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AIBU?

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Original poster

My sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding. Reasonable or unreasonable?

420 replies

Purple1998 · 07/04/2022 14:30

Hello! I just want some opinions.

Basically I'm a bridesmaid for my sister next year, I wear dreadlock extensions, they're quite expensive and they need fitting in every few months. My sister has said to me she or should I say "told" me that I'm not having dreads in for her wedding... granted I won't because it's her day, but my boyfriend thinks she's out of order because he thinks she's basically telling me to not be myself. What do you think? He recons I should say something but I don't think I want to cause agro and would rather her just be happy on her day, not that my hair should make her otherwise... she was a bit cheeky about it because I did tell her that they're expensive and was hoping she wouldn't bring them up, but she replied with "money can't buy taste" Hmm

Do you think she's being reasonable?

OP posts:
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Ohfgsnotagain · 07/04/2022 17:46

It isn’t unheard of tbh.

I’ve known a bride to ask all her bridesmaids to grow their hair longer because she’s wanted a certain look. Another bride asked her bridesmaids to lose weight so they were all slim for the photos! I even know a bridesmaid who convinced her 3 bridesmaid to all get boob jobs I. Time for her wedding so they all looked good in their dresses. I was a wedding planner for a couple of years 😊

Ohfgsnotagain · 07/04/2022 17:47

Oops typos!!

Palloom · 07/04/2022 17:47

Your sister's wedding is not about you and your "self", it is about making her day a happy one.

Meet in the middle, keep the dreads but put them up in some nice up do.

Don't let this be the hill to die on please, just compromise and make her happy. You can return to your "self" within 24 hours it is not forever.

Suzi888 · 07/04/2022 17:47

She’s being unreasonable. She can dictate the style ie you wear hair up for example but to ask you to remove extensions is very unreasonable.

latriciamcneal · 07/04/2022 17:52

If he's trying to cause you to be upset with your sister over something that you were not already upset with her over, then he is being a shit stirrer and is attempting to sully your relationship with your sister and he's an ass for doing that. Why would he want you to be upset with your sister?

88sausagefactory88 · 07/04/2022 17:55

OP - only take offence if you are offended. Don’t carry other people’s opinions. Maybe your bf is lovely, maybe he’s trying to cause trouble.

I’d go with the flow and be there for your sister. It’ll be a good laugh for your wedding speech

Icepinkeskimo · 07/04/2022 18:04

OP,
In the words of the great Bim Sherman,
"Always be true to yourself"

Be who you are.

dementedmummy · 07/04/2022 18:09

She is being unreasonable with her money can't buy taste comment.
Normally i would say a bride demanding a bridesmaid change her hair would also be unreasonable but in this case it sounds like your extensions only last a few months before they need to be taken out and redone. In this case, assuming the timing works, is it that big of a deal to have them out just before the wedding and popped back in again straight after?
One thought though - if you are used to extensions, does she know what your own hair is like ie has it thinned and went scraggy in which case she may well prefer the dreds to the natural look if it doesn't accord with her vision of how your hair will otherwise look! 😁

Nothappyatwork · 07/04/2022 18:13

Family is very different from a bunch of strangers on the Internet or even your friends. I will say things to my sister that honestly I wouldn’t dream of saying out loud to anyone else but kind of that’s the relationship you have, that’s why they called family

ElenaSt · 07/04/2022 18:23

I wouldn’t want somebody with dreadlocks as my bridesmaid if I’m honest. But there’s ways and means to go about asking nicely if they would have a different hairstyle at my expense for the occasion.

FairyCakeWings · 07/04/2022 18:25

I agree with your boyfriend. I’d feel offended if someone criticised or judged my DPs perfectly lovely appearance, there’s nothing wrong with him feeling protective of the look that he clearly finds attractive.

LoisLane66 · 07/04/2022 18:27

I agree with others who say that your hair is an expression of who you are and you won't be changing your hair for the wedding.

Mouk · 07/04/2022 18:31

She's rude! "money doesn't buy taste"

I would step down as her bridesmaid.

greenlynx · 07/04/2022 18:31

I don’t like dreadlocks that why I don’t wear them but it doesn’t matter other people like them and wear them, it’s for them to decide. As a bride she can work towards certain hairstyle with her bridesmaids but no more. She was very rude with her comments and unreasonable with her demands. What next? Does she prefer all her BMs to have certain hair and skin colour and the same size and weight?

ShepherdMoons · 07/04/2022 18:33

Surely the most important thing is that you are her sister and that you will be there to see her get married. It shouldn't matter to her that you have dreadlocks. I think she's being unreasonable.

DameHelena · 07/04/2022 18:35

Her request is unreasonable and her 'money can't buy taste' comment really rude.

Lifetheuniverseandeverything · 07/04/2022 18:35

I would agree it’s unreasonable but then saw it’s ‘dreadlocks’. If you’re white then no I would not want that ignorance at my wedding. If you aren’t then yes bride vvv unreasonable.

BigSkies22 · 07/04/2022 18:37

Wear a wig?

cutebutscary · 07/04/2022 18:38

She has no right . I wear dreadlock extensions too . They are part of my identity and I would feel truly hurt if my sister didn't accept me the way I am. Keep your hair and remind your sister no one will be looking at you as she's the bride(zilla) there's lots of ways to wear our hair up in tidier styles anyway if needs be . Good luck

BigSkies22 · 07/04/2022 18:39

But no, I don't think she's being very reasonable. She asked you to be bridesmaid, and your presence there on her wedding day should be what matters to her.

Seemssounfair · 07/04/2022 18:41

Dreadlocks can look amazing or...... not so amazing.

i can see why she would not be keen on the not so amazing dreads.

Loyaultemelie · 07/04/2022 18:41

Very very unreasonable. If she wants you as a bridesmaid she should want you as yourself. Love someone with short purple hair that's non negotiable because it's who I am. (I have stood as godmother twice with it despite not being christian and interestingly the other godmother had blue spiky hair and was a different non christian religion, as the parents knew)

skybluee · 07/04/2022 18:42

@Barkingmadhouse

I can see her point of view, dreadlocks are awful and will affect the photos. Do you think she felt forced (probably by family) to have you as a bridesmaid but doesn't actually want you as one because of your look? Would you not being a bridesmaid create issues with the wider family for her? I know of I had a sister with dreadlocks I wouldn't want her as a bridesmaid
Wow, that's so incredibly sad. You wouldn't want your sister to be there as your bridesmaid on your special day simply because of a hairstyle? Surely the person means something to you, not something like their hair? To put that above having the person there at something as important as that is staggering.
LittleRedRidingHood187 · 07/04/2022 18:44

Can you just unbolt them for the photos?

KELLOGSspeck · 07/04/2022 18:47

@Seemssounfair

Dreadlocks can look amazing or...... not so amazing.

i can see why she would not be keen on the not so amazing dreads.

I wonder what they look like. Can you post a similar picture OP?