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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Date night cancelled. DH needs to sleep.

224 replies

mag2305 · 08/04/2022 16:28

DH and I haven't been out for absolutely ages, just the two of us. We have a 3 year old and 9 month old. Both sets of grandparents have kindly offered to look after a grandchild each today (both together is quite a lot). So we had the opportunity from this afternoon until this evening to go out and do something. However, my dh is currently asleep as that's what he's chosen to do with this time. I feel like I'm stuck in the house so much, I just want to get out. Feel a bit upset and disappointed by DH (AIBU?) but it's his choice. So what can I do on my own this evening that won't look like I'm a sad loner, lol! Any ideas?
I don't want to waste this evening. Unfortunately, being last minute, my friends have other plans otherwise I would have seen one of them.

OP posts:

LBFseBrom · 09/04/2022 01:07

@arethereanyleftatall

I'm horrified at those suggesting wake him up! What a horrible thing to do! Why does what you want to do, trump what he wants to do?

I agree. I also would have preferred to sleep if I had the opportunity though maybe later on would have gone for a meal or something. Sleep was always a priority, any time of the day or night.

However the point is the op and her husband had intended to make today a 'date', therefore I hope he woke refreshed, in time for you to do something together. Otherwise you could have gone somewhere on your own.

oakleaffy · 09/04/2022 01:34

@mag2305

Just a bit of extra context, DH works in a school (school hols at the mo) so the tiredness isn't work related. He claims it's because of getting up at 6/7am all this week with our 3 year old. The problem is when he gets overtired, it really effects his mood, like depression. So he gets grumpy and has no motivation. Annoyingly he's been fine all this week until today, our one opportunity to go out!

Ugh! Reminds me of my ex husband, who would sure as eggs is eggs , try to sabotage an arrangement like this. In retrospect, passive aggression. Ex used to say he’d rather be ill than tired.

Hope you worked something out.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 09/04/2022 02:03

Ah - so he's a moody bollox.
And a grump.

How depressed is depressed? Has he seen a doctor and does he have a diagnosis?

Is he controlling in other ways?

I'd give him another 30 minutes.
Then I would gently wake him and say he can come with or sleep on. That's up to him.

Either way, I would be out enjoying a great meal, cinema, drinks.
Would consider booking in to a hotel for the night too.

Sunnytwobridges · 09/04/2022 03:05

I don’t think it’s a waste of babysitters at all. She gets to have some child free time regardless if it’s at home or out. I would be happy about that regardless.

SusieQ5604 · 09/04/2022 04:02

This makes me glad I'm not married anymore. Just this week I had supper out alone because I fancied a steak at my favorite restaurant and I took a book and had a great martini. FTFS. I wouldn't wake him up, I'd just go enjoy myself!!!!

thingymaboob · 09/04/2022 04:13

To be able to sleep without the threat of being disturbed by a child is a precious thing.

EdgyNeonAnt · 09/04/2022 06:45

@thingymaboob

To be able to sleep without the threat of being disturbed by a child is a precious thing.

I agree with this! I haven't been at work all week, but if we somehow ended up with a childfree evening today I'd 100% be having an early night and an undisturbed sleep, we'd both look forward to it!

Ivyonafence · 09/04/2022 06:48

I hope you got dressed up and went out by yourself OP.

I'd rather be by myself than with a grump

OutingHobby · 09/04/2022 06:50

How are you this morning OP? Nursing a hangover from a great night out?

DropYourSword · 09/04/2022 06:58

@Shoxfordian

Wake him up so you can do something Is he usually this disinterested in time with you?

Vimto1991 · 09/04/2022 07:07

Had you discussed going out or was that plan in your head? Maybe DH didn’t realise? If he did, maybe he planned a little nap beforehand, otherwise - I hope you woke him up!!

If not? Hope you had a good night regardless. :)

dottydodah · 09/04/2022 07:12

Did you go out in the end? I think I would be having words in future .You are a couple . Whats the point of that if he wont go anywhere ."Plenty of time to sleep when youre dead " as my friend would say!

Seabreeze18 · 09/04/2022 07:30

Well I am assuming he woke up and u went on to enjoy yourselves as otherwise u would have updated the post? Keeping fingers crossed u had a fab time!

Wingingit15 · 09/04/2022 08:09

@dottydodah

My lord. Can couples not do anything separately ?!

MichelleScarn · 09/04/2022 08:49

@dottydodah

so because they have a few hours child free, he's knackered so chooses to sleep and that now = 'he won't go anywhere'?..

GoodSoup · 09/04/2022 12:57

My lord. Can couples not do anything separately?!

Surely as a couple you have the chance to do something separately all the time? But rarely together. Else why bother getting childcare.

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/04/2022 13:22

@mag2305 what happened last night

Did you wake and go out together

LittleBearPad · 09/04/2022 13:25

@GoodSoup

My lord. Can couples not do anything separately?!

Surely as a couple you have the chance to do something separately all the time? But rarely together. Else why bother getting childcare.

This is the point! DH and I haven’t been to the cinema together for a decade. We rarely get to go out for dinner - just us.

We can go out without the other one easily but mad as it seems (and don’t tell him) I actually like going out just the two of us to drink cocktails and eat lovely food that doesn’t come with an activity sheet.

BoredZelda · 09/04/2022 13:26

9 pages of people debating and we still don’t know how OP spent her evening.

LagunaBubbles · 09/04/2022 13:34

expect he gets to go out to work everyday, and out with his mates when it suits and leaves you with all the childcare.... they don't get how isolating small kids can be

And you know this how?

lap90 · 09/04/2022 14:26

Doesn't sound like you had much of a #datenight plan to start with.

Sexnotgender · 09/04/2022 14:29

Hope you went out on your own and had a lovely time.

gannett · 09/04/2022 16:06

@BoredZelda

9 pages of people debating and we still don’t know how OP spent her evening.

I hope her absence means that not only did they go out eventually but maybe they are STILL out, absolutely larging it at an all-nighter.

Pinotwoman82 · 09/04/2022 16:20

Just read all this, and really hoping you both got to go out. You wouldn’t want him sleeping for to long anyway as then he’d be wide awake when it is time to go to sleep

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