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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mum spanked DD whilst I'm in hospital

516 replies

wantthisbabyout · 08/04/2022 22:43

Currently in hospital after my c-section apologies if this is all over the place as I'm half asleep!

Mum stayed over last night and complained this morning that she hadn't slept all night. We left at 6:45 this morning and she was up. She also said yesterday that she wishes my kids were "normal"

I FaceTimed her today with the kids and DD was upset saying grandma hurt me and my mum said oh it's ok it was only a little spank on the hand as she hasn't been listening.

My DD is the sweetest little girl ever, yes she is very stubborn but you just need to have patience with her.

AIBU to feel like my mum has just lost her temper and probably felt a bit angry and spanked her? I feel so upset about anyone touching my kids.

DH has just popped home now to get some sleepsuits but I dare not tell him because he will be so angry.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 10/04/2022 19:13

Why did you call her a bitch?

LagunaBubbles · 10/04/2022 19:43

Smacking needs to be against the law. Completely unacceptable

It is against tge law in Scotlamd.

Whatsmyname100 · 10/04/2022 19:54

@Musicandcheese

What a ridiculous drama over very little. Your mother smacked your daughter's hand, she didn't actually spank her. A sense of proportion is needed here. You are overreacting.
Exactly. You also say she is very stubborn and that can be really irritating.
worriedatthistime · 10/04/2022 20:15

@Pumperthepumper the person is telling you they felt they deserved the punishment at the time
Thats their choice you may not agree and you may be against smacking but some people aren't and that are entitled to that view
Its not something I did with mine but I did grow up around many who did
Some parents def went to far but it was a punishment used years ago
My own parents maybe smacked is 3 times , i don't personally remember any occasion only what I have been told so I accept that my parents did what they thought was right at that time or in the situatuon

worriedatthistime · 10/04/2022 20:16

@Nennypops it wasn't exactly an insult to say someone is clueless about a situation i was talking about that they basically say wouldn't of happened

worriedatthistime · 10/04/2022 20:22

@Nennypops also i was called cold and intolerant by the same person but that is ok
I don't even think smacking is a solution but I do think some of the reactions on here are over the top and two grown adults could talk about the situation before banning all contact etc

Randomname85 · 10/04/2022 20:27

I would be raging.

Pumperthepumper · 10/04/2022 20:34

[quote worriedatthistime]@Pumperthepumper the person is telling you they felt they deserved the punishment at the time
Thats their choice you may not agree and you may be against smacking but some people aren't and that are entitled to that view
Its not something I did with mine but I did grow up around many who did
Some parents def went to far but it was a punishment used years ago
My own parents maybe smacked is 3 times , i don't personally remember any occasion only what I have been told so I accept that my parents did what they thought was right at that time or in the situatuon[/quote]
No, I absolutely can say a child, any child, does not deserve to be hit.

Pumperthepumper · 10/04/2022 20:34

[quote worriedatthistime]@Nennypops also i was called cold and intolerant by the same person but that is ok
I don't even think smacking is a solution but I do think some of the reactions on here are over the top and two grown adults could talk about the situation before banning all contact etc
[/quote]
After you called me clueless.

worriedatthistime · 10/04/2022 20:35

@Pumperthepumper you can think that and say it but its not your call at the end of the day , you don't get to judge another parent
Also we are talking a while ago when it was very much the norm

Pumperthepumper · 10/04/2022 20:36

[quote worriedatthistime]@Pumperthepumper you can think that and say it but its not your call at the end of the day , you don't get to judge another parent
Also we are talking a while ago when it was very much the norm[/quote]
I am saying it though. No child deserves to be hit, and hitting a child is shitty parenting.

worriedatthistime · 10/04/2022 20:37

@Pumperthepumper wel the clueless wasn't at you as a person it was meant to be about the situation I was talking about of how some kids behave and an incident i referred to which I wrongly thought you were saying couldn't of happened
So i apologise if it came of incorrectly
We have different views though but agree that smacking is not the way

worriedatthistime · 10/04/2022 20:38

@Pumperthepumper say it but again you don't have a right go judge how others parent
Some may not agree with your methods ,
I don't agree on calling people shitty parents without all the facts

Pumperthepumper · 10/04/2022 20:39

[quote worriedatthistime]@Pumperthepumper say it but again you don't have a right go judge how others parent
Some may not agree with your methods ,
I don't agree on calling people shitty parents without all the facts [/quote]
Yes I do, I absolutely can judge assaulting a child.

worriedatthistime · 10/04/2022 20:42

@Pumperthepumper some parents need help and support of how to manage situations as wel
If you know only one way to parent then help is sometimes needed , other methods explained
What works for one doesn't work for another .
One of my sons the naughty step worked the other waste of time so different methods ( not hitting ) some parents need help finding the solutions is all I am saying

Pumperthepumper · 10/04/2022 20:50

[quote worriedatthistime]@Pumperthepumper some parents need help and support of how to manage situations as wel
If you know only one way to parent then help is sometimes needed , other methods explained
What works for one doesn't work for another .
One of my sons the naughty step worked the other waste of time so different methods ( not hitting ) some parents need help finding the solutions is all I am saying [/quote]
Absolutely, but that doesn’t change the fact that hitting a kid is shitty parenting. That’s why they need help.

chaosrabbitland · 10/04/2022 21:33

@Pumperthepumper

Why did you call her a bitch?
because she wanted me to do my homework and i wanted to go out with my friend and play , it was i remember the about the umpteenth dozen time she had asked me and id made up excuses as i hated having to do it
Pumperthepumper · 10/04/2022 21:37

Why did you hate having to do it?

LizzieW1969 · 10/04/2022 21:39

I think it’s understandable that some posters are defensive when you speak about smacking as ‘shitty parenting’, because they have good relationships with their parents and they therefore feel the need to defend them.

In my case, my DM herself now admits that she and my F were wrong to smack us. I therefore don’t feel the need to defend her, as she would agree that her parenting was shitty in that way.

The most damaging consequence of the smacking was that it meant that my DSis and I didn’t feel able to tell her about the sexual abuse that was also going on for my DSis and me at the hands of our F. Because we didn’t have the confidence that she would protect us from him.

chaosrabbitland · 10/04/2022 23:21

@Pumperthepumper

Why did you hate having to do it?
because i hated school in general , it was boring and a waste of my time , when i could have been dossing about doing something else , i used to wonder what on earth i was there for learning all that meaningless crap . homework was another extenstion of that . ironically my mum was most times very soft with me and i used to get away with having more than a few sick days and was my parents attendance up at the school for my disobediant behaviour there was required more than once too , ironically my mum was the loving soft one , my dad was hard as nails with a heart of stone . if it had been down to him id have been getting fucking thrashed never mind a mild spanking lol . one of the reasons of their eventual divorce was his disagrement over what he regarded as her soft parenting of me as he felt i needed to be dealt with a lot more firmly lol , needless to say i went to live with her and not him !
Pumperthepumper · 10/04/2022 23:23

So if you were unhappy at school, did your mum hitting you over homework make that any better?

Nennypops · 11/04/2022 00:08

[quote worriedatthistime]@Nennypops it wasn't exactly an insult to say someone is clueless about a situation i was talking about that they basically say wouldn't of happened
[/quote]
You have read MN's post opt there about personal attacks, haven't you?

Nennypops · 11/04/2022 00:09

no i really did i was shouting at her and called her a bitch , im glad she did raise me the way she did as i grew up to respect her and others unlike a lot of kids today . its not for nothing that many of the old generation complain about the terrible behaviour of kids today and the fact they talk to their parents like shit

And yet so many children (mine included) manage to grow up without ever calling their mothers bitches despite the fact that their mothers don't hit them.

Nennypops · 11/04/2022 00:11

[quote worriedatthistime]@Pumperthepumper you can think that and say it but its not your call at the end of the day , you don't get to judge another parent
Also we are talking a while ago when it was very much the norm[/quote]
The fact that something was the norm doesn't make it right. When we had slavery and torture, they were the norm, after all.

Nennypops · 11/04/2022 00:15

[quote worriedatthistime]@Pumperthepumper say it but again you don't have a right go judge how others parent
Some may not agree with your methods ,
I don't agree on calling people shitty parents without all the facts [/quote]
It is always shitty parenting to hit children, with the one very occasional exception of using force to get them out of the way of danger.

Most adults manage to restrain themselves from hitting other adults or other people's children, no matter how annoying their behaviour might be. So why shouldn't they restrain themselves when it comes to hitting their own children?