabyout. Ignore all the absolute bollocjs about not letting your mum nest the kids sgain. She smacked her hand. It's really not the end if the works, just ask her not to do it again if you're that bothered by it.

Would it be acceptable if, say, OP smacked her mother? Because it would be criminal assault, you know. The fact that the person smacked was a small child does not make it any better.

Loving all these people who think that the whole problem will be resolved by telling grandma not to do it again. Because of course there is no possibility that grandma will decide to ignore it because she knows best.

One smack on the hand was certainly wrong but please don’t panic about it.

Explain to your mother that now no one thinks that is ok ( it is against the law), even if it was once common place, and that it must never happen again.

And make sure she says how sorry she is to DD who must feel very hurt.

She may be getting too old to look after the children for any length of time.