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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding. Reasonable or unreasonable?

420 replies

Purple1998 · 07/04/2022 14:30

Hello! I just want some opinions.

Basically I'm a bridesmaid for my sister next year, I wear dreadlock extensions, they're quite expensive and they need fitting in every few months. My sister has said to me she or should I say "told" me that I'm not having dreads in for her wedding... granted I won't because it's her day, but my boyfriend thinks she's out of order because he thinks she's basically telling me to not be myself. What do you think? He recons I should say something but I don't think I want to cause agro and would rather her just be happy on her day, not that my hair should make her otherwise... she was a bit cheeky about it because I did tell her that they're expensive and was hoping she wouldn't bring them up, but she replied with "money can't buy taste" Hmm

Do you think she's being reasonable?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
BarnDance · 07/04/2022 14:37

Nobody is going to think it's reasonable for someone to tell another person how to have their hair for a wedding! It's crackers.

QuebecBagnet · 07/04/2022 14:38

She’s been very unreasonable. I wouldn’t change my hair to that extent and would decline bridesmaid duties if she doesn’t want a bridesmaid with dreadlocks.

Hugasauras · 07/04/2022 14:38

Very unreasonable. You aren't a show dog at Crufts.

Wookydook · 07/04/2022 14:40

Unreasonable of her and RUDE

NorthSouthcatlady · 07/04/2022 14:40

She’s unreasonable. Is there a back story about her being demanding and / or controlling?

RestingPandaFace · 07/04/2022 14:41

You are her sister not a prop for her insta. Of course you shouldn’t change yourself for her pictures.

GeneLovesJezebel · 07/04/2022 14:42

You want her to be happy, and you know it will make her happy, so no reason not to do it.

Echobelly · 07/04/2022 14:48

It is disrespectful to ask and not very reasonable in my book because she should take you as you are, but if you're happy to do it to make her happy then that's probably best under the circumstances. I've had bonkers hair in my time and if someone close to me had asked me to tone it down for their wedding if I was in bridal party I'd have done so.

I personally don't think it should matter a fig, but some people do set a lot of store on nothing 'distracting' from the bride, or no one 'standing out' in photos.

Suprima · 07/04/2022 14:48

Middle ground- because i can completely understand both sides- can you show her some lovely dread updos? You can make some lovely coils and buns with dreadlocks. I think they could look really pretty with some flowers.

JennySpanner · 07/04/2022 14:50

What's wrong with dreadlocks in her opinion? She's being v v v unreasonable.

Thenose · 07/04/2022 14:51

"You want her to be happy, and you know it will make her happy, so no reason not to do it."

What a weird position. Are you saying that we should do something whenever it will make someone else happy, regardless of our own feelings about it?

Ylvamoon · 07/04/2022 14:53

I think it's cheeky!
But as you are a bridesmaid, just answer yourself this question: Would you have them if it was your wedding day?

GeneLovesJezebel · 07/04/2022 14:54

@Thenose

"You want her to be happy, and you know it will make her happy, so no reason not to do it."

What a weird position. Are you saying that we should do something whenever it will make someone else happy, regardless of our own feelings about it?

If you don’t mind either way, which the OP doesn’t seem to, then yes.
Ozanj · 07/04/2022 14:55

If they’re extensions then just remove them for the wedding

Easterisoffeggstooexpensive · 07/04/2022 14:57

Does she think they will lower the tone of her wedding? Why should you renegotiate your style to suit?

KELLOGSspeck · 07/04/2022 14:57

Is it like faux laux extensions OP? Would you comprise and have singles? Or braids in a nice style?

Tbh I don't think it's too unreasonable as they are extensions your wearing anyway.

Thenose · 07/04/2022 14:59

"You want her to be happy, and you know it will make her happy, so no reason not to do it."

What a weird position. Are you saying that we should do something whenever it will make someone else happy, regardless of our own feelings about it?

If you don’t mind either way, which the OP doesn’t seem to, then yes."*

She does mind

NarcissasMumintheDoghouse · 07/04/2022 15:00

The "money can't buy taste" would have me demanding an apology before I would even consider taking on a BM role. That is so rude. Is she always like this, or is it a bad case of Bridezilla?

SoyaChai · 07/04/2022 15:02

My aunt wanted me as a bridesmaid but didn't want me to have my pink hair. I just changed it, then switched it back after the wedding.

godmum56 · 07/04/2022 15:03

I think she is being bridezilla and rude and I would be telling her to stuff her wedding where the sun don't shine.

Abraxan · 07/04/2022 15:05

Incredibly rude of her to even consider asking you to change.

Bet she's not paying for you to have them removed and put back in again afterwards
Either.

Her comment re 'money can't buy class' is really really rude and disrespectful. That comment alone would have me refusing.

Purpletomato · 07/04/2022 15:05

You don't seem to mind so you should do what you're happy with, not what your boyfriend wants.

Personally, I'd decline to be a bridesmaid. My sister insisted I didn't wear my glasses when I was her bridesmaid. I've a minus 9 prescription so I'm squinting like mad in all the photos, got a terrible migraine from it, threw up at the reception due to the migraine and my dad had to take me home. I didn't get a choice in her mad decision at the time as I was a kid and mum never said no to her on anything but there's no way I'd agree to it now.

Purpletomato · 07/04/2022 15:06

I also don't see why you can't have a dreads updo.

HollowTalk · 07/04/2022 15:10

Does anyone else remember a thread about a bridesmaid who'd dyed her hair green?

Bluechinavase · 07/04/2022 15:13

@NarcissasMumintheDoghouse

The "money can't buy taste" would have me demanding an apology before I would even consider taking on a BM role. That is so rude. Is she always like this, or is it a bad case of Bridezilla?
This!!!!

I’m sure there is more backstory but that comment alone warrants a response of. “You needn’t feel obliged to ask me to be your BM because I’m not changing my hair”