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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Date night cancelled. DH needs to sleep.

224 replies

mag2305 · 08/04/2022 16:28

DH and I haven't been out for absolutely ages, just the two of us. We have a 3 year old and 9 month old. Both sets of grandparents have kindly offered to look after a grandchild each today (both together is quite a lot). So we had the opportunity from this afternoon until this evening to go out and do something. However, my dh is currently asleep as that's what he's chosen to do with this time. I feel like I'm stuck in the house so much, I just want to get out. Feel a bit upset and disappointed by DH (AIBU?) but it's his choice. So what can I do on my own this evening that won't look like I'm a sad loner, lol! Any ideas?
I don't want to waste this evening. Unfortunately, being last minute, my friends have other plans otherwise I would have seen one of them.

OP posts:

PatientlyWaiting21 · 08/04/2022 18:33

Wake him up, tell him to get a grip and go out!

billy1966 · 08/04/2022 18:34

It really depends on your relationship.

In mine, I would give him a pass.
Order in something good to eat, crack open something delicious, savour the peace and get a good nights rest.

I would go somewhere nice for a nice breakfast and collect the children.

BUT, you need to schedule some me time while he is on holidays.
Preferably a shopping/late lunch with friends.

BOOTS52 · 08/04/2022 18:35

Why can he not just have a little nap for a bit and then shower and head out for something to eat, a little walk and just to get out the two of you together. If he does not want to do that then head out yourself for something to eat, go see a movie and at least you will feel as if you have not wasted the time. Maybe he is just exhausted from working etc but he could make an effort and could have a nap and a sleep in tomorrow.

rosewater20 · 08/04/2022 18:37

Sleep is important and if that is what he wants to do with his child free time then he should be able to do that. Sleep is the number one most important thing we can all do for our health and I think the need for sleep should be respected.

If am to understand the OP correctly, you have had babysitters all afternoon and into this evening. Have you been home this whole time? I understand that it is disappointing to have an idea in your head of how the day will go with your DH and for that to not work out but I think it is a waste for you to stay home and not go and enjoy the time alone. I would have gone to get my nails done, maybe a massage, had a great lunch out and enjoyed a book and then gone to the cinema, or a nice cocktail bar, had dinner somewhere (you can always sit at the bar of a nice restaurant if you are worried about sitting alone at a table). I think it is really strange to not enjoy your own company enough that you are nervous about going out alone.

IlFaitBeau · 08/04/2022 18:38

@arethereanyleftatall

I'm horrified at those suggesting wake him up! What a horrible thing to do! Why does what you want to do, trump what he wants to do?

I’m also very interested in hearing what peoples opinions would be if the genders were reversed here and a man had said his wife had fallen asleep when he wanted a date night. I suppose people would point out that surely as the woman she’s doing the dual shift and needs her sleep and how dare he grudge that.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 08/04/2022 18:41

@PatientlyWaiting21

Wake him up, tell him to get a grip and go out!

Jeez, just imagine if a woman posted on this forum that a man woke her up, and. told her get a grip. This site would melt with the abuse the bloke would get

aloris · 08/04/2022 18:46

Go anywhere there are other women and tell them you are out today because your babies are being babysat. Then sit back and enjoy them cheering on your behalf.

sausagesandchamp · 08/04/2022 18:46

Definitely go out and enjoy it alone. A lovely dinner and cinema. And twirl in the street just because you aren't pushing the buggy or holding a little hand. I long for such things

Nocutenamesleft · 08/04/2022 18:49

So first off

I’d go to the cinema!! I LOVE the cinema on my own and I take every single opportunity to go. However I’ve rarely gone

The next thing I’d do is take a book to a coffee shop and just sit and watch the world go by. Or a hotel lobby. Or a bar. Just sitting. On my own

Oh. This would be my perfect evening. You’re sooooo lucky!

PomegranateRose · 08/04/2022 18:49

Absolutely shocked how many people (rightfully) respect that OP might want a break from what she does all day most days (i.e., be in the house), but then disrespect that maybe OP's husband wants a break from what he also does all day most days (be out of the house and around dozens of children). I've worked in schools - by half terms/non-summer holidays I'd be shattered and not feel any less shattered by the end of them in all honesty, let alone with my own kids too. If you do different things in different settings in your daily lives, why is it so shocking that you might want to do different things with your only no-kids-around break, if nothing else has been specifically agreed?

Unless you pre-arranged/clearly expressed that you'd like to do something with the afternoon/evening as a couple, I fail to see how it's so horrible for one adult to break their usual patterns and do what they'd like to do even if that happens to be the opposite of what another adult wants to do for their break.

As others have suggested, if nothing has been specifically planned together, I'd leave a polite text/note saying I was going to do xyz, and to let me know if he wanted to join me upon waking. I absolutely love going out to eat, shop, or see a film alone. Nobody cares that you don't have company, I promise.

Ohmnomnom · 08/04/2022 18:52

Pre kids I used to take myself out to pizza express and order lots of small plates from the starter and sides menu and eat that with a bottle of white wine. I'd then stagger across the street to the cinema for more wine and chocolate and settle down to watch a movie. Miss those days.

oviraptor21 · 08/04/2022 18:58

If I wanted alone time I'd ask my husband to look after the kids while I went off on my alone time. I'd return the favour of course.
What I wouldn't do is get babysitters in and then not use it for couple time. That's just a waste of babysitters.

converseandjeans · 08/04/2022 18:59

peanutbuttercupisyum

Do you teach secondary school? That's what's tiring not having to look after your own children.

Wingingit15 · 08/04/2022 19:00

What others said. It’s 4.30 at that time, it’s highly unlikely he’s gone to bed surely and I’m sure you’ve gone out all fine so no need to worry ….

oviraptor21 · 08/04/2022 19:04

@converseandjeans

peanutbuttercupisyum

Do you teach secondary school? That's what's tiring not having to look after your own children.

I used to teach secondary school. It's no more tiring than looking after young children 24/7. And in any case, he's got the whole Easter holidays for some naps.

GoodSoup · 08/04/2022 19:07

If the OP wanted time alone I’m sure she could go out any evening her DH is in. Maybe she wanted to spend some time actually with him.

PomegranateRose · 08/04/2022 19:14

@GoodSoup

If the OP wanted time alone I’m sure she could go out any evening her DH is in. Maybe she wanted to spend some time actually with him.

Then she should have said so - and she may have, but we don't know yet, so we're having to go off of what she has specifically told us.

In any situation generally, most people would be better served if they just came out with what they wanted specifically rather than hoping someone might 'pick up' on it or that it might seem the obvious thing to do. Whether OP has been unreasonable or not really depends on whether she and her husband actually agreed specifically to spend time together this evening, and if she was clear that she wanted to go out of the house to do so.

tempester28 · 08/04/2022 19:15

Garden with glass of wine (you might need to put your coat on)

Livelovebehappy · 08/04/2022 19:18

To be honest when mine were that age, if I had the opportunity of a child free few hours, sleep is exactly what I would want to do. But if you feel raring to go, then what about going to the gym, or have a long bath with a book, a bit of online retail therapy, or if you have a local spa near where you live which opens late, book a slot for a massage or facial?

Runmybathforme · 08/04/2022 19:21

I get that he needs to have a nap, but I'd be really hurt if he didn't want to have some precious time with me. So important to keep the romance alive .

WTF475878237NC · 08/04/2022 19:25

I think sleeping for four hours is a compromise but not the whole afternoon and evening.

Zonder · 08/04/2022 19:26

Seriously you could have given him til 6, woken him up and still gone out at 7. You had some time for yourself and could have had a really nice time.

I hope you are enjoying an aperitif in some nice restaurant together now.

WTF475878237NC · 08/04/2022 19:26

But yes missed the crucial bit of 9 months baby.

SpunBodgeSquarepants · 08/04/2022 19:27

Stop being a martyr, just wake him up and go out.

LittleBearPad · 08/04/2022 19:30

Is he still sleeping? Wake him up. He can nap tomorrow

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