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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think party guests should be fed?

198 replies

Meadmaiden · 04/04/2022 10:58

I always thought it was the norm that if you held a children's party, you should host the guests, which includes plentiful food and drinks. I've always done this for parties I have hosted, and almost all parties I have attended have been catered.

Another poster here said it's rude to expect food to be provided at all. Personally, I think it's rude to invite guests and not feed them. Culturally especially so for me.

I've been to a couple of kids parties where there was virtually no food, or no food, other than the cake. The families in both cases could have easily afforded to cater.

What is the general consensus?

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 04/04/2022 11:01

I don't you should expect food but most kids parties do have some sort of food usually. I don't think it's a big deal either way

ZenKaleidoscope · 04/04/2022 11:02

For a kids party definitely food for the kids. Not really for the parents unless the parents are specifically invited too like a family party.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 04/04/2022 11:03

I go minimal these days - food for the kids, tea coffee and biscuits for the parents. The kids only pick at their food anyway, apart from the cake/ice cream.

woodhill · 04/04/2022 11:04

Yes definitely food at parties

Duracellbunnywannabe · 04/04/2022 11:06

Of course it’s rude to expect something. It depends on the activity and time of day surely. I would be surprised if young kids parties cater for adults. We’ve alway done drinks for the adult but I wouldn’t expect food.

Neolara · 04/04/2022 11:08

Generally I agree with you but the amount and type of food will depend on the timings. 2.30 to 4.30 for a bunch of 10 year olds may involve cake, biscuits, crisps etc. 3.30 to 5.30 for 4 year olds may involve a more substantial meal

DrSbaitso · 04/04/2022 11:10

Of course you cater for a party.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/04/2022 11:11

Yes there should be food for children at children's birthday parties. A few sarnies, bowls of crisps and a slice of birthday cake with some juice/water would be sufficient.

I'd never expect food/drinks for accompanying parents.

Abraxan · 04/04/2022 11:12

Usually there would be food, though what type would be dependent on the type of party and where/when it was being held.

Did the party times span a meal time?

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 04/04/2022 11:12

One of my more successful parties had no food as such. Instead we had an ice cream bar. The children chose a flavour (out of a choice of 3 or 4) and then put on their own sprinkles/sauces. They loved it. Yes, it was a fairly cheap option, not least because the ice cream we used was Iceland own brand, rather than Ben & Jerries.

I’ve no idea whether other parents thought we were unreasonable/cheapskate, and tbh, I don’t really care. We were very clear on the invitations that only ice cream and cake would be provided.

ItsSnowJokes · 04/04/2022 11:13

We went to a party a few weeks ago where there was no food. Party finished at lunchtime and I found it very odd. It's not something I would do, but then people do a lot of things I wouldn't do such as not rsvp'ing and not writing thank you letters for their presents.

Stonerosie67 · 04/04/2022 11:16

Do you mean food for the parents? If so, YABU, I've always provided plentiful food for the children, who are the actual guests at kids parties, but only drinks (alcoholic or non-alcoholic) and nibbles for any accompanying adults, although the sensible ones dropped and ran!

CounsellorTroi · 04/04/2022 11:16

I went to a couple of my DN’s birthday parties when he was small and it was food/drinks for the kids only.

BlingLoving · 04/04/2022 11:16

Generally would assume food is provided for the children, or at the very least substantial snacks depending on timing, age and activity. Sandwiches annoy me because the children don't eat them, scoff all the biscuits and then announce to their parents 45 minutes after getting home that they're starving. We usually do sausages, pizza or similar which tends to get eaten a bit more and actually fills the kids up.

For small children's parties where the parents were staying I always provided hot and cold drinks and usually a few snacks - bowls of crisps/packets of biscuits. Now that DC are older and we tend to have smaller parties, sometimes from home, if a parent turned up early I'd offer a hot drink or a glass of wine.

girlmom21 · 04/04/2022 11:18

I'd expect food for the children if the party was over a meal time.

I wouldn't expect food for adults attending a childrens party.

woodhill · 04/04/2022 11:18

Back in the day it would be savoury food first then cake afterwards 😀

Swayingpalmtrees · 04/04/2022 11:25

Children are usually offered party food of some kind
Parents are offered drinks

If you are diverting from this you need to let your guests know in advance so they can adjust their own meal planning.

Lazypuppy · 04/04/2022 11:30

Depends what time the party is. We did dds party mid afternoon so no food needed, and i would definitely not put on food for the adults too, kids parties are expensive enough as it is

MargaritasOnMe · 04/04/2022 11:30

Depends on the time. Mid morning and mid afternoon parties, I think it's fine if there's just a slice of cake as you have meals either side. Over lunchtime or tea time, I'd hope there'd be food but I'd probably give my kids a decent snack beforehand as experience has taught me this isn't always the case!

Comefromaway · 04/04/2022 11:31

There should definitely be food for the children at a children's party. I think it's odd not to. Not food for the parents though.

starfishmummy · 04/04/2022 11:38

I think every kids party I have been to caters for the kids at least. My son has SN and went to a SN school so parents staying at parties was the norm and some people catered for the parents too, although that was a bonus but not "expected". Although one Mum's sherry trifle was definitely adults only!!!

Loginmystery · 04/04/2022 11:40

In my experience the wealthier the families the stingier the catering. I’m appalled at the parties with little or no food provided. Awful. I live in a very affluent area therefore I’ve taken to feeding my children before they go to one of these parties. I often think- why don’t the parents just ask for gifts to be dropped off and forget about pretending to host a party. Save the children going hungry.

TonkaTruckduck · 04/04/2022 11:42

I think its incredibly poor form to not feed guests. When I've hired a hall type party I feed adults also, if it's an all in type venue the children will have nuggets and chips or whatever, and I'll provide some biscuits and cake for thr adults.
Parties seem to be moving towards present grabs....

Original poster
Meadmaiden · 04/04/2022 11:44

I mean for the kids. Though I have always catered for the adults too. I'm not talking anything necessarily fancy: a simple home made spread would suffice.

Even if between meal times, children are usually ravenous, and even more so if doing activities in my experience.

It seems most are in agreement, though there is the odd poster here who doesn't cater.

For the no food parties, I left early as it reached a mealtime and my children were hungry.

OP posts:
VyeBrator · 04/04/2022 11:44

'Plentiful' food at a kids party tends to create a lot of waste as more often than not, they just want to have a quick munch and then get on with playing. But yes, some food should definitely be provided and I have to say, in all my 53 years of going to kids parties I've never once been to one where there was no food at all.