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MiL gave baby first ice cream
674

maloney123 · 06/04/2022 23:48

Please let me preface this post by acknowledging that my in laws look after our baby once a week and I’m hugely grateful to them for this. They were desperate to be grandparents (this is their first grandchild) so the arrangement suits us both as they get time with the baby and I get time to catch up on laundry, cleaning etc (I am still on mat leave).

Today my MIL gave our baby her first taste of ice cream (DD is 9 months). I’m not so bothered about the sweet aspect (although we’re not giving her sweets, juice etc as yet) but I feel upset that we didn’t get to give her her first ice cream. I feel like this is a cute milestone moment for a baby and instead of being there I had my MIL describing to me how my daughter reacted to the taste. Previously she has also tried BLW my baby one day after we started weaning her which I was livid about, so we’ve already spoken to her and asked her not to give her new foods without checking in first.

I don’t mind MIL giving “normal” foods but I do feel like something like baby’s first ice cream is a bit special and I feel annoyed and upset that she took this moment away unnecessarily. I don’t think I’m going to say anything about it as I don’t want to appear ungrateful so I guess I’m just venting, feel free to tell me YABU!!

OP's posts:
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Holidaycountdownbegins · 07/04/2022 02:51

Create your own moment by giving DD her first pickled onion monster munch. I recall that being very entertaining.

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DockOTheBay · 07/04/2022 02:51

Don't worry she will have the same reaction the second time you give her ice cream so you can be there for that :)

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BobHadBitchTits · 07/04/2022 02:54

I can kinda see why it feels a big deal right now but in a few years you're not going to remember who gave her what when.

Honestly, it just doesn't matter.

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DaveDave · 07/04/2022 02:57

She looks after your DD a whole day a week while you are on mat leave - I'm massively jealous at that!

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boronia · 07/04/2022 02:58

@DockOTheBay

Don't worry she will have the same reaction the second time you give her ice cream so you can be there for that :)

Yes this was my thought too.
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ElenaSt · 07/04/2022 03:02

I don’t know why you have made ice cream at home a thing.

You need to accept that when baby is with them that you can’t control them and they have raised your son without opinion him and it’s most likely they will give your infant different things to eat and drink.

That’s what grandparents often do, give treats that they might not have at home.

I got annoyed when I found out that grandparents (inlaws) were letting my two when they were young, use their bed and spare beds as trampolines. Jumping up and down on beds at home would have been a fuel no from us.

How we, the children even from a young age understood that it was something they did at grandmas house and never tried to do it at home so I just accepted it.

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Orangelego7 · 07/04/2022 03:07

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, in fact I made a very similar post 4 years ago with my first after my MIL sneakily gave him his first dessert. I completely understand the disappointment at not seeing their excited face but for me it was more about the constant boundary pushing she always engaged in and I wasn't impressed that she hid it from us either (he was new to solids and we wouldn't have wanted to introduce dessert so soon plus it's good to know for allergies). I was laughing with my husband about it recently about how much we blew things out of proportion or took offence to someone deviating from what we'd asked but at the same time I can still recognise that it can feel disrespectful when someone doesn't respect your wishes for your own child and don't believe you should have to butt heads because your word should be final at the end of the day. If this is a persistent thing with your MIL like it was in our case, then it's worth mentioning or asking just to give you a heads up in future. If your MIL is generally supportive and a positive influence then unfortunately it's just one of those things. You can't get back that moment you'd built up in your head but you can reframe it and move on. Sure its disappointing you didn't get to do the first, but the second will get just as cute a reaction so it's better just to focus on that. Sorry everyone is being so rude to you, I don't think you were being unreasonable and every if it seems silly to some people, you can't help how you feel.

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vodkaredbullgirl · 07/04/2022 03:11

Shock
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Wanttobehappy123 · 07/04/2022 03:11

This is one of the funniest things I have read in ages😂 surely you cannot be serious. Such a thing to get worked up about.
Your family are lucky to have such hands on grandparents and you just sound precious and ungrateful

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MangyInseam · 07/04/2022 03:13

YABU. Sometimes firsts will happen when you aren't there. It's not a big deal.

When I was doing childcare, I had parents who would get upset if you told them their child had done something new that day, because then they did not get to experience that "first". They preferred to allow themselves to believe that even though their child was in our care 40 hours a week somehow nothing really significant happened during that time.

It's not a healthy mindset to get into.

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Philisophigal · 07/04/2022 03:13

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

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radiohp · 07/04/2022 03:29

@TurningUpMyStereotype

‘Ice cream is a milestone‘
‘Babe’
‘Weaning journey’

😬

Certainly painting a picture of the OP!
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MiddleParking · 07/04/2022 03:35

That is a very funny thing to take away from The Place Beyond The Pines Grin

Ps if you really want a good memory give her her first lemon or grapefruit. Hilarious facial expressions!

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StoppinBy · 07/04/2022 03:42

Under different circumstances I would think she was wrong but when your daughter is there that often some of her 'firsts' will end up happening there unfortunately.

If my MIL had done this I would have been cross but my eldest is 9, youngest is almost 5 and she's minded my kids probably 3 times in all of those years with one of the times being while I was having my second child in hospital.

Your child is very lucky to be a part of you MIL'S life in such a big way xx

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Kanaloa · 07/04/2022 03:45

@MiddleParking

That is a very funny thing to take away from The Place Beyond The Pines Grin

Ps if you really want a good memory give her her first lemon or grapefruit. Hilarious facial expressions!

This is actually one I do remember - my son had his first lemon at about 2 and everyone said he would make hilarious faces. He didn’t he just loved it! I said ‘try a bit of lemon?’ And afterwords he kept following me crying ‘try a bit, try a bit’ because he wanted to eat lemon like it was an apple.

He still fishes the lemon out of a Coca cola when we go out to eat so he can eat it.

Stuff like that is what you remember - when they do something unexpected. At the end of the day the ‘memories’ aren’t a set list of first ice cream, first shoes, first go on the play park swings. The memories you make are simply the things you remember from what you do! You’ll have some lovely ones, maybe ones you meant to be memorable but plenty you didn’t too.
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Kanaloa · 07/04/2022 03:46

*afterwards! Why would it correct to afterwords? Who is using that regularly?

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dollymuchymuchness · 07/04/2022 03:50

YABU with bells on.

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GreenWheat · 07/04/2022 04:12

I know it seems like a big first moment but there will be so many firsts that this one will fade. I can't remember my babies' first hardly anything now they're teenagers - foods, words, steps, teeth. As PP have said, your child will be treated differently and your MIL 's than at home, but they will understand that this is not home and make an automatic distinction.

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MadAntonia · 07/04/2022 04:14

You asked her not to give your baby new foods without checking in first.

She did it anyway.

YANBU.

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HappyDays40 · 07/04/2022 04:17

I'd get over it if I were you otherwise if you let yourself be bothered about ice cream life is going to be tough!

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Kuachui · 07/04/2022 04:24

oh god yabu.
ice cream whatevers next. your like the helicopter parents at my toddler group cant stand them

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Hollywolly1 · 07/04/2022 04:29

The issue here is you are putting your baby into their care once a week for a full day😱not a great idea because if it was your own mum its different as you can tell her your concerns and she will listen or most of them do.This arrangement is going to cause nothing but problems for you going forward.

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cookiemonster2468 · 07/04/2022 04:40

I kind of get how you feel, but also I think you are overreacting a bit.

As your child gets older there are going to be lots of 'firsts' that you won't be around for (and lots that you will!) It's normal, and independence/ experiences away from parents are a part of a healthy childhood. Your child and family can't be expected to not do anything fun or interesting until you are there to observe.

They're just enjoying themselves, I think you need to let them get on with it and celebrate that your child had a nice experience of having a first ice cream.

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cookiemonster2468 · 07/04/2022 04:44

I get that you feel 'baby's first ice cream' is a special moment, but look back at this thread. It's completely split, and many people don't think it's significant at all.

If you didn't communicate to your MIL that this was an important moment for you, how could she possibly have known? She probably thought ice cream is just an every day thing.

If things are special to you then you need to tell people, otherwise they won't know.

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echt · 07/04/2022 04:44

@MadAntonia

You asked her not to give your baby new foods without checking in first.

She did it anyway.

YANBU.

Except that's not what the title of the thread is, nor is it her primary concern
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