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MiL gave baby first ice cream
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maloney123 · 06/04/2022 23:48

Please let me preface this post by acknowledging that my in laws look after our baby once a week and I’m hugely grateful to them for this. They were desperate to be grandparents (this is their first grandchild) so the arrangement suits us both as they get time with the baby and I get time to catch up on laundry, cleaning etc (I am still on mat leave).

Today my MIL gave our baby her first taste of ice cream (DD is 9 months). I’m not so bothered about the sweet aspect (although we’re not giving her sweets, juice etc as yet) but I feel upset that we didn’t get to give her her first ice cream. I feel like this is a cute milestone moment for a baby and instead of being there I had my MIL describing to me how my daughter reacted to the taste. Previously she has also tried BLW my baby one day after we started weaning her which I was livid about, so we’ve already spoken to her and asked her not to give her new foods without checking in first.

I don’t mind MIL giving “normal” foods but I do feel like something like baby’s first ice cream is a bit special and I feel annoyed and upset that she took this moment away unnecessarily. I don’t think I’m going to say anything about it as I don’t want to appear ungrateful so I guess I’m just venting, feel free to tell me YABU!!

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GreenOlivesinGin · 07/04/2022 01:42

Reading your post I think objectively it is not a big deal but for me at the time this might have been one of those "I am a little annoyed, but I don't think I am right to be annoyed, but I am annoyed anyway" things. Like you, I would not say anything though. They are not parents, but they are still grandparents who love and look after their granddaughter, which as you know is not to be taken for granted, and maybe they also deserved a couple of "firsts" (which this one barely counts as) and a little autonomy. Especially if she told you with genuine joy and enthusiasm, rather than trying to antagonise you. Honestly as PP have you will barely remember or care in a few weeks. The fact that you have a "no sweets, juice" approach is slightly different and you (or, better, your DH) may want to remind her of that.

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Mocara · 07/04/2022 01:44

@Doodar

'weaning journey'Grin[grinGrin

This ! What a load of crap , count your blessings you've got family around you that love you and get to share the joy thats is your child .
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beachcitygirl · 07/04/2022 01:47

Hmmyabvvu
Ice-cream. Really. Jeezo. Get over yourself OP

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Briefly · 07/04/2022 01:52

No I get your point. She doesn't really understand this is your baby and those moments are yours. To be honest it takes a sensitive soul to get that and grandparents aren't.

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Luciemaie · 07/04/2022 01:59

Why wouldn’t you give her juice but you think it’s ok for her to have ice cream?

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veevee04 · 07/04/2022 02:01

PFB syndrome you will be embarrassed in a few years time. Try to let it go.

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HoppingPavlova · 07/04/2022 02:01

Never had ice cream pegged as a special milestone Confused. Unless you child is lactose intolerant I can’t see the problem. I doubt anyone else could either which is why MIL probably didn’t think twice. Goes into the batshit category really.

If your child is lactose intolerant then I presume in laws would know this and I understand why you would be upset.

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ReggaetonLente · 07/04/2022 02:04

I think you're getting a bit of a hard time op. If your MIL thought it was something cute and special she wanted to do with your DD, I think she could have realised it might be something YOU would want to do.

My mum is great but with my eldest she would always want to do the 'firsts' that she enjoyed with us, again with my DD. My aunt had to catch her on a bit and suggest that actually, I might enjoy doing them with my own baby, just as she had with hers. Her heart was so in the right place but it did grate a bit.

I hope you feel better about it soon.

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oakleaffy · 07/04/2022 02:08

Baby's first Ice cream?

Never ever heard of such a thing.
It's just a cold pudding.
Baby's first Carolina Reaper might be something to get cross about, but Ice cream?

No.

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bigyellowTpot · 07/04/2022 02:08

Bloody hell I don't even remember the first time either of my dc tasted any foods as it didn't seem like that much of a major event as it's just eating and my dc are still only quite young.

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Kanaloa · 07/04/2022 02:11

@Briefly

No I get your point. She doesn't really understand this is your baby and those moments are yours. To be honest it takes a sensitive soul to get that and grandparents aren't.

If grandparents are that bad and you want all the ‘special’ moments for yourself then why would you use them for childcare?

You need to balance that. Having free childcare is saving you money and your child is being cared for by those who love them. Surely that’s worth missing out on feeding your kid a bite of ice cream.
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GrandTheftWalrus · 07/04/2022 02:12

Meh. I haven't given my 10 month old chocolate but I know my mum has. Not a big deal

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thesnaleandthewhail · 07/04/2022 02:18

Yes yabu but it's ok for you to feel privately sad if you genuinely feel that way. Acknowledge the feeling, allow it and move on. The grandparents have done nothing wrong. If you want someone to look after your child you have to relinquish some control and also it's nice for them to enjoy a few firsts here and there. If this was tori second child I assure you that you'd not give a shit about something so fine grained!! Try to lighten up a bit. Is there anything else underneath this issue? Any other resentments? Or are you struggling with anxiety or low mood post natally in general?

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Thursa · 07/04/2022 02:26

I remember my eldests face when he first tasted ice cream, and he’s 23 this year.

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Coyoacan · 07/04/2022 02:28

I guess…she’s only had plain / sensible foods so far on her weaning journey. The sweetest thing she’s had is fruit. For me ice cream is different to avocado or or broccoli or something like that…I don’t know I just wanted to give her her first “treat” food I guess

May I kindly suggest you rethink your ideas about food. My dgd is nearly 9 and I buy her a lovely green broccoli for a treat.

We eat all kinds of food and I eat way too much sugar, but please do not instill in your child that the only food that isn't boring and plain is sweet stuff.

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ExMachinaDeus · 07/04/2022 02:35

PFB

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1forAll74 · 07/04/2022 02:38

How precious is this. oh dear. You can now give your baby another ice cream,, and she will have the very same reaction to it, that she had with your MIL, so you won't miss out on anything really. What will you think, if your baby says her first words to your MIL when she is caring for her.

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SleepingStandingUp · 07/04/2022 02:39

"If anyones seen Place Beyond the Pines there’s a really cute bit where the parents give the baby his first taste of ice cream" you're upset that you didn't get to recreate a bit of a Ryan gosling crime drama? And you're upset that a day after you started weaning your MIL gave the baby food?
Sorry but yes, you're being a bit PFB.

Your MIL is providing you with a day off a week whilst your on Mat Leave to chill out and relax. I would certainly try it. Hopefully if your child does her first steps or says her first clear word at Grandma's House, she'll have the sense not to tell you but yes, if you put your child into regular childcare, you're going to miss firsts. Thankfully there's still babies first cake.

But on a seperate note, it's fine to tell MIL that you don't want her having any artificial sugars until she's two or whatever so can she please only give baby whole foods and water if that's what you want

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KosherDill · 07/04/2022 02:41

"Weaning journey "??

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MrsAvocet · 07/04/2022 02:41

I missed my firstborn's first steps. She started walking at nursery, so the first people who saw her walk were some women whose names I can't even remember now, and then DH as he did nursery pick up at the time.
But the first time I saw her walking was still special and exciting to me. Did it really mattsr that it wasn't her actual very first steps? No, not really. I was a little bit disappointed I suppose, but I still enjoyed the moment and it was no less exciting to see my baby learning something new.
If someone else looks after your child regularly it is inevitable that there will be some "firsts" that you aren't there for - it just can't be helped. Try not to get too hung up on it and focus on enjoying the first time you do things with your baby because in all honesty, they are not that different. There are probably things we think are "firsts" that aren't, because the other carers didn't mention something, but that doesn't spoil a special moment does it?
To be honest, as your child gets older there are more and more things that you don't see the very first time they do something, but they still come home excited to show you some new thing they've learned at school or a skill that they've mastered at tbeir dance class or music lesson. Try to focus on positives and just enjoy your baby OP.

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MigsandTiggs · 07/04/2022 02:41

@sarah13xx

Oh no I don’t think you are being unreasonable! It’s not about the ice cream, it’s about overstepping the mark on more than one occasion. It’s this idea that they’ll just do what they like when you’re not there and disregard your rules. You’re the mum and you get to make the rules for that reason. I feel your rage because I have similar in laws, although they don’t make any effort to see our baby but when they do they expect a hero’s welcome. They think he’ll somehow recognise them when it’s been 2 months since the last visit and they’ve already said they’ll be giving him sweets, letting him play on their phones etc when I’m not there as if it’s a joke but it’s actually just a massive mark of disrespect

I think you are projecting your own feelings on the OP. How was the MIL "overstepping the mark" when the OP didn't tell her not to give ice cream to dd? You can make the rules, but you need to let the other party know them too. Plus the OP's MiL looks after DD one day a week, so not like yours.
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kateandme · 07/04/2022 02:42

If be more concerned about you already labelling foods in this way and giving some sort of good bad food label.this as a parent to a child is the worst thing you can do,going right through to toddler, child,teen and adult.foods shouldn't have good bad,treat,no sugar attached to them.your giving them moral highgrounds and ur kid complex and or disordered ways around food.all foods are good.tou can have sugar.and juice heck even....ribena!!!

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Seafog · 07/04/2022 02:45

You sound unhinged, this must be your first baby

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SD1978 · 07/04/2022 02:47

Maybe you need a list of foods that they can't give her so you can photograph the 'firsts' that seem to matter so much to you.........

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THisbackwithavengeance · 07/04/2022 02:50

@oakleaffy

Baby's first Ice cream?

Never ever heard of such a thing.
It's just a cold pudding.
Baby's first Carolina Reaper might be something to get cross about, but Ice cream?

No.

I can remember DD's first McDonalds.

*proud mum*
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