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My sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding. Reasonable or unreasonable?

420 replies

Purple1998 · 07/04/2022 14:30

Hello! I just want some opinions.

Basically I'm a bridesmaid for my sister next year, I wear dreadlock extensions, they're quite expensive and they need fitting in every few months. My sister has said to me she or should I say "told" me that I'm not having dreads in for her wedding... granted I won't because it's her day, but my boyfriend thinks she's out of order because he thinks she's basically telling me to not be myself. What do you think? He recons I should say something but I don't think I want to cause agro and would rather her just be happy on her day, not that my hair should make her otherwise... she was a bit cheeky about it because I did tell her that they're expensive and was hoping she wouldn't bring them up, but she replied with "money can't buy taste" Hmm

Do you think she's being reasonable?

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lightisnotwhite · 11/04/2022 22:38

@HangingRock25, I’ve reported you. Please don’t close down discussion by mocking people. We aren’t 13.

HangingRock25 · 11/04/2022 22:50

[quote lightisnotwhite]**@HangingRock25, I’ve reported you. Please don’t close down discussion by mocking people. We aren’t 13.[/quote]
@lightisnotwhite Excuse me? Where have I mocked anyone? Where have I closed down discussion? On the contrary, you are the one attempting to close discussion.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 12/04/2022 05:32

[quote lightisnotwhite]**@HangingRock25, I’ve reported you. Please don’t close down discussion by mocking people. We aren’t 13.[/quote]
Are you kidding me? Wtf for? Nowhere have they mocked anyone. Jesus Christ.

Marvellousmadness · 12/04/2022 05:37

Dread lock extensions....

Envy not envy.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 12/04/2022 07:10

@Marvellousmadness

Dread lock extensions....

Envy not envy.

Just a twat?
AprilMae · 12/04/2022 11:10

@Trixiefirecracker for Rastafarian’s for sure, but some people just like the look and it isn’t a spiritual thing but aesthetic.

miiliemooismyniece · 13/04/2022 14:37

Many years ago, I was bridesmaid to my best friend and her rather formidable [think Peggy Mount!] Mum told me to do something about my curly perm. I was very upset, but duly went and had it blow dried straight. When I turned up at the house to get ready, she told me she had been joking!

worriedaboutmoney2022 · 13/04/2022 16:31

I wouldn't be very happy - my sister in law has visible tattoos and her friend asked her to be a bridesmaid the others had sleeveless dresses and she orders sis in law one with sleeves in as she doesn't want her tattoos visible

Outcome - sis in law told her to fuck off!

Poptasmagorical · 16/04/2022 19:32

@Reimu

**There is no such thing as reverse racism, it's plain racism, black people can be racist towards white people, white people can be racist towards black people. There is no excuse for terrible behaviour based on skin color.

Stop being racist and telling people what they can or can't do with their hair based on the color of their skin. It's disgusting.**

You're right: there is no such thing as reverse racism. Because BIPOC people do not have the power structures behind them to allow them to be racist. White people are not victims of racism. Understanding cultural appropriation by taking the time to listen to and learn from BIPOC people would show you that it's not racist to expect white people to stop appropriating the parts of BIPOC culture they like without experiencing the oppression that comes with it for non-white originators. But you won't use your time to do that because you're comfortable in your bubble of privilege.

Poptasmagorical · 16/04/2022 19:35

@TheKeatingFive

It's not that hard to educate yourself and stop being racist.

What exactly is racist about white people letting their hair do what hair does naturally when you don't brush or style it, and had been used by most civilisations (white and black) since the dawn of time?

As I said, it's not hard to educate yourself. Instead of just asking why white people can't do something that several people have stated is culturally appropriative, maybe go and find some BIPOC creators and learn from them. Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, TikTok, blogs.,, but you won't bother because you don't think you need to.
Poptasmagorical · 16/04/2022 19:46

@HangingRock25
White (and other) people historically had dreadlocks because of the lack of ability to brush their hair. You said yourself, it was common for all types of people because it's what hair does naturally when it's left unwashed and unbrushed.
This isn't the same thing. White people choosing to style their hair in dreads or braids - and especially with clip-ins! - are doing so in the knowledge that it's culturally insensitive. White hair doesn't need to be protected by braids, where black hair can often need it.
With your academic background you already know all of this, you're just choosing not to talk about the element of choice and lack of consideration by white people.

Reimu · 16/04/2022 19:54

[quote Poptasmagorical]@Reimu

**There is no such thing as reverse racism, it's plain racism, black people can be racist towards white people, white people can be racist towards black people. There is no excuse for terrible behaviour based on skin color.

Stop being racist and telling people what they can or can't do with their hair based on the color of their skin. It's disgusting.**

You're right: there is no such thing as reverse racism. Because BIPOC people do not have the power structures behind them to allow them to be racist. White people are not victims of racism. Understanding cultural appropriation by taking the time to listen to and learn from BIPOC people would show you that it's not racist to expect white people to stop appropriating the parts of BIPOC culture they like without experiencing the oppression that comes with it for non-white originators. But you won't use your time to do that because you're comfortable in your bubble of privilege. [/quote]
Sorry but you are wrong.

rac·ism
/ˈrāˌsizəm/
Learn to pronounce
noun
prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against a person or people on the basis of their membership in a particular racial or ethnic group

"White people are not victims of racism. "
-Wrong, there are black people who hold prejudices against white people and judge them based on it, this is true for any ethnicity. That is what racism is, it has nothing to do with "power structures", which are not held by white people in the first place or by any ethnicity in particular, political power in the modern day is held by individuals, not races, not genders. You really need to take time and educate yourself in what racism is and stop drinking that CRT juice, depending on the context it can make you come off as incredibly racist. Imagine saying that being prejudiced and hateful towards a white individual does not count as racism. Ridiculous, you cannot lobby against racism while proliferating it, that is cognitive dissonance.

Rather than being preoccupied on what the skin color of an individual in power is, worry about their policies, so far having white leaders(and many black leaders for that fact) has given people whose skin happens to be white no power that any other race lacks.

I don't need to listen to a person of specific skin color to understand what cultural appropriation is. That statement makes no sense. Cultural appropriation myths are mostly an American and sometimes UK thing to begin with that incorrectly labels any form of cultural understanding and sharing as appropriating. The cultures they claim to defend usually don't care or rejoice on it sharing their culture, Mexicans, PuertoRicans and Japanese are often happy when you learn to make their foods or use traditional clothing, you don;t know what you are talking about and much of the world disagrees.

Oh and finally, dreadlocks is not an African American culture thing, this has been corrected many, many times in this thread, yet nobody tells black people not to get dreadlocks, or not to straighten out their hair. They can do whatever they want with their hair, so can caucasians, and racist people will have to sitdown and accept that.

TheKeatingFive · 16/04/2022 19:55

White hair doesn't need to be protected by braids, where black hair can often need it.

The issue of blacmmprop

TheKeatingFive · 16/04/2022 20:02

Sorry, epic fail

TheKeatingFive · 16/04/2022 20:20

Trying again.

The issues around historic racism towards black hairstyles should of course be called out and challenged at every opportunity. It's totally unacceptable to discriminate in this basis.

But policing what white people with their hair does absolutely nothing to tackle this. And any authority you claim to do this, given the widespread use of the hairstyle throughout history, is seriously questionable.

Poptasmagorical · 19/04/2022 09:43

There's no point continuing this discussion when I responded to the points raised - like conscious decisions, not historical use - only to have them ignored while the previous point was just repeated without reference to it.

Dictionary definitions of racism ignore all nuance and focus only on prejudice. It's not the same as systemic power structures which oppress BIPOC people in ways in which white people cannot be oppressed.

But carry on playing the white people are victims too card. I'm not interested in your barely disguised racism. Feel free to tell me I'm racist against white people. It's not a thing.

Bye!

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 10/05/2022 13:46

GeneLovesJezebel · 07/04/2022 14:42

You want her to be happy, and you know it will make her happy, so no reason not to do it.

I agree with this

CambsAlways · 10/05/2022 15:41

Money can’t buy taste ! Wow she’s nasty! Sounds a real bridezilla! Knowing me I’d say find another bridesmaid then! 🙄

Reimu · 10/05/2022 15:42

Good grief, have fun LARPing and being insufferable towards people based on their skin color. Good riddance the conversation is over.

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