When people say they're invisible/no longer turn heads

[Onanotherdiet38]

Now in my 30s, I am probably considered ancient to a 19 year old male for instance, I don't expect them to find me attractive as in a prospective partner, but equally I couldn't care less what they think of my looks as i am not interested in 19 year old men myself.

At 50, I don't expect men in their 20s/30s to consider me as dating material, and I expect to be considered too old for them. I'm sure I could be considered attractive to men of a similar age/not too much younger.

If a 50 year old male rejected me as a 50 year old to date a 25 year old woman instead then I'd consider it a lucky escape really.

Surely it's all relative? I'm sure a lot of men in their 50s/60s do find 20 year olds highly sexually attractive but personally I wouldn't want to date someone who's aiming for that age.

I don't believe in the concept of invisible. People say they used to 'turn heads' a lot, but we don't see every single person looking at us. And surely validation shouldn't come from whether some man is gawping at us as we walk down the street.

I saw a woman the other day who looked around 70, her face was lined but she had quite 'young' clothes and make up, she had such beautiful eyes and auburn hair. It's all relative I think.

I do personally believe confidence and caring about others opinions makes a difference. When I look at my peer group, the ones who percieve they are fading into obscurity are mostly the same that have low confidence. The two I'm thinking of unintentionally shrink in the wider world. They actively try to take up less space and as a result often get overlooked.

I think this is very true. I have never been a looker and have never, ever experienced the attention from men that others on here have - jumping queues, free drinks etc, but I don't get ignored in shops, bars etc because I look like I want to engage with people.

I generally don't pay attention to whether others look at me.

Neither do I. They probably aren't, but I really don't care.

So, if men are only interested in what women have to say if they're sexually attracted to them, and ignore them otherwise, ignore them right back. Men have their place, but imo women are typically much more interesting and interested, and for all the average random man adds to my life, he may as well be invisible too.
Perhaps instead of focusing on whether we are seen by men, it would be helpful to make sure as women we see each other. It won't solve the problem where the man is our boss or otherwise has power over us, but it would mean we were only invisible to half the population.

@MaryTheWitch

It's not just about finding validation from men finding us attractive though. Society as a whole - the media, Hollywood, etc. - tells us that men get more attractive with age, whereas women become unattractive.

And it's not just looks. We stop being taken seriously - we're just silly menopausal women. We're overlooked in the workplace. Our opinions don't matter.

That's what people mean by being invisible. It's not just being good looking.

I think men get this too, especially in the workplace. Unless they are managers, then they seem to just be treated as grumpy old men who are behind the times.

Some people, men and women, get more attractive with age. Many do not. You're lucky with your genes if you age well, that's it.

Honestly I think it depends on your mannerisms. If you give off the feeling that you're grumpy or upset, people will generally stay away from you. I have never noticed anyone older than me being ignored in preference for me, and I don't believe my mum has ever been ignored in a shop. Cannot say we are beautiful women either, we are not! 😂