When people say they're invisible/no longer turn heads

[Onanotherdiet38]

Now in my 30s, I am probably considered ancient to a 19 year old male for instance, I don't expect them to find me attractive as in a prospective partner, but equally I couldn't care less what they think of my looks as i am not interested in 19 year old men myself.

At 50, I don't expect men in their 20s/30s to consider me as dating material, and I expect to be considered too old for them. I'm sure I could be considered attractive to men of a similar age/not too much younger.

If a 50 year old male rejected me as a 50 year old to date a 25 year old woman instead then I'd consider it a lucky escape really.

Surely it's all relative? I'm sure a lot of men in their 50s/60s do find 20 year olds highly sexually attractive but personally I wouldn't want to date someone who's aiming for that age.

I don't believe in the concept of invisible. People say they used to 'turn heads' a lot, but we don't see every single person looking at us. And surely validation shouldn't come from whether some man is gawping at us as we walk down the street.

I saw a woman the other day who looked around 70, her face was lined but she had quite 'young' clothes and make up, she had such beautiful eyes and auburn hair. It's all relative I think.

Yes same here @Onanotherdiet38 There are so many women ten, twenty, thirty years older than me that I look up to and I always have. I certainly look at the lovely comfortably retired women in my exercise classes and envy them greatly!

Another example of the life lesson--- just because you havent seen it /experienced it/you don't like the sound of it, doesn't mean it doesnt happen.

I’m 67 and even though I look after myself and don’t look my age (thank you for the good genes mother!) I am totally invisible to men.

When I was younger I was used to being very ‘popular’ and got attention everywhere I went and I must admit it’s a bit of a come down 😂….it’s also a bloody relief to be honest because I can just go out and enjoy myself without it being ruined by persistent men 😃👍

I think you can be invisible for lots of reasons.
I’ve never been a head turning beauty but averagely attractive and when dressed up and hair and makeup sorted I still receive the attention I want in all areas.
It’s about confidence and how you present yourself. Walk tall, look people in the eye and above all else smile. Not just a nervous grimace but a full on, all embracing smile, it works every time.
Unfortunately the popularity of Botox in any woman over 30 negates the wonderful affect of a genuine smile. We underestimate the brains ability to spot a fake or chemically altered smile. I won’t get started on the big lips phenomenon which totally distracts the subconscious.

I am 50. I think weight has a lot to do with it too. I think overweight people also often are invisible. I lost weight this year and noticed such a difference. Suddenly men look and smile at me again and I just feel I am generally treated with more respect. I wasn’t even that big.

You're 30. So this is all speculation on your part about something you have not experienced, that is experiential.

I think a lot of the feeling of "invisibility" is just the change in behaviour from the whole me too movement.

We had a similar discussion with some friends a while back and the general consensus was that people just don't I tract like that anymore. What I used to consider flirting is now literally a criminal offence.

Men just don't approach, comment or interact with women anymore due to the fear of being "outed" on social media or reported for harassment.

Your not invisible OP, you're just being ignored, men probably notice you but they will never let on.

There was a even a recent thread on here about how men shouldn't approach a woman if to offer help if the woman's car had broke down because the approach could be considered as predatory by the woman and "men need to know this".

So I think the days of flirting and being noticed by men are over, they just won't leave themselves open to accusations.

I think it's sad but things move on I guess.

Yes, the other day I missed my train, went into a wine bar on my own and had a glass of wine before going home. It is absolutely blissful that I can do that these days, or sit a read a book in the pub without anyone bothering me at all. I would have never done that in my 20s as some chancer would come and chat me up.

Men just don't approach, comment or interact with women anymore due to the fear of being "outed" on social media or reported for harassment.

What. a. Crock.

It really isn’t about turning heads in the street, or people carrying bags or any of those things. I used to get plenty of positive attention and even when I was older, people respected me and listened, because I was a manager.

On MN, all the time, posters complaining of something, mention the age of those they’re complaining about. Totally irrelevant to the issue at hand. People can be arses at 16 or 60.

It’s ageism and sexism.

@queenMab99

I was on a course at work, about team working, where we had various tasks to perform as teams, we were a local authority 'Leisure Services' dept. so included, men and women from libraries, leisure centres and sport centres of ages between 20s to 50s I was a woman aged about 58. When completing the tasks, I would usually spot quite early just what was required, and point it out, to be totally ignored by the young men in the group. This was noticed by the observers, and I was told I needed to 'speak up' I said that I did not have any problem being heard in my job situation, because the staff knew me and respected me, but the young course participants were too busy being impressive, to notice I was 'right' because they dismissed me on sight. This is what I felt, 'being invisible' meant, nothing to do with attraction.

They shouldn't have told you to "speak up", they should have told the others to "-bloody listen- pay attention" Even the supposedly impartial observers were blaming the victim.

Wait til you turn 40! Quite literally the day after my 40th I realised that men no longer paid me attention. But as I’m gay found that absolutely bloody brilliant!
No more white van men shouting, no more comments, no more unwanted attention in bars - it was like I’d become invisible.
My 40-something single friends though struggled with it because they found that men their age weren’t interested in dating them, they were all after ( and I mean without exception) women in their 20/30s.
OLD for them was an absolute minefield and they ended up extending the age of me they would date up to 55 or so instead of around their own age and STILL struggled.

An example from me:

I was queueing at the leisure centre. I'd pre-booked online, so literally all that I needed to do was check in and for the staff member to "tick" me off - would take 20 seconds.

Firstly 2 young men walked to the front of the queue and the staff member served them. Then the staff member deliberately served the 2 women in their 20s waiting behind me. he then wandered off to do some filing and totally ignored me. I said "excuse me" very loudly. He looked annoyed. When I asked if I was invisible and why he'd served the other people ahead of me, he said it was because they would be quick. I have no idea how he knew this in advance, and they weren't in any case quicker than me. He'd clearly just decided I wasn't worth bothering with.

I'm 65 and have not noticed this at all. I am however a very confident person in social settings and more than happy to strike up conversations, ask questions and be pro-active. I do notice that some older women are very much shrinking violets and don't seem to have much self confidence or presence. I think you have got to try to be a member of the club rather than sit outside expecting to be invited in.

‘If a 50 year old male rejected me as a 50 year old to date a 25 year old woman instead then I'd consider it a lucky escape really.’

Good because they will, as far as my friends experience go. Every single one of them. There’s not a 50 year old male friend that I know who wouldn’t be perfectly happy dating a 30/35 year old if they were single. Not one.
And no, I don’t need better friends, that’s just the reality!

I’m 47 and definitely not invisible yet. It will be interesting to see what happens when I hit 50.

Some kind of Harry Enfield “Kevin becomes a teenager” transformation on the stroke of midnight maybe.

@Ahgoonyegirlye

‘If a 50 year old male rejected me as a 50 year old to date a 25 year old woman instead then I'd consider it a lucky escape really.’

Good because they will, as far as my friends experience go. Every single one of them. There’s not a 50 year old male friend that I know who wouldn’t be perfectly happy dating a 30/35 year old if they were single. Not one.
And no, I don’t need better friends, that’s just the reality!

Yes, I've got several male friends in their 50s. They're quite happy to spend time with me around our interests, they'll even "take" me as their plus one when they're desperate, but they date women in their 30s/early40s.

I don't want to date them so the arrangement suits me and I enjoy watching it all from a social studies POV but it's definitely a thing.

I think its noticeable but i dont see it as a bad thing

We can't generalise like that. Some men will prefer, not settle for, women of their own age or only a few years younger. Dating someone 20-30 years older is pervy in my eyes so If they reject me then I'd rather be single and wait for someone who doesn't care that I'm not 20/30, which there will be

I’m 50 and don’t feel invisible at all.

Younger* not older.
Plus when the man is in his 70s, woman 40s-50s and she ends up becoming his carer, rather them than me

The invisible thing isn't people not admiring you, it's people just acting as if you are not there - stepping in front of you in a queue, trying to barge you out of the way on the pavement, that sort of thing.

Only recently I was at the front of the check-in queue at the airport, just passing our passports to the clerk, and a man stepped in front of me and tried to put his bag on the belt instead of mine. Yes, truly! Fortunately the check-in clerk told him to join the back of the queue.

It can be quite handy - you get to do stuff like duck under barriers, and if you're ready it's fun to challenge people. When I'm directly dealing with individuals they treat me well; it's just random strangers acting as if I don't exist.

I have never self deprecated to anyone and have never been ignored in queues. But I had a childhood being seriously racially abused for years, it made me find myself and my voice if that makes sense after I found a genuine friend who stood up for me and helped me.

I do still get male attention even though I’m older but I’m Chinese and yellow fever as it’s known is an actual thing plus the rise in anime in the west hasn’t helped.

I think some of the invisibility comes from the fact that women at those ages have so much else going on, childcare teencare, looking after elderly parents, dealing with trying to fit back in at work, that looking stylish and carrying yourself as Elle macpherson would, with poise and grace and just the right levels of scruff/sheen ratio just doesn't come to us.

@crowsfeet57

And it's not just looks. We stop being taken seriously - we're just silly menopausal women. We're overlooked in the workplace. Our opinions don't matter

That's what people mean by being invisible. It's not just being good looking

This!

And if an invisible woman dares to complain or give her opinion, she's labelled a "Karen".