Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Date night cancelled. DH needs to sleep.

224 replies

mag2305 · 08/04/2022 16:28

DH and I haven't been out for absolutely ages, just the two of us. We have a 3 year old and 9 month old. Both sets of grandparents have kindly offered to look after a grandchild each today (both together is quite a lot). So we had the opportunity from this afternoon until this evening to go out and do something. However, my dh is currently asleep as that's what he's chosen to do with this time. I feel like I'm stuck in the house so much, I just want to get out. Feel a bit upset and disappointed by DH (AIBU?) but it's his choice. So what can I do on my own this evening that won't look like I'm a sad loner, lol! Any ideas?
I don't want to waste this evening. Unfortunately, being last minute, my friends have other plans otherwise I would have seen one of them.

OP posts:
Doggirl · 08/04/2022 17:30

I would go to a Thai or Japanese restaurant by myself because DH doesn’t like Thai or Japanese food. Then I would buy a massive bag of sweets and a little screw top bottle of wine and go to see something at the cinema that DH would have no interest in watching.

Yeah, something like that. Whenever I'm by myself I choose cuisine that DH has no interest in.

Rememberitwell · 08/04/2022 17:30

Can’t you just go to the local pub for a few drinks?

TokyoTen · 08/04/2022 17:32

Go out without him and enjoy!

Flyinggeese1234 · 08/04/2022 17:34

@mag2305 did you make any plans, e.g. dinner at a particular time? If not he possibly thought the night was free to do whatever.

Did he say anything before going to bed, e.g. I’m off for a nap see you later’? Or ‘I’m off for an early night, see you in the morning’s

Keeponmoving2213 · 08/04/2022 17:34

Had anything actually been arranged? A restaurant reservation? No mention in op so presuming not. Presumably if no plan had been made, and he was tired, he just dozed off thinking that it was a nice opportunity to because he didn’t need to be anywhere.

Yes disappointing for you. But if you’d wanted to go out… you should have booked or looked in to something.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/04/2022 17:34

Sounds like you both need a rest. Let him sleep and have a glass of wine. Have a bath. Just chill.

Useranon1 · 08/04/2022 17:34

Has he 'decided he wants to spend his free time asleep'? Or has he just fallen asleep? If former go do something fun. If letter just wake him up and ask him to do something!

Brefugee · 08/04/2022 17:36

meh for me it depends if you have plans,
but go for food and a film - you don't need him for that.

In his shoes if you woke me and didn't have any need to - or we didn't have plans I'd be really grumpy and not someone you'd want to go out with anyway.

BoodleBug51 · 08/04/2022 17:38

I'd be fuming OP. He sounds utterly selfish.

Get changed, and go on out. Leave him to sleep.

GreyCarpet · 08/04/2022 17:38

I'd find a local music pub and go and see a band.

BeeDavis · 08/04/2022 17:39

Jesus christ the poor man is just having a nap because the children are with GPs and according to everyone on here he’s completely selfish and OP should divorce him 😅 absolutely hilarious!! Poor guy.

oviraptor21 · 08/04/2022 17:40

I'd be fuming too.
If childcare is a rarity he should damn well be making an effort to make the most of it. It's not even like he has to get into work tomorrow.
I'd be torn between waking him up (although surely with an afternoon nap he should be OK for the evening) and buggering off without him to somewhere where he would want to go so he realises what he missed out on.
Then work on a really clearly laid down division of responsibilities and rest times so that he can't disengage at his whim.

OutingHobby · 08/04/2022 17:41

@UniBallEye

oh come on to those saying let him sleep - surely he can have a nap when the kids are there? This is a RARE opportunity for the two of them to spend time together child free! OP go up and get into bed and cuddle up with him - have some lovely uninterrupted, relaxed sex and then go out for a drink / dinner. It will do wonders for reminding you that you are first and foremost a couple and not just parents. I found carving out the time to be able to do stuff like that was really important when dc were small. It literally made me feel human again, like the 'old me / us'

Hope you have a lovely evening together!

Don't wake him up because you want sex! If my OH did that when we had a rare moment to catch up on some zs I would not be pleased.
GeneLovesJezebel · 08/04/2022 17:43

He should have taken you out for lunch and then home for an afternoon shag. How disappointing,

Wingingthis · 08/04/2022 17:43

Tbh I’d probably take the chance to sleep too! He must be exhausted poor man!!! Just wake him and say do you want to sleep or shall I book somewhere for dinner

HollowTalk · 08/04/2022 17:44

How long is this overworked man likely to sleep for?

BellePeppa · 08/04/2022 17:44

@Rememberitwell

Can’t you just go to the local pub for a few drinks?
That’s probably the last thing I’d ever want to do on my own 😬
Wnkingawalrus · 08/04/2022 17:44

This sounds like my idea of heaven! I’d love a night out by myself! I’d go to a restaurant where I can sit at the counter. And I’d take my kindle, maybe the time crossword.

Rock n roll.

BluebellCockleshell123 · 08/04/2022 17:47

Hopefully he’s just having a nap and will want to go out later. Sleep deprivation is so awful for everyone!

If he doesn’t want to go out though don’t let that put you off enjoying yourself! I’d totally recommend going to see this movie either with him or on your own:

amp.theguardian.com/film/2022/mar/27/the-worst-person-in-the-world-a-mesmerising-heroine-for-our-times

SmellyOldOwls · 08/04/2022 17:49

@OutingHobby never known a man to be displeased to be woken up for sex and a dinner out tbh!

butterpuffed · 08/04/2022 17:50

Has he actually told you he'll be sleeping from late afternoon till the morning or are you just assuming this, OP ?

gannett · 08/04/2022 17:50

@oviraptor21

I'd be fuming too. If childcare is a rarity he should damn well be making an effort to make the most of it. It's not even like he has to get into work tomorrow. I'd be torn between waking him up (although surely with an afternoon nap he should be OK for the evening) and buggering off without him to somewhere where he would want to go so he realises what he missed out on. Then work on a really clearly laid down division of responsibilities and rest times so that he can't disengage at his whim.
If my DP did this to me because I had the temerity to fall asleep in the afternoon I would be leaving him without further discussion. What horrible behaviour.
ExMachinaDeus · 08/04/2022 17:51

Go out! The cinema, or an art gallery, or something. And eat a really nice meal on your own. Go to your favourite place and order everything you like and eat it while people watching. Or I sometimes go places where I know the waiting staff are friendly and we have a chat.

Treat it as YOUR treat to yourself!

Have a great evening

Rememberitwell · 08/04/2022 17:56

I suggested the pub for the two of them together! Just a couple of hours out with no pressure.

lisaandalan · 08/04/2022 17:59

I'd go shopping buy myself a new dress, go to the cinema and then out for a meal being alone Would not bother me and I use the card from the joint account.
He may be tired but he's being very selfish he's on school holidays and has plenty of time to sleep.
As soon as he went to bed I would have left the house, shopping spree, nails done, cinema and meal out.
It's not to late to go out.