My sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding. Reasonable or unreasonable?

[Purple1998]

Hello! I just want some opinions.

Basically I'm a bridesmaid for my sister next year, I wear dreadlock extensions, they're quite expensive and they need fitting in every few months. My sister has said to me she or should I say "told" me that I'm not having dreads in for her wedding... granted I won't because it's her day, but my boyfriend thinks she's out of order because he thinks she's basically telling me to not be myself. What do you think? He recons I should say something but I don't think I want to cause agro and would rather her just be happy on her day, not that my hair should make her otherwise... she was a bit cheeky about it because I did tell her that they're expensive and was hoping she wouldn't bring them up, but she replied with "money can't buy taste"

Do you think she's being reasonable?

Unless she is planning to pay, she is being unreasonable. Her wedding is one day!

I got married last year and one of my bridesmaid dyes her hair bright orange, my MIL told me she assumed i'd be telling her she needed to dye it a 'normal colour'. I absolutely let her know this would not be happening. I picked my BMs for who they are but would also never expect anyone to change themselves for one day

I would lose the dreads.

It's rainbow Mohican time.

You don’t seem to mind - I think your boyfriend should keep out of it.

Since it's not until next year, could she buy you a super nice hair piece to wear?

I wouldn't change my hair she knew you had dreads before she asked you to be bridesmaid if she has a carry's on i would step down from being a bridesmaid and go as a guest

@ABitBesottedWithMyDog

I would lose the dreads.

It's rainbow Mohican time.

Oooh this ^^ 🤣

Does she often speak to you like this or is it 'just' bridezilla talking?

I'd step down from bridesmaid duties. This shit is always just the tip of the iceberg.

I changed my hair for my sister's wedding!! I was a bridesmaid too, the bottom half was blue and she asked me to dye it to my natural colour so it didn't stand out too much in photos! I offered to change it to my dress colour but she wanted it natural.

She was being precious and loads of people were like she did what! But not fully outraged and I didn't feel too strongly about my blue not to change it, it was just easier to do it and keep the peace. (I found it boring and went back blue soon after but I do it myself so was cheap to do).

But it's not nice your sister was actively rude about yours and sucks it's an expensive thing to undo. If I were you I'd seriously considering saying ok I'll get rid of them but you need to pay for that and also pay for me to have them put back in because that's how I have my hair

@FabulouslyFab

You don’t seem to mind - I think your boyfriend should keep out of it.

I think it sounds like her boyfriend is just standing up for her. It's hard to see when your family is pushing you around sometimes and easier for a partner to see it from the outside

Just to say I feel your pain OP. I wasn’t allowed to a hairdresser without my sisters supervision for a year before her wedding, in case I did something ‘not allowed’ to my hair!

I'm not a fan of dreadlocks, but i am more not a fan of people telling them how they should look. So in your shoes every time she asked me my opinion of something for the wedding i would echo her words back at her "money can't buy taste"

@SometimesRavenSometimesParrot what did your sister think you would do to your hair that was 'not allowed'?

Did you have dreadlocks when she asked you to be her bridesmaid? If so I think its very unreasonable to ask/tell you to change!

Not unreasonable to ask you nicely, unreasonable if she is demanding it. And downright rude for the comment about taste (unless you have a funny relationship where this is ok)

I think if it were me I might have changed the hair for her, until the comments about money not buying taste, then I'd be supplementing the dreads with some of these

I think she’s being a bit of a cow, personally. She knew what your hair was like when she asked you to be a bridesmaid. Why wouldn’t she want her bridesmaids to actually look like their real selves at their best, rather than someone completely different?

For the “money can’t buy taste” comment alone, I’d refuse.

I’d also tell my BF to stay out of it. Nothing to do with him.

WHEN are people going to STOP telling women what to do with their bodies???

Your DD and BF can just fuck off. Grrr this has made me so angry on every woman’s behalf

I'd say it depends on whether it involves have your current dreadlocks removed, or simply not replacing them. She has no right to expect you to have expensive work removed for one day, but if it just means postponing the replacement it's-not exactly reasonable but-possible.

While I think that's she's allowed an opinion on your hair, expressing said opinion, and that comment about taste is really rude!!

I love seeing bridesmaids that look completely different, but have something either matching or coordinating on for a wedding. To me it shows the wide variations in the relationships the bride has. Thats a beautiful thing!

she's basically telling me to not be myself

But how far is a fake hair extension ‘yourself’?

I would never expect anyone to cut or do anything permanent to their own hair, but aren’t bridesmaids generally expected to conform to a chosen ‘look’?

If your extensions are that important to you, and her ‘look’ for the wedding is important to her then you need to decline being a bridesmaid.

The two of you don’t sound tat mutually caring / respectful anyway.

Why is this in 'Site Stuff'?! Yes. She's being unreasonable. She should love you whatever.

She is very tude.

Rude!