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MiL gave baby first ice cream
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maloney123 · 06/04/2022 23:48

Please let me preface this post by acknowledging that my in laws look after our baby once a week and I’m hugely grateful to them for this. They were desperate to be grandparents (this is their first grandchild) so the arrangement suits us both as they get time with the baby and I get time to catch up on laundry, cleaning etc (I am still on mat leave).

Today my MIL gave our baby her first taste of ice cream (DD is 9 months). I’m not so bothered about the sweet aspect (although we’re not giving her sweets, juice etc as yet) but I feel upset that we didn’t get to give her her first ice cream. I feel like this is a cute milestone moment for a baby and instead of being there I had my MIL describing to me how my daughter reacted to the taste. Previously she has also tried BLW my baby one day after we started weaning her which I was livid about, so we’ve already spoken to her and asked her not to give her new foods without checking in first.

I don’t mind MIL giving “normal” foods but I do feel like something like baby’s first ice cream is a bit special and I feel annoyed and upset that she took this moment away unnecessarily. I don’t think I’m going to say anything about it as I don’t want to appear ungrateful so I guess I’m just venting, feel free to tell me YABU!!

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maloney123 · 07/04/2022 00:09

@Qwill

But you said “ I’m not so bothered about the sweet aspect”, that’s why we all have said you’re being silly.

Babe you can just apologise for making up a scenario about me it’s fine don’t worry x
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Qwill · 07/04/2022 00:10

@maloney123

It’s not that strange though is it? A lot of people do it. I don’t think I really created a whole scenario, it was just a thought I had why someone would be that precious about a food stuff when they weren’t bothered about the sweet content in ice cream.

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WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 07/04/2022 00:10

Honestly op you won't even remember in a few years time. I'm just trying to remember the first time any of my dc had ice-cream and drawn a total blank.

Your dc has a lovely relationship with doting grandparents, don't sweat the small stuff.

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Hottubtimemachine · 07/04/2022 00:11

FFS…really?

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hippyfarmer · 07/04/2022 00:12

Read your last post to yourself. This is about you and how you define milestones.

Let that sit a moment. This is your issue. This isn't an issue with your DD. This isn't an issue with your MIL's total talent at caring for your DD (YES - read that as your MIL has skill and talent).

This is a YOU moment. This is a moment that YOU wanted to have.

HOWEVER, if you reflect, this is about YOU OBSERVING your DD tasting ice cream (or frankly, doing whatever). You can still OBSERVE your DD enjoying a moment tasting ice cream. You will RARELY feel or EXPERIENCE what your DD is feeling/experiencing for a FIRST. Give up being a first.

Extrapolate years down the line. When your DD has her first serious sexual partner, will you feel upset that you weren't there to supervise or advise or witness?

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ClinkeyMonkey · 07/04/2022 00:12

Some day you will look back at this and cringe. I had a couple of similar experiences and remember feeling most put out. I believe it's normal to blow things out of proportion with your first child. In the grand scheme of things, it is really very insignificant. Lots of parents miss their child's first steps, first words etc. It's upsetting at the time, but when the child is older, none of these things will matter anymore. First taste of ice cream? Seriously, some day your child will have an ice cream the size of their head and you'll be wishing they hadn't tasted it at all! (I, ahem, wouldn't know anything about that of course!!)

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RobertaFirmino · 07/04/2022 00:13

Don't worry OP. You can be the first person to see her little face when you give her a first taste of something else.

I wouldn't have thought ice cream was something to be glorified though.

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GreenLunchBox · 07/04/2022 00:16

@MissMaple82

Whoever thought ice cream would be a special milestone Hmm

This😂
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ABitDrunk · 07/04/2022 00:18

They are going to do things you don't like.

You really really will not remember the first ice cream once they are a teenager.

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Marzipanfruit · 07/04/2022 00:18

Really! How precious are you. I could understand if there were allergies but honestly-aren't there more things to be getting on with...

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Holskey · 07/04/2022 00:19

If I were looking after someone else's 9-month-old, I would definitely ask if it was okay before giving ice cream or similar.

I was fascinated by my pfb's first taste of ice cream too, so I do get it.

Though I do think if you want all the firsts you can't have someone else look after pfb so regularly. Just how it is.

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Qwill · 07/04/2022 00:21

“GreenLunchBox

MissMaple82
Whoever thought ice cream would be a special milestone hmm
This😂”

😂, but the OP has called me a babe, so I’m feeling a bit more affiliation for her now, gonna strut my stuff and head out dancing, might get an ice cream after!!

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Vanillalatteplease · 07/04/2022 00:24

You should take a bunch of these replies with a pinch of salt op. A lot of mumsneters quickly forget their pfb moments & become sneary twats. Truth is we've all had these moments. You can have the pleasure of the first ice cream cone. Tip do it outside, strip them down to nappy & have a bath or paddling pool to dunk em in after.

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Summerfun54321 · 07/04/2022 00:24

I ate a Kit Kat chunky earlier, it was a milestone event.

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sarah13xx · 07/04/2022 00:25

Oh no I don’t think you are being unreasonable! It’s not about the ice cream, it’s about overstepping the mark on more than one occasion. It’s this idea that they’ll just do what they like when you’re not there and disregard your rules. You’re the mum and you get to make the rules for that reason. I feel your rage because I have similar in laws, although they don’t make any effort to see our baby but when they do they expect a hero’s welcome. They think he’ll somehow recognise them when it’s been 2 months since the last visit and they’ve already said they’ll be giving him sweets, letting him play on their phones etc when I’m not there as if it’s a joke but it’s actually just a massive mark of disrespect

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ABitDrunk · 07/04/2022 00:26

A lot of mumsneters quickly forget their pfb moments & become sneary twats.

I think this has happened to me. What ever should I do?

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Xmasbaby11 · 07/04/2022 00:26

Yabu. Babies try all kinds of new food and you can't tell what they will react to. It's not always the sweet treats. If you give her most of her food, you will be seeing lots of reactions and surely have some wonderful moments. We waited til around 1 before giving sugar and I can't even remember what the food was or the reaction. Dc are 8 and 10. I have lots of other lovely funny food memories, though!

It's understandable that you want to have some say in your baby's diet though and control the sugar etc intake, so it's good to discuss that with them.

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WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 07/04/2022 00:27

Some day you will look back at this and cringe

Oh you definitely will.

I don't remember my 20yos first ever ice cream, but I do remember when he was around a year old I was out for lunch and I gave him my cup of water with a straw in it. He used the straw for the first time and I thought he was an absolute genius. I called my (now ex)dh at work and cried down the phone to him and I was furious when he didn't share my enthusiasm. Waited until he got home and lectured him for ages 🤣🤣 yes, I cringe now, at the time it seemed so important.

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Chely · 07/04/2022 00:28

YABU
This is the joy of having people take your child regularly, you will miss some things.
I missed our eldest 1st solo steps because the GP's got her doing it as they had her when I worked.

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TurningUpMyStereotype · 07/04/2022 00:28

‘Ice cream is a milestone‘
‘Babe’
‘Weaning journey’

😬

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EthelTheAardvark · 07/04/2022 00:28

Remember that you're going to have your baby's first sausages, first jelly, first beans, first custard, first sardines, first bacon, first stilton, first Jaffa cakes, first tea, first avocado, first profiteroles, ...

So missing out on first ice cream really is no biggie.

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Dontbesuspicious · 07/04/2022 00:31

Your baby has yet to have her first taste of icecream with you. You can still make that special if you want to. When you entrust your child into someone else's care there will inevitably be some cross over of first experiences. I say this as someone who works in childcare, sometimes babies shock horror take there first steps with me rather than parents, this to me is a massive milestone, I would tell a parent that little one us 'so close to walking'.
If a parent says no biscuits, or no icecream then of course I would follow there set boundaries but without specifics we go back to that you trust that person to care for then.
Now might be the time to mention to grandparents not to tell you about the special milestones you want to happen with you first.

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sarah13xx · 07/04/2022 00:34

How horrible are some of these comments to the OP, jeez 🤦🏼‍♀️ How great must their lives be to have to come on MN at night to get a kick out of being nasty to random strangers 🤔

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Clymene · 07/04/2022 00:38

I would suggest you give your ILs a list of your milestones to ensure they don't take place while they're providing free childcare.

Don't be surprised if they suddenly become rather busy.

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SirVixofVixHall · 07/04/2022 00:39

@WeDontShutUpAboutBruno

Honestly op you won't even remember in a few years time. I'm just trying to remember the first time any of my dc had ice-cream and drawn a total blank.

Your dc has a lovely relationship with doting grandparents, don't sweat the small stuff.

This.
I remember a friend and I giving her baby a spoonful of chocolate mousse which he’d never tasted, and us both laughing at his shocked face, but I have literally no memory at all of my children’s first food, food sweet thing, any of it. I am amazed anyone remembers much at all of that first year, unless they had babies that slept all night long.
They are kind and loving grandparents. I wish my Mum was still here to give my teenagers too many sweets, or unsuitable clothes.
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